Help! My Boys Have Taken Over the House

I love being a girl! Makeup, hair, and lots of clothes: Is there anything more sublime. As a child I was all about Barbie and baby dolls. And shopping is the only sport I’ve ever excelled at. With two sisters, four female cousins, and 10 female nieces, I don’t have a “tom-boy bone” anywhere in my body.

 

And then, IT happened. At the naïve age of 29, I gave birth to an alien: a bouncing baby boy I named Cody. His itty bitty hands and feet, and beautiful bald head made me swoon. And don’t even get me started on his smile. Just shy of three years later IT happened again. I gave birth to my second son, Shane. He was the perfect baby. Really. He came out of the womb sleeping through the night and thoroughly enjoyed an eight-hour shopping stint. Life was perfect.

 

But then IT really kicked in. About the time that Shane starting crawling, sweet baby Cody became a boy. And before I could even blink, my little peanut, Shane, was right there behind him. My girly girl world of doing my nails, wearing high heels and stylish clothes, and decorating my living quarters with pretty baubles and such came to a screeching halt. I had just entered the world of all things male.

 

Barbies were replaced with Power Rangers. And shopping with impromptu boxing matches. For someone used to all things feminine, it’s seriously like entering a foreign country. Nothing makes you NEED Jesus more than having sons! Trying on clothes at Kohls. “Jesus, please don’t let Cody open the dressing room door while my pants are off.” Eating out at nice restaurant like Chile’s (That’s as nice as it gets with boys.) Jesus, please make Shane stop throwing food at the nice couple in the next booth. And, Lord, above all else, PLEASE, PLEASE make my husband stop laughing!”

 

Have you ever gone out in public with your sons whooping and hollering like cowboys and Indians and seen the appalled expressions on the faces of those girly girl moms and their precious daughters? In my head I’m thinking, what are you looking at? They’re actually being good. They haven’t tied anybody up……yet. Parenting sons is a world only those that experience it first hand can truly understand.

 

Boys are not all ADHD. They’re simply, male. It’s a world of loud noises, constant activities and unique smells. A world in stark contrast to a girl’s. And like their fathers, most boys’ ears are not tuned into the range of the female voice. Mothering boys is a tremendous challenge with tremendous rewards. There are many days I’m throwing up my hands, tears welling in my eyes. I just haven’t seemed to figure out how to reign my little guys in. Maybe it’s because our gender differences make it impossible for me to completely understand exactly what makes them tick. Or maybe it’s just simply because they wear me out. There is no such thing as a quiet dinner or a calm tea party at our house. It’s all about karate kicks, rock music and bodily functions.

 

But on the other side of the coin, raising boys is a world filled with excitement, new horizons and honor. Mommy’s little boys will one day be God’s men. A role held in the highest regard in The Bible. After all, there was no greater son than Jesus. What a privilege to have a hand in shaping the future of tomorrow’s husbands, fathers and maybe even spiritual leaders. And nothing, absolutely nothing, can compare to the hugs and kisses of a doting son.

 

Although a boy’s world will always remain somewhat of a mystery to the female sex, raising the little buggers can be done. Look at Billy Graham, Ronald Regan, even Kirk Cameron. They were all little boys once. But a mommy of boys support group is a definite must! Surrounding yourself with other moms who know what you’re going through is the key to keeping hold of your sanity. And hanging on to your girly girl, childhood dreams will take you the rest of the way.

 

Someday I’ll own my dream home and it will have an extra room in it just for me filled with all things pink and beautiful, and a big sign on the door that reads, “No boys allowed!”

 

 

Julie Pirkle is a freelance writer and a member of the Fresno Mommies community. Her sons are now 5 and 8-years-old. Read more by Julie at http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/jmpirkle or follow her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/WriteUpYourAlley

 

 

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Consignment 101

It’s another ordinary day, and you’ve stepped on yet another Lego, or bumped into the exersaucer your baby hasn’t used in months.  Tired of trudging through too much stuff, but not sure what to do with it all?  Sell it on consignment!  Not sure exactly what that means or entails?  Well, let me take the mystery out of it for you.

Consignment means to hand over, or entrust ones goods to a store with the understanding that payment for those goods is only made once the goods are sold.  In a nutshell, the store sells your stuff for you!  They do the work, and you get a check.  A huge advantage over Ebay or Craigslist.  No dealing with shipping, or keeping track of posts, or people with tons of questions who never end up buying. Consignment stores are also open year round, so you can consign when you’re ready, and stop in to check on your items anytime.  Can’t get much easier for a busy Mom or Dad!

Most consignment stores work the same.  You will be asked to sign an agreement which should explain in detail that particular store’s policies.  Be sure to read it carefully, and ask any questions you might have before signing.  In general it should state the length of the consignment period (how long your goods will be for sale), how your payment will be made(usually by check),  the percentage of compensation, and an explanation of fees.

Let’s look at compensation and fees a little more closely.  The two go hand in hand, and one will affect the other.  You will receive a percentage of what your goods sell for and that percentage will vary from store to store.  Generally it’s somewhere in the 40%-60% range depending on that store’s fees.  For example, a store that gives you 60% will probably also have many fees to help boost their share of profit.  And a store that only offers 40% may not have any fees at all.  It all balances out in the end.  What exactly are these fees you ask?  Well again they vary from store to store, but in general, there may be fees for things like cleaning, replacing batteries, space taken, etc.  So be sure to understand a store’s fees well, so you can avoid some of the obvious ones like cleaning!  Also, some places offer a store credit option for payment, in which case your percentage will be higher, but it must be spent in the store.

Many stores will also have a limit to the amount of items they will accept per consignment period, and you will most likely need to make an appointment, or call ahead to drop off.

