With the holiday season upon us and the hustle and bustle of our busy lives, I thought this article about getting dad to help out around the house might be right on track for many of us moms. How helpful is your spouse or significant other? Do they clean, do dishes or share in those household chores? Leave us a comment and tell us how you cope with this eternal problem.
Original Post Info: CharlotteMommies
Subject: Tips on Getting Dad to Help Around the House
Children bring on a lot of joy to a home, but unfortunately also bring on a whole new set of stressors. The number one stressor, labor in the home. Even in the most equal households the mother tends to take up more housework and childcare then the partner, even when the mother is a full-time worker herself. Research has shown that distributing task makes both the husband and wife more fulfilled in their marriage. Here are some tips on making it happen.
• Look at it from your partner’s point of view. Women tend to compare their spouses to themselves and the men tend to compare themselves with their fathers and male coworkers and friends. In this scenario is it no wonder your husband will never met your expectations but your husband will most likely think their more then meeting your expectations.
• Don’t ask for help. By asking for help you reinforce the idea that he is your assistant and not an equal partner. Try to find another way of asking him to do his share.
• Realize that your way isn’t the only way. Men and women often see things differently. That doesn’t mean that one way is right and the other wrong. Your husband may be proud of the way he cleaned the bathroom while you still see the stain around the toilet bowl and spots on the shower. Avoid criticizing and he may be willing to be more involved in the housework. There’s no harm done if the babies diaper is a little loose or if his hair is parted on a different side of his head.
• Go on strike. Set limits on what you are willing to do and where you draw the line. Let your partner know you expect him to do his share and if he doesn’t, well, then frankly, it won’t get done. He may get the point when his side of the bed is a toxic hazard or he runs out of clean underwear. The hardest part for you is turning a blind eye to the mess for a while until he realizes that you mean business.
• Insincerity isn’t always a bad thing. Men like to feel competent. Try throwing in a few complements even when you know you could have done a better job. Try to brag on him to a friend while he is in earshot. The more he feels appreciated, the more he’ll be willing to do. Who knows, you may even find a true talent.
• Don’t be the Keeper of the house. Many women like to control the house, as this is one area they feel the most competent. Give your partners room to help. Women have been preparing for this roll for their whole lives, while men are relatively still new at taking more active rolls in the home. Let your partner figure out some stuff out for himself. Men need to find their own approaches through practice and trial and error. Letting him develop his own style of doing things around the house will make feel more adequate and more able to do things on his own.
• Share responsibilities. Make a list of what needs to be done and decide together who would be most qualified for those certain jobs. Negotiate between the jobs. Switch them out every now and then so you don’t both get board with one certain job in particular.
• Define “work”. Many couples don’t think of child rearing as an ordinary chore, yet it takes up just as much time and energy. Don’t assume that the partner taking care of the baby has the easiest job, as we all know that isn’t always the case. If you cook dinner one night while he keeps the kids content, switch rolls the next night. We all know that even in these days of mother/father equality there is no miraculous way to make your partner superman. Much of the burden has always, and probably will always fall on old trusty Mom. But it doesn’t always have to be all the burden, all the time. Take a reality check.. Realize that these changes may take a while. Given time I’m sure you’ll start to see some improvement in all aspects off your household, as parents and partners.