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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Domestic Violence is Everybody's Business!

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month~ Both causes so important!
This week we will focus on both, plus other causes that are dear to the heart of our moms!
The following article was written and submitted anonymously. We would like to extend our thanks to the author for sending us such a personal article. It is our hope that it will touch the lives of others and give courage to those who need it.
Millions of women everyday are affected by domestic violence. Women and even young teenage girls are mentally, physically, and sexually abused everyday. Not by strangers, but by people who are near and close to them: their spouses and boyfriends.
I don't know facts, I don't know the specifics, but I do know it can be scary, it can be horrible, and it can be confusing. You feel deep love for a man and he uses you to take out his aggression, his aggravation, his dislike for the world around him. You can do nothing right, everything is wrong. You can't care for your children, you can't keep a clean house, you can't do or be what he wants you to be. Yet in the next moment you are beautiful, you are sexy, you are wonderful, you are the answer to his prayers, and he will never do it again. The only thing is, HE is WRONG, not you. Women do not realize they are a victim, not the cause.
You asked why would a woman stay? I ask how easy is it for them to leave? It isn't. They are afraid of being hurt worse, being killed, their children being hurt. They feel it is truly all their fault. They feel they are worthless, no one else would want them. These things are filled in their heads by the men who promised to love, honor, and cherish them.
I have been down that road. I have seen what it can do.. I have also seen what can happen when someone else calls for help. Someone called for me. Now I live a happier life with my husband. He got help through the court system. Not all men can or will change.
I guess what I am saying in this article is help a woman. If you even suspect that she is being abused or she has told you, call the police. Call your local center for domestic violence. She need not know who called. Help her. Chances are she can't help herself. Chances are her children, her sons, see this and think it is normal, that this is the way a man treats a woman. Her daughters will see this and think this is how they should be treated.
Also it isn't only women who are abused. There are men. Their numbers are smaller, but still it is not right in any case. Help someone today. Help yourself. There are people out there willing to help you hide, help you put your abuser behind bars, help you get YOU back.
Call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or visit their website at They have the facts, they have the specifics, and they are scary.

Today another woman died and not on a foreign field and not with a rifle strapped to her back, and not with a large defense of tanks rumbling and rolling behind her. She died without CNN covering her war. She died without talk of intelligent bombs and strategic targets The target was simply her face, her back her pregnant belly. The target was her precious flesh that was once composed like music in her mother's body and sung in the anthem of birth. The target was this life that had lived its own dear wildness, had been loved and not loved, had danced and not danced. A life like yours or mine that had stumbled up from a beginning and had learned to walk and had learned to read. and had learned to sing. Another woman died today. not far from where you live; Just there, next door where the tall light falls across the pavement. Just there, a few steps away where you've often heard shouting, Another woman died today. She was the same girl her mother used to kiss; the same child you dreamed beside in school. The same baby her parents walked in the night with and listened and listened and listened For her cries even while they slept. And someone has confused his rage with this woman's only life. -Carol Geneya Kaplan
Original Post Info: CharlotteMommies


Domestic violence is not a problem in my community.
  • Michigan State Police records from 1997 show that a woman is killed by a partner or former partner about once a week in Michigan.
  • In 1998, the Michigan State Police reported more than 5,000 victims of domestic violence in Oakland County.
Domestic violence only happens to poor women and women of color.
  • Domestic violence happens in all kinds of families and relationships. Persons of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, age, and sex can be victims or perpetrators of domestic violence.
Some people deserve to be hit.
  • No one deserves to be abused. Period. The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser.
  • Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.
Alcohol, drug abuse, stress, and mental illness cause domestic violence.
  • Alcohol use, drug use, and stress do not cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers often say they use these excuses for their violence. (Michigan Judicial Institute, Domestic Violence Benchbook, 1998, p. 1.6 - 1.7)
  • Generally, domestic violence happens when an abuser has learned and chooses to abuse. (Michigan Judicial Institute, Domestic Violence Benchbook, 1998, p. 1 - 5)
  • Domestic violence is rarely caused by mental illness, but it is often used as an excuse for domestic violence. (Michigan Judicial Institute, Domestic Violence Benchbook, 1998, p. 1 - 8)
Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife.
  • Domestic violence affects everyone.
  • About 1 in 3 American women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. (Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman's Lifespan: the Commonwealth Fund 1998 Survey of Women's Health, 1999)
  • In 1996, 30% of all female murder victims were killed by their husbands or boyfriends. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1997)
  • 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family, 1996)
If it were that bad, she would just leave.
  • There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victim want to be abused.
  • Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave. (United States Department of Justice, National Crime Victim Survey, 1995)

  • .

National Domestic Violence Hotline, 


What Can You Say to a Victim?

  • I'm afraid for your safety.
  • I'm afraid for the safety of your children.
  • It will only get worse.
  • We're here for you when you are ready or when you are able to leave.
  • You deserve better than this.
  • Let's figure out a safety plan for you.

What is a Safety Plan?

Every individual in an abusive relationship needs a safety plan. Shelters and crisis counselors have been urging safety plans for years, and police departments, victim services, hospitals, and courts have adopted this strategy. Safety plans should be individualized -- for example, taking account of age, marital status, whether children are involved, geographic location, and resources available -- but still contain common elements.
When creating a safety plan:
  • Think about all possible escape routes. Doors, first-floor windows, basement exits, elevators, stairwells. Rehearse if possible.
  • Choose a place to go. To the home of a friend or relative who will offer unconditional support, or a motel or hotel, or a shelter - most importantly somewhere you will feel safe.
  • Pack a survival kit. Money for cab fare, a change of clothes, extra house and car keys, birth certificates, passports, medications and copies of prescriptions, insurance information, checkbook, credit cards, legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders, address books, and valuable jewelry, and papers that show jointly owned assets. Conceal it in the home or leave it with a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative. Important papers can also be left in a bank deposit box.
  • Try to start an individual savings account. Have statements sent to a trusted relative or friend.
  • Avoid arguments with the abuser in areas with potential weapons. Kitchen, garage, or in small spaces without access to an outside door.
  • Know the telephone number of the domestic violence hotline. Contact it for information on resources and legal rights.
  • Review the safety plan monthly.
Adapted from: "Preventing Domestic Violence" by Laura Crites in Prevention Communique, March 1992, Crime Prevention Division, Department of the Attorney General, Hawaii.

What Can Each of Us Do?

  • Call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence.
  • Speak out publicly against domestic violence.
  • Take action personally against domestic violence when a neighbor, a co-worker, a friend, or a family member is involved or being abused.
  • Encourage your neighborhood watch or block association to become as concerned with watching out for domestic violence as with burglaries and other crimes.
  • Reach out to support someone whom you believe is a victim of domestic violence and/or talk with a person you believe is being abusive.
  • Help others become informed, by inviting speakers to your church, professional organization, civic group, or workplace.
  • Support domestic violence counseling programs and shelters.

The most important thing is to do something, the woman in front of you in the grocery line, your neighbor, the mom in your child's playgroup, all of these can potentially be victims. If you feel like something might be wrong, most likely it is!
Speak up and speak out! 


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