Now, you’re staring at the enormous pile of stuff, and wondering what to take and what to ditch?  A few tips:  Make sure your items are complete, no missing pieces.  Make sure they work properly! And, make sure they’re clean.  You can generally cover all three of those if you ask yourself this question;  ”Would I purchase this item if I saw it in the store?”  Be honest!  If the answer is yes, then it probably has a good chance of selling.

A store owner should be happy to explain all of  these things in detail to you.  If they seem annoyed or unwilling, look elsewhere.

Now, while you’re in the store to drop off your items, take a look around.  You will find some spectacular deals!  Many times you can get items in “like new” condition for up to 70% off retail prices!!  Who doesn’t want that?  Consignment stores are a great place to find current or unusual things and the best part about the items being gently used is that they are out of the box and you can test them out.  Check the store for special deal days and promotions.  The change of the seasons is usually a very good time to get some great deals.

Now pat yourself on the back for doing something really good.   First, you’ve cleaned out all of your clutter, and by consigning, you’ve recycled!  Think of all the stuff you just kept out of landfill, and you’re gonna get paid for it…sweet!  Take the opportunity to teach your kids too.  Let them know how to take care of their things so someone else can enjoy them later.  I guarantee if they’re in the store, they won’t care that the items are used if they see something they like.  Things don’t have to be brand new to be great!

I hope this has been helpful, and inspired you to clean out and start earning!

I am a Mom, Wife, and owner of A Playful Planet consignment boutique.  Writing is my therapy!  You can follow my blog at:  http://4megsmusing.wordpress.com

If you'd like to contribute to the TMN blog as a guest writer, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org 

A Dad's Point of View: A Jew in Church

My wife is Christian; I’m Jewish. Since we were not going to have children together, this wasn’t much of an issue since this was a second marriage for both of us.  We did have the Christmas tree problem but resolved that amicably, by at first going to her parent’s house to celebrate Christmas with them.  When my wife got sick and we couldn’t make it that year, I relented and we brought the Christmas tree into our home.

Now we’re celebrating both Christmas and Hannukah in our home and, more recently, I’ve even attended her church (Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village, California).

This issue, of religion in the home is a touchy one for most couples getting married, especially as they plan on having and raising children. It’s not a simple question nor is there a simple answer.  I believe it’s extremely important for a couple to discuss this, in depth, before they marry or have children if they believe and practice different faiths.

I used to think, as many clergy would recommend, that a mixed-faith couple should just choose one religion to practice in the home and with which to raise their children.  I still tend to believe this view but have realized it’s more nuanced and complicated than I at first thought.  Originally, this line of reasoning made complete sense in that the children get exposed to one faith, learn one faith, and hopefully appreciate and love that one faith.

Further, the thinking was and is that raising children in dual faiths only confuses them and diminishes the value of both religions.  In those homes, many children just end up dropping both faiths and end up leading a secular or more generalist spiritual life without belonging to either religion in which they were raised.  It was thought naïve that children would have the wisdom, in their young lives, to actually appreciate both religions and possibly make their own choice later.  I still tend to agree with this line of thinking.

My first wife and I agreed to raise our children Jewish.  We attended an “Introduction to Judaism” course of 15 three-hour lectures, and also attended the obligatory “extra credit” outside homework, that included visiting various temples, Jewish libraries, stores, and places that offered a Jewish experience (that might have included attending a Bar or Bat Mitzvah or a traditional Jewish wedding, as well as different services of the primary three Jewish denominations).

It was a wonderful refresher course, for me, and my wife did complete it and choose to convert before we married and had children.  We raised them in a Jewish household, though I was the parent with the primary responsibility for their religious education. Ultimately, both boys became a Bar Mitzvah after their thirteenth birthdays.

I believe this religious foundation was good and that both boys appreciate and respect their Jewish heritage.  I’m glad we did it that way.  However, in my second marriage, with children not a question, my wife has chosen to keep and practice her Christian faith.  At first, I struggled with how this might impact my boys and me.  The Christmas tree was the first hurdle since it is symbolic to me as it so represented something contrary to my faith.

I got over that hurdle and next I attended my wife’s church where, to my surprise, I found myself completely enjoying the magnificent services produced at Calvary Church.  I use the word “produced” from the position of a former television producer who appreciates the careful “production values” of their services, from the big screens that project the words to the songs sung, to videos sometimes shown, to check-lists and information on those screens that relate to what the pastor may be preaching.

I don’t believe in Jesus, but we share the same basic belief in the Old Testament and the same values that the Ten Commandments oblige Jews and Christians alike to live.  I enjoyed the services so much that I approached the senior Pastor, Shawn Thornton, and the youth ministries Pastor, Drew Sams, and complemented them on a job well done.

My conversation with Pastor Drew Sams led to his becoming my regular guest on the “Teen Rap” segment of my new Radio Show.  We’ve begun a friendship that embraces our respective faiths and I’ve actually attended several other Calvary services just for the joy, heart, and wisdom in them.  The fact that both Pastor Drew and Pastor Shawn are remarkable speakers who preach such inherently valuable words of wisdom is a bonus, along with the artistry of the revolving bands playing first-rate professional music to begin and end the services.

Who would have thought that this stubborn, set-in-his-ways, guy would be singing along to gospel music, swaying back and forth, and listening attentively to every word a Christian pastor spoke?  Not me.  As for my boys, they are seeped in Judaism.  Their adult path is theirs to choose.  I will stay a Jew, but I now can share and enjoy my wife’s faith, more than I ever imagined.  And, as we both learned during our courtship, it would have been harder to have opposite political values given the divisive nature of political discourse these days than have our different religions, where we share the same basic values.  How ironic. How surprising. How wonderful.

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan

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Backwards and Inside Out

I can’t believe I had to say those three words, “I am sorry,” to my husband tonight. Please don’t get me wrong. I have no problem saying I am sorry when I am wrong, but for this?

