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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Honesty…..The Lost Policy #mommiesnetwork





Honesty…..The Lost Policy
By: Makesha Dixon- Guest Writer

Let’s face it. We don’t live in the most forthright society anymore. The days of “Sir, you dropped your dollar”, or “Ma’am, you gave me too much change” are somewhere with VHS’s and crimping irons collecting mounds of dust.  
And “Not so reality” reality TV seems to further support the idea that you can play out your real, everyday, honest to goodness lives as long as there are at least five editing sessions to make sure the producers capture the “real you”. 
Doesn’t seem to honest huh? Although we are sometimes expected to be reserved with some areas in our lives, in doing so we have compromised the very thing that gives us the most peace and peace of mind. HONESTY. Daily we sacrifice a little bit of being truthful for keeping the peace. 
We avoid telling our co workers that leopard and lace is not appropriate, nor flattering. We miss the opportunity to tell our husbands that overgrown facial hair like Pitt is not realistic and makes for scratchy kisses.  
And we tell our kids that they are the best dancer in the troupe when we know our Dancing Diva inherited the rhythmless gene. And although we never want to intentionally set out to hurt feelings our discourage, there is a middle ground of honesty that we avoid altogether for the sake of romance and tap dance.  
And in the meanwhile, in between while, we pile on layers and layers of unspoken word, unfelt emotion and unexpressed sentiment, all to the very detriment of not only ourselves, but those around us.  Sounds like a recipe for disaster huh. I don’t know about anyone else, but Disaster a la Stress with a side of unrest is not the most appetizing meal.  

So who do we owe the most honesty? OURSELVES!! 

As mom’s we are often charged with being the motivator, cheerleader, and overall beacon of positive energy.  This can be a difficult, near impossible task if we have not been COMPLETELY honest with ourselves.  We owe it to ourselves to be honest about or limitations, our fears, and our expectations.  For me, I have found that I have not been honest with myself about the transition to motherhood.  For the longest time, I can remember being completely afraid that I would not be able to have a child. I would have visions and daydreams about what it would be like to have a son or daughter. How cool it would be to spend a Saturday department store hoping in matching sweats and ball caps, enjoying the Doorbusters and Red Dot Clearance. This vision was so real to me but the reality was even more real. The chances were slim to none based on my diagnosis and I started to just accept that reality. But I wasn’t being honest with myself.  At the age of 27, I discovered I was expecting a baby. Who? I’m sorry, what was that? After spending a Ruth’s Chris dinner in home test and finally medical confirmation, it was true. I….the unexpected….was expecting. 
So, now, sixteen months of busy bubbly baby girl later, I still find the transition of motherhood difficult. While the love for your child comes as easily as a breath, sometimes the mental and emotional toll of motherhood is often more than we are willing to admit. Myself included.  
And in not being honest with ourselves about the challenges we face, we do our children, families, our circle an injustice. We never quite give them the best us, if we have not acknowledged the not so best us. 
So how can we be honest with ourselves enough so that both the little people and big people around us understand and support our needs? First, we must identify those areas in which we have not been so honest. It could be a rift between co-workers that needs to be addressed.  It could be frustration with a spouse that we have been allowing to just build and build, but insisting that everything was ookie dokie. It may be something that we have no right now control over, like if our toddlers will adjust well in school, or if we will start graying early. Whatever the issue may be, we have to vow to be honest about not only what we feel but why we feel whatever. This may require digging a little deeper into our core, sometimes into uncomfortable territory.  
For me, it was revealing a childhood memory to a friend. By allowing for this honesty, it made me aware of not only how I felt in regards to my concerns with my own daughter, but why I felt how I did. Only when I was able realize I was not being forthcoming with my feelings and needed to release, was I able to identify those limitations in my relationship with not only others, but my daughter. 
And boy was it like the ACME anvil being lifted off of my sternum. Whew!
In identifying those areas in which we have to be more honest, we can begin the rebuilding process. Only through releasing fears, acknowledging the ways in which life is affected by those fears and finding real solutions to improve will we see a difference in our realities.  We have to fight hard against the comfort in letting things go and just go. Go honest, go raw, go emotion-driven, and go ahead! 
Start releasing what holds us back, it only make us better. And the reality is, if we are more honest, more confident, and less stressed, everything and everyone around us will follow suit. We attract what we feel. So when we feel good, when we are honest, we tend to attract more feel good, more honesty. Honesty does not have to be a bad thing. It can be the most freeing act done for ourselves.  It’s not completely lost. It’s just playing a very good game of Hide and Seek. Go find it!

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