A couple of weeks ago, our baby girl spit up all over her outfit and mine, just as we were ready to leave for work and day care. I quickly ran up the stairs, handed Molly to her daddy, along with a clean dress. I quickly changed my clothes and ran back downstairs to clean the floor, before the dog could do it for me. It was barely 7:00 am. I went to work and Todd dropped the kids off at day care. 

At 5:00 pm, I picked up Tyler and Molly and headed home to feed them (Todd had a meeting to go to). I finished feeding Molly and started burping her. As I tapped her on the back, my hand hit something. What could it be? I looked at her back and immediately started giggling. I was hitting three big buttons. Yes, her dress was on backwards and yes, it was the same dress daddy put her in at 7:00 am. Can you tell that daddy is used to boys? He has brothers and has had a son for almost four years. He is new to the little girl thing. Pink was a foreign color in our house until six months ago.

When Todd got home, I let him know, through my giggles, that Molly spent her day in a backwards dress. He said, “Are you sure?” Of course I am sure, the three quarter sized buttons were spaced down the length of her back and the two pockets were on her bum. Looking perplexed he said, “Buttons can go in the back and I have pockets on my behind. What is the problem?” The whole thing made both of us laugh until tears ran down our faces. He then asked if I would dress Molly in the morning. Sure, why not. The things we do to keep our spouses happy and stress free.

Fast forward to today. Our morning routine was a little out of sync. Todd had to go into work early, so I was charged with getting Tyler and Molly up, fed, dressed and dropped off at day care on time. I also had to take the dog out and get myself ready. I also have to admit that I am having trouble getting out of bed this week because once again it is dark out when the alarm goes off (a sign that summer is starting to fade away).

I went to work hoping for a calm day, which is pretty unusual the week before school starts, but a girl can hope. It was close to 10:30 am when I received a frustrating email. Instead of hitting reply, I thought it was in my best interest to take a walk and clear my head. I told my office mates that I was going for a walk. After a few seconds, I found myself in the ladies room. This is when it happened. 

I looked down and realized that my underwear was inside out. Yes, inside out. I started to laugh out loud (glad there was no one else in the bathroom). Needless to say, I forgot all about that frustrating email. I am happy to report that my underwear was clean, just inside out. This was not some college trick of waiting until the last minute to do laundry when your only two choices are to wear it inside out or run to Target.  

I have no one to blame for this, but myself. But, I do have someone to apologize to – my husband. For we all make fashion mistakes – backwards or inside out!

Jennifer Howe lives in Huntersville, NC with her husband, Todd, and two children, Tyler (3 ½ ) and Molly (6 months). She is a member of LakeNormanMommies and is the Director of Communications at a local independent school in Charlotte, NC.

 If you would like to be a guest writer on the TMN blog, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org

TMN National Auction SNEAK PEEK!

The Mommies Network is excited that we will be offering over $20,000 in donated items for our 1st Annual National Auction! The auction won't begin until September 5th, but to give you a "sneak peak" of the items that will be available, here's a listing of all the donations! Thank you to everyone who has donated and we hope that everyone else will join us in bidding starting September 5th at 10pm! Be sure to have your eBay account set up so that you can bid! We will be posting the specific auction links as soon as the auction goes live!

• $100 Gift Certificate donated by Instant Impressions Travel Services
• $100 Gift Certificate donated by Mothering the Mother
• $100 Photography Credit donated by Smile Peace Love Photography
• $25 Gift Certificate donated by Initials, Inc.
• $50 Gift Certificate donated by Two Mommas Designs
• $75 gift certificate donated by Franklin Goose
• 1 bag of laundry detergent in Lavender, 1 bag of Cloth Diaper Detergent in Cucumber Melon, 1 bag of Pail powder in Grapefruit, and a Wipe Bits Sample and handmade washcloth donated by Ruby Moon Natural Laundry Wash
• 1 hour of organizing donated by Simplify
• 1 Red Happy Heinys One-Size Diaper and 1 Khaki ReSnackit reusable sandwich baggie donated by The Earthy Baby
• 13' x 13' Bouncer Rental donated by Click to Party
• 2 complimentary tickets - valid through 12/31/10 donated by Fort Worth Zoological
• 2 complimentary tickets - valid through January 2 donated by Six Flags Discovery Kingdom
• 2 hours of service donated by Little Miracles Baby Planning
• 2 tickets to Six Flags Over Georgia and Six Flags White Water donated by Six Flags Over Georgia
• 4 Dish on Me Cards donated by Let's Dish!
• 4 hours of design work donated by Architectural Design
• 4 Tier Cow Diaper Cake donated by Granny's Baby Gifts
• 4 Week Adventure Boot Camp donated by Central Carolina Boot Camp
• 8" Round Cake donated by Cakes by Kathleen
• A day of wedding photography donated by Barbour Photos
• Angora Scentsy warmer and Camu Camu Scentsy bar donated by Scentsy
• Baby Beebo with CD and song book donated by Baby Signs
• Baby Signs Board Book Set donated by Baby Signs
• Baby Signs Cloth Book Set donated by Baby Signs
• Baby Sling donated by Dragonfly Designs
• Baby Travel Set donated by Nicole Michelle's Creations
• Basic H donated by Shaklee
• Beaded Angel Trio donated by Chibis Dodahs
• Beaded Cowgirl donated by Chibis Dodahs
• Beads of Bounty Earrings donated by AuraStella
• Bear Ears Baby Hat donated by YellBaby
• Billy Gorilly - Rockin' the School House vol 1 & 2 CD Set donated by Flying Kitten Music
• Billy Gorilly - Rockin' the School House vol 1 & 2 CD Set donated by Flying Kitten Music
• Billy Gorilly - Rockin' the School House vol 1 & 2 CD Set donated by Flying Kitten Music
• Billy Gorilly - Rockin' the School House vol 1 & 2 CD Set donated by Flying Kitten Music
• Billy Gorilly - Rockin' the School House vol 1 & 2 CD Set donated by Flying Kitten Music
• Birthday Celebration donated by My Gym
• Black and White Lovey Blanket donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• Boo Boo Bag donated by Cutie Baby Stuff
• Boogie Wipes Basket donated by Boogie Wipes
• Box 4 Blox donated by Box 4 Blox
• Box 4 Blox donated by Box 4 Blox
• Box 4 Blox donated by Box 4 Blox
• Box 4 Blox donated by Box 4 Blox
• Boxes for Beads, Baubles and Barettes donated by Ely's Easel
• Britax Boulevard Convertible Car Seat donated by Great Beginnings
• Britax Vigour Stroller - Blue donated by Great Beginnings
• Bumble Bee Grow With Me Tutu donated by One Tutu Three
• Burt's Bees Baby Bee Getting Started Kit donated by Your Clean Green Store
• Car Seat Cover donated by Handmade by Holly's Mom
• Car Seat Cover donated by Handmade by Holly's Mom
• Castle Marbleworks donated by Discovery Toys/Wendy Mears
• Chiropratic Package donated by Gray Family Chiropractic
• Chocolate Kisses Tutu and Matching Headband donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• Christmas Snowflakes donated by Chibis Dodahs
• Cloth Diaper Gift Set for Boys in Large donated by Baby Bug Diapers
• Cloth Diaper Gift Set for Boys in Medium donated by Baby Bug Diapers
• Cloth Diaper Gift Set for Boys in Small donated by Baby Bug Diapers
• Cloth Diaper Gift Set for Girls in Large donated by Baby Bug Diapers
• Cloth Diaper Gift Set for Girls in Medium donated by Baby Bug Diapers
• Cloth Diaper Gift Set for Girls in Small donated by Baby Bug Diapers
• Creative Wall Décor donated by Accent Create
• Custom Designed Outfit donated by Jilly Beans by Charlotte
• Custom DNA Art Piece donated by My Gene Image
• Custom Drink Coasters donated by Reflections Interior Design
• Custom Portrait Tote donated by green mum
• Dallas Cowboys Fleece Blanket donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• Deep Steep Organic Bubble Baths Lavender Chamomile donated by Your Clean Green Store
• Deluxe hotel accomodations (one room) for one night at the Holiday Inn Chicago-Elmhurt and access for four (4) to the Mayan Adventure Indoor Waterpark donated by Mayan Adventure Indoor Waterpark
• Diaper Bassinet, 2 Diaper Candy Rolls, 2 Wash Cloth Lollipops, 2 Diaper Muffins, Mini Washcloth Baby and Rubber Ducky donated by Mommy's Baby Cakes
• Dog Grooming DVD of Choice donated by Le Spa De La Pooch LLC
• Dog Grooming DVD of Choice donated by Le Spa De La Pooch LLC
• Dog Grooming DVD Set donated by Le Spa De La Pooch LLC
• Draped-bodice Dress donated by Wear You Are
• Energy Healing & Intuitive Guidance Long Distance Session donated by Toward the Light
• Ergo Baby Organic Carrier - Black Embroidered donated by Ergo
• Ergo Organic Twill Dark Chocolate Front Pouch donated by Ergo
• Felt Bundle of Veggies donated by Creative Crunchy Mama
• First Morning, Poems About Time; Never Say Boo to a Goose donated by Barefoot Books
• Fleece Baby Blanket donated by Baby Blankets and More
• Fleece Baby Blanket donated by Baby Blankets and More
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Free month package (one free month of unlimited classes and full uniform set) donated by Martin's Taekwondo America
• Frog Toy donated by Wee Little Changes
• Frog with chin tie baby hat donated by YellBaby
• Gift Set Trio donated by Tastefully Simple
• Glass Bead Bracelet donated by Cookie Lee
• Going Green Lunchbox Package donated by Fabkins, Ribbiting Boutique, and
  Vapur
• Goodbyns Green Bento Lunchbox donated by Your Clean Green Store
• Hairbows donated by Mama Ro's Crafts and Bows
• Hand-painted bookmark collection donated by Poedy Pencil Princess
• Headband and hairbow donated by Hedgehogs n Hairbows
• Headbands with Flowers donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• ID Purse donated by Initials, inc.
• Infant Carrier Cover donated by Granny's Baby Gifts
• Just Like Me Doll donated by Initials, Inc.
• Magic Train Ride Paperback book donated by Barefoot Books
• Mary Kay Color Compact and Lip Gloss donated by Mary Kay
• Mary Kay Pineapple Gift Set donated by Mary Kay
• Mary Kay Pineapple Gift Set donated by Mary Kay
• Mary Kay Subtle Tanning Lotion & TimeWise® Age-Fighting Moisturizer Sunscreen SPF 15 donated by Mary Kay
• Membership and 4 week tuition donated by My Gym
• Metro Clutch donated by Initials, Inc.
• Motherhood painting donated by Poedy Pencil Princess
• My Pal for Peace donated by LorettaRose, LLC
• My Sibling Doll - Matty donated by LorettaRose, LLC
• NC Concealed Carry Class donated by CCWOFNC
• New Mommy Makeover DVDs donated by New Mommy Makeover
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• New Mommy Package donated by Luna Lullaby
• NRA Basic Pistol Class donated by CCWOFNC
• NRA First Steps Pistol Class donated by CCWOFNC
• Off We go to Mexico; My Granny Went to Market; Around the World puzzle donated by Barefoot Books
• Olly Planet "Olly 4 Heads" Design 2T T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly 4 Heads" Design 4T T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly 4 Heads" Design Youth Small T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly Hats" Design 2T T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly Hats" Design 4T T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly Hats" Design Youth Small T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly Heads" Design 2T T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly Heads" Design 4T T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly Heads" Design Youth Medium T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• Olly Planet "Olly Heads" Design Youth Small T-shirt donated by Olly Planet
• One hour photography session donated by Blooming Daisies Photography LLC
• One year FREE website hosing and domain name registration donated by Sprig Web Solutions
• On-location portrait session in the DC metro area. donated by AnneMarie Hamant Photography
• Parenting Coaching donated by On the Ball Life and Parent Coaching
• Partylite Basket donated by Partylite
• PBC Princess Tutu and Matching Headband donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• PBC Punk Tutu and Matching Headband donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• Personlized Necklace donated by Silver Shed Studio
• Photography Package donated by Destinee Blau Photography
• Photography Package donated by Elle Rose Photography
• Photography Session donated by Audrey Anderson Photography
• Photography Session and 8x10 Print donated by Brooke Benetatos Photography
• Premium Complete Care Gift Basket donated by Nature Certified
• Pumpkin Roll Cupcake Candle donated by Candle Confections
• Resume & Cover Letter Revision donated by Athena Educational Consultants, Inc.
• Riviera Scentsy warmer and Enchanted Mist Scentsy bar donated by Scentsy
• Servin' Up Sunshine Gift Basket donated by Tastefully Simple
• Set of 30 - 1 inch Wooden Alphabet Blocks - Orange and Multi-Colored with Canister donated by Designed by Lemony
• Sewing e-books donated by AiviloCharlotte Designs
• Size 4 floral girls dress donated by Chibis Dodahs
• Skull n Bones Pink Fleece Blanket donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• Small Lunch Tote in Boho Paisley, embroidered with "Snack" donated by Thirty-One Gifts
• Small lunch tote in Navy Breeze donated by Thirty-One Gifts
• Snug-a-Bug Ring Sling donated by Mommy Secrets
• Soccor Ball Cork Board donated by Of Wall Things
• Sofia Pearl Bib Necklace donated by Stella & Dot
• Sports Theme Lovey Blanket donated by Pumpkin Butt Creations
• Stained Glass Picture Frame donated by Dragonfly Designs
• Stay Cool Jacket w/hood donated by Wear You Are
• Sterling Silver and Blue Goldstone Necklace and Earring Set donated by JennyB
• Storybook Starter Package donated by Heritage Makers
• Tastefully Simple Beer Bread Mix and Tastefully Simple Indivdiual Garlic, Garlic Mix donated by Tastefully Simple
• Tegu, The Original Set donated by Tegu
• The Adventures of Curlylock and Stripperella: A Modern Mother's Tale and Curlylocks and the Monster Problem Books donated by DE Montgomery
• The Adventures of Curlylock and Stripperella: A Modern Mother's Tale and Curlylocks and the Monster Problem Books donated by DE Montgomery
• The Adventures of Curlylock and Stripperella: A Modern Mother's Tale and Curlylocks and the Monster Problem Books donated by DE Montgomery
• The Adventures of Curlylock and Stripperella: A Modern Mother's Tale and Curlylocks and the Monster Problem Books donated by DE Montgomery
• The Boy Who Grew Flowers; Jack and the Beanstalk donated by Barefoot Books
• The Diaper Photography Prop donated by Little Knit Knacks
• The Diaper Wrap donated by Little Knit Knacks
• The Emma Dress donated by Belle Papillon
• The Fart Fairy Book and Audio CD donated by Best Fairy Books
• The Fart Fairy Book and Audio CD donated by Best Fairy Books
• The Journey Home from Grandpa's; The Animal Boogie; The Farmyard Jamboree donated by Morro Bay Story Tree
• The Lacy Wrap Infant Photo Prop donated by Little Knit Knacks
• The Lady and Sons Cookbook donated by Paula Deen
• The P'unkin Hat donated by Little Knit Knacks
• The Yellow Bag donated by The Baby Nurse
• Toddler/Preschool Mermaid Towel donated by Happy Hapa
• Travel Safe T-shirt Gift Certificate donated by Travel Safe T-Shirt
• T-shirt Gift Certificate donated by Hola Baby
• T-shirt Gift Certificate donated by Hola Baby
• Ultimate New You Package donated by The Posh Professional
• UNC Tar Heels Baby Gift Set donated by Sarah Bain Baby Design's and Gifts
• Wool Dryer Balls donated by Wooltopia
• Wrap 'n Wear large baby carrier in brown donated by Wrap 'n Wear

4 Going on 14

Joseph is 4, going on 14.  Let me clarify...he's 4 going on 14-year-old teenage girl.  Case in point...

"Joseph, baby," I say mildly while getting ready for work, "please finish your breakfast."

"You don't like me!"

"What?"

"You don't like me, Mommy!"  Joseph jumps down from his chair and stands in front of me, his hands on his hips, chin poked out belligerently.  "You don't like me and you want me to go away!"

"Uh..."

"I'm. Leaving."  He stomps to the front door and throws it open, walking out to the front stoop.  I look at Chad, eyebrow raised.

"When did we get a teenage girl in the house?"

"Not sure.  But he's pretty impressive."  I walk into his room to put on my mascara where the lighting is far better.  Joseph stands outside, face pressed as close to his bedroom window as possible.

"You don't like me, Mommy.  You want me to go away and never come back.  You don't love me anymore."

Chad tries to play mediator.  "Aww...c'mon Joseph.  Mommy loves you."

"NO!  She.  Doesn't,"  he cries as he crosses his arms in front of him.

"Yes, she does," Chad says soothingly.  Meanwhile I keep putting on my makeup.  Chad comes into the room and whispers, "Aren't you going to do something?"

"Baby, I have three younger sisters.  The best course of action is to say nothing."  Minutes later Joseph walks in.

"Did you hear me?!  You. Don't. Like. Me."  He stomps his feet in emphasis.

"Course I like you, Joseph, I love you.  But have you ever thought that you're perpetuating drama for drama's sake?"

"I'm not PETUATING!"

"Well...either that or you're creating drama where none exists."

"Oh."  He thinks about that for a minute.  "Can I watch Scooby Doo?"

"After you finish your breakfast."

"YOU DON'T LIKE ME!!"

"I actually need to go to work now, baby."

"Okay!  Hugs and kisses!"  I give him a big hug and kisses and walk out the door as Joseph turns to Chad.

"You. Don't. Like. Me!"

"What did I do?!"


Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the beautiful Central Coast of California.  When she's not researching teenage parenting techniques for her four-year-old, she can be found blogging at http://inmandyland.blogspot.com.


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That Mommy...

I have turned into “that mom.” The one who brings her baby into the restaurant, even though the other customers would prefer I didn’t; the one who doesn’t have time for the movies and frankly, doesn't want to leave my family that long… Yep, I have turned into that mom.

 

I always said the most horrible things about parents like that. “Oh goodness, here comes a selfish mom who is going to let her baby scream the entire time we are eating…” or the ever-so hilarious, “my child will never cry like that in public.” HA!  Man, ignorance is bliss! If only I knew now that someday I would be that mom… The one who is praying she (and the other customers) can eat in peace.

 

Now, I don’t know about you ladies, but I really just wing it. I was such an “expert” on child-rearing while I was pregnant. No “processed crap” (aka formula) would touch my daughter’s lips! Little did I know, I ended up getting very sick and unable to breastfeed. Also, my daughter’s birth would definitely be all-natural, because my child will NOT be born all drugged up and loopy…. LOL! I needed to be induced and as soon as the contractions hit one after the other I begged for the epidural… To be honest, I was so happy I did! That thing was bliss!

 

My days now consist of pbs kids and researching car seats. (I am currently in the market for a convertible seat, if anyone has any suggestions!) I hate to be away from my daughter and husband, and if given the choice, I would be home with them instead of out without them. And honestly, I am 100% okay with that.

 

I guess I am just saying this because you never really know what’s ahead. I was so judgmental (sorry other mommies!) but what I didn’t understand was that there are some things that are far beyond our control. Having children is neither convenient, nor “fashion forward,” but it is the best thing in the world and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

 

 

Megan Greco is an Army wife and mother to an infant daughter. She and her family live in Clarksville, TN. You can read more from her about being a new mom and Army wife at http://megangreco.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

If you would like to contribute to the TMN blog as a guest writer, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org 

Glorious Time!

What a glorious time I had yesterday!  I got to go get my bangs trimmed and almost by myself.  I put my son Xander down for a nap and told my husband I was going to finally get our grocery shopping done. It was a week late.  Once I had our baby in her car seat and me in my driver’s seat, I started the car. Only when I glanced in the rear view mirror I thought, “Really? I’m going out in public like this?”  My bangs hung nearly half way down the bridge of my nose … at least it felt that way.  In reality, they were just far enough into my eyes to start driving me slowly insane. 

Now that I’m a mother, I feel so lucky and blessed each day, yet I still have my moments. I just turned 40. I have a nearly three year old boy and a 10 month baby girl.  As mothers we are pulled so many different directions.  When I had a career, I taught high school and middle school theater, and held down another part time job in finance.  I thought that life was stressful.

I never knew what true stress felt like until I experienced rearing my own children (I also never knew true innocent love either).  Yet, it was the bangs that seemed to be taking me over the edge that day.  So with a puff of air to blow them out of my eyes, I thought, let’s just drive by a Super Cuts and see if I could get in.

Within minutes I was there.  The parking lot looked fairly empty, “Score!”  I parked the car, grabbed the baby and in we went.  No one was waiting.  In fact there were just the two hair dressers gabbing.  “What the freak!” I thought, “I’ll get an all around trim.”  I sat in the chair and asked for a dry cut; no time for the whole treatment.  I still had to get to the grocery store.  Rory sat in her car seat happy as a clam, playing with her rattle while mom gave herself a treat.  Within twenty five minutes I was done and it was a decent trim, I might add. 

As I got in my car, I glanced back in the mirror, There you are, I thought.  Smiling, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the grocery store.  I was back at the house within an hour and a half.  It’s these little moments that help me to reflect; I love my life.  I may have my own hairdresser upset with me a bit, but I have my sanity and no more bang issue and can conquer another day.  I’m a happy mom!

Traci Nelson is a mother to two beautiful children, almost three year old boy and a 10 month old baby girl.  She is a stay at home mom, who occasionally directs community theater around town in Salt Lake City.  She and her husband have been married for 5 years after an almost twenty year separation from there high school days. 

If you would like to contribute to the TMN blog as a guest author, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org

13 Years Later

I am still grieving and still hurting, just not as much as I used to and I think that is a good thing.

 

August 22 and December 22 every year following 1997 has been hard.  You see, 13 years ago my first daughter was born and four months later, she passed away.  Her name was Theresa Marie and she was born premature weighing 1lb 7oz at 24 weeks.  I was sick with toxemia, pre-eclyampsia and hypertension - once I got to the hospital, there was no turning back, it was deliver her or possibly lose both of us.  To this day I am not sure how my husband at the time made the call about what to do in the situation.  I was close to incoherent and pretty unaware of my surroundings.

 

Since Theresa, I have had another daughter, Samantha, and she is almost 12 and is wonderful.  The beginning was rocky, she was almost a repeat of her sister, being born at 26 weeks, same problems, weighing in at a whopping 2lbs 7oz.  She asks about her sister all the time and always wonders what happened and is pretty inquisitive.  I told her this year she could go with me to the cemetery if she wanted, I was scared since she said yes, but at the same time, I was pretty excited about it.

 

We went, we talked, she didn't really know what to do or say, but she said she was glad she went.  She looked around for a 4-leaf clover, that made me laugh.  When we were done, we made a trip to Dairy Queen and then she went back to her dad's house.  All in all it was a good day and it was nice to cry a little, laugh a little and mourn at the same time.  I am pretty fortunate being a single mom to have some good friends who were there to support me, help with Sammie and hug me when I was down and crying.

 

I just wonder if after all these years will the pain stop?  Will the grieving ever be done?  I have gone to support groups, talked to a psychologist and done all the recommended things that parents should do when they lose a child.  I ask myself if I should stop the "routine" that I have been doing since 1998 or if I should keep doing it because it brings me peace?  I alter what I do a little every year, and every year the pain subsides a little faster and honestly, that scares me a tad bit.

 

Are there other parents out there that have experienced this kind of loss?

 

I am a fan of online communities for certain things, and that is one reason I love TMN, but when it comes to private and sensitive subjects like this, I like to know the person I am speaking/writing to and have some sense of personal communication with them instead of just typing back and forth - I mean who knows who you are talking to sometimes and if they are honest.

 

Anyone have any suggestions?

 

All I do know is that as a mom I find strength in Samantha's smile, laughter and joy.  She makes everyday a little bit easier and a lot brighter.  Being a child and seeing the world through a child's eyes is so hard, yet so simple.  I am a nanny for a six year old girl and a nine year old boy - when I have all three kids, it is so cool to see the things they create with their hands and how they interperet and hear things, so totally unique.

 

What I do know is 13 years later I am glad that I have experienced what I have and that I have enjoyed the life I have led thus far in my 32 years on this earth.  There is nothing quite as wonderful as being a mom, it makes me grin from ear to ear and laugh so hard, sometimes I just pee my pants!

 

Joelyn Morgan

http://joelynmorgan.blogspot.com

 

 

If you'd like to contribute to the TMN blog as a guest writer, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org

My Runaway Heart

A few weeks ago, my 6 1/2 year old decided he was going to run away from home.  Why you ask?  Well, horror of all horrors, I wouldn't let him watch a movie!  I know, i'm a terrible Mother.  The whole thing was quite comical, but did have many layers of good lessons for both of us.  I'll get to the lessons later.  The comedy went down like this:

We were enjoying a leisurely dessert of ice cream on the deck, when"L" asked if he could watch a movie when he was finished.  I decided against it because he had already watched his limit of T.V. for the day.  Apparently, that was more disappointment than he could handle, so after much begging, he declared that he was running away.  I pretended not to hear that for a little while, but it became obvious that it wasn't going to work this time.  I began to explain as simply as I could that it just isn't safe for a 6 yr. old to travel alone.  Well, my son had a well thought-out answer for everything I threw at him!  Seems he's quite the debator (one of the traits i fear he inherited from me...paybacks!)  "L", "I won't fall for any tricks Mom, if a stranger asks me for help, or wants to give me candy, I'll run as fast as i can!"  Me, "Well, what if you get lost?" "L", "I'll take my chalk and leave a trail!"  Oh boy, I'm in trouble.  He's determined!  This debate went on for a good 30-40 minutes.  During this time, he was inching his way off the deck into the yard.  The funny thing is every few minutes he would ask permission to go!  "So Mom, can i go now?"  At least he was using his manners, right?!?!

I finally decided that I was going to have to let him try, or he'd find a reason to want to run away the next day, and the next until he tried it.  I would follow him of course.  So I took a deep breath and said, "Well, you seem to really want to go.  Will you at least give me a hug & kiss goodbye?"  Now, "L" is not the huggy type, so to my surprise, he walked over a little teary-eyed and gave me a hug and kiss!  I know, this is all so dramatic, but just wait, it gets worse!  Then, he said he needed to get something to take with him...he went inside and came out with his baggie of Silly Bandz!!!  No pictures, blankie, favorite keepsake...Silly Bandz!!  I had to try not to bust out laughing!  On the inside, I was a bundle of nerves.. he's really going to do this!

Off he went into the backyard around to the sidewalk.  During this whole time, my 4 yr. old was listening very intently.  My kids are very close, and I think it's safe to say, best friends.  Well, the second he left the yard, "J" burst into tears....DRAMA!  Now this is making me even more emotional!  I quickly whisked her inside to explain that we were going to watch him from the window, he'd be fine.  Now it's starting to look like a scene from a movie.  "J" runs to the front door sobbing and holding her dress up to her eyes to blot the tears, "L, I don't want you to go!"  (Really, I'm not making this up!)  With that, he hears her crying.  He was only a driveway away.  He comes running to the door, "J what's wrong, what happened?  Why are you crying?"  "J" keeps sobbing, "Because I don't want you to go!"  "L",  "I'll be fine, J, I won't get lost I promise.  I'll be back."...."J" keeps sobbing.

Through all of that, he was unaware that I was peeking out the window.  I was trying to comfort "J", while keeping an eye on him the whole time.  Finally, he made it 3 houses down the street to where I could barely see him.  I grabbed "J" and started outside to get a better view, and get into the car if I had to.  Just as I get outside, I hear the ice-cream truck. (a very rare occasion in our neighborhood)  As I look down the street toward "L", here comes the truck toward him.  Well, the driver must have thought "L" was coming to tag him down, and very quickly pulled the truck over to the curb.  It was perfect.  "L"  FREAKED!!!  All I see is him turn around screaming, "MOMMMMYYY!" and running faster than I've ever seen him run home.  I was of course heroically waiting in the driveway to comfort him!  "Mommy, there was a truck with 2 men, and they were gonna take me!"

Could the timing of this been any better for my son who had an answer for every scenario I threw at him?  My heart ached for how frightened he was, but at the same time, I had to try not to laugh!  The whole scene was kind of comical!  I would love to know what the ice-cream man thought!

I think it'll be a long time before "L" decides to run away from home again.

Now to the lessons.  "L" obviously realized the dangers of being 6 and alone on the street.  I think he also realized on a 6 yr. old level how much he's loved, protected, and safe at home.  Even without an extra movie, he's got it pretty darn good.

As for me, I've had so many emotions about this for weeks now.  I couldn't help but feel the aching tug at my heart.  Since the day they are born, they are constantly pulling away from us.  Striving for independence and confidence, to be their own little person.  It all comes in stages, and each one hurts a little more.  Weening, starting school, first run away attempt.  I was having flash forwards the whole time.  The first time he drives on his own, going away to college, and hurt of all hurts for a mother, finding another woman to love and getting married.  Each time these things occur they tug at my heart, and I'm sure take a little piece with it.

Then I realized too, how much he needed me to let him go.  He longed for me to say it was o.k.  "Mom, can I go now?"  I guess my job is to give him the tools, and character to be o.k.  And he will.  For every tug or piece missing from my heart, he will fill it with something more.  Becoming a great person.   Going away, but coming back with more.   Someday I hope that he has a fulfilling life, happiness, someone to love him back, and if he chooses, a family of his own.  My heart will then be overflowing.

Megan Fani

I am a Mother, Wife, and small business owner.  I love to write when I can find a few extra minutes out of the day.  My interests are, well, all over the place!  You can read my blog at:  http://4megsmusing.wordpress.com/

If you would like to contribute as a guest writer to the TMN blog, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org

What’s for lunch today?

   Technically, it’s not back to school for us: my little Toddlebug is starting preschool two days a week for the very first time, while I’ll be at home instead of going back to teaching. I’ve been thinking about the snacks lunches I’ll have to pack for preschool. I remember that as a teacher I used to make a sandwich and grab a yogurt and an apple—or pick up whatever frozen meal was on sale. I often under-packed and was so hungry (and tired) that I didn’t make great choices later in the day. At least two nights a week, my husband and I would have the same conversation:
        “What do you want for dinner?”
        “I don’t know. What do you want?”
        “I don’t know. How about Chinese?”
With Toddlebug in the picture, we have to do better than that. (I will forever cringe at having eaten candy for dinner a few hours before going into labor.) With some organization, I’ve learned to plan dinners better, and I can also plan lunches and snacks, whether we’re at home or on the go. I’ve been packing lunches for my husband to get him away from ramen noodles and a bag of chips.
    If you’re thinking of packing lunches as well, here are some things you may want to consider:
•    your nutrition/food group goals (whole grains? at least one vegetable? no fake stuff?),
•    dietary restrictions (allergies? religious considerations?),
•    microwave access (leftovers are great, but not for most preschools),
•    avoiding wasteful disposable items,
•    your children’s favorite foods,
•    length of lunch time and your child’s reluctance to work for food (e.g., some kids won’t have time to peel an orange, so peel it before packing).
•    Will your child pack every day, or buy some days? (That’s not an issue with our preschool, which does not offer meals.)
•    Are you competing with a school lunch your child finds appealing, or with ads for products like Uncrustables or Lunchables?
•    Do you have a certain budget to keep in mind?

    Next, browse the web for pictures that will inspire you. Look for “bento” (the Japanese word for a packed lunch) on flickr and blogs. Don’t be intimidated by people who can sculpt a whole Star Wars battle scene out of a hard-boiled egg and three carrot sticks; you’re just looking for some ideas.
    You’ll probably also find reviews of lunchboxes. If you haven’t already chosen yours, it’s time to pick a box and inner containers. Do you need one piece so nothing gets lost, or lots of flexibility for little Miss ButIHadThatYesterday? Are you looking to buy something that will last for years, or something you won’t miss if it gets left on the school bus? Should the containers be microwave-safe? Do you want a built-in ice pack? Do you need a different color for each family member? Make sure your child knows how to open the containers.
    Then there’s the food. I typically go grocery shopping once on the weekend, and we get a box of produce halfway through the week. I save money by choosing the big jar of applesauce, 32-oz. container of yogurt, large box of raisins, etc. and decanting them into small containers when I need them. You might want to get a couple of different kinds of bread (maybe bagels or English muffins sometimes) to change things up if you pack a lot of sandwiches. Once every couple of weeks, I bake zucchini muffins, banana bread, or some other reasonably healthy treat that freezes well—and don’t need to be defrosted before packing. I also make some hard-boiled eggs on Sunday night. I cut up vegetables and do most of the packing the night before, but you may find you can do some of that early in the week as well.
    Last is the “cuteness factor.” Just as teachers are sometimes surprised by how much high-schoolers enjoy getting a smiley-face sticker, you might be impressed by what your kids will eat if it’s in the right shape. I’ll be doing a Letter of the Week theme with Toddlebug, but an older child might appreciate a having foods cut with a little cookie cutter that matches his or her interests (cars? music notes? cats?). It’s especially effective on fruits and vegetables that are only borderline acceptable to a kid. (It works on my husband, too!) And did you know that sushi rice and hard-boiled eggs can be easily molded into shapes like teddy bears?
    You may not have time to make creative lunches five times a week. Start small if you want—maybe just Tuesdays. Or what about one special item every day? It really only takes a few minutes. And if you pack a good lunch, there’s less pressure on everybody to have a dinner that’s 100% perfect.
    How about Chinese?

Michelle Hunter
Basic Bento
http://basicbento.blogspot.com


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A Dad's Point of View: The State of Gender Affairs

There’s no question that technology changes faster than most of us yuppies and boomers can handle.  I don’t know what the current number of years for technology “generations” is, but I do know that if you have children five or more years apartin age, they will each use technology differently.  I’ve observed my own two boys, just three years apart, using social media/smart phones each in his own distinct way. My younger son relies almost exclusively on texting, while my older son actually occasionally talks on his cell-phone. 

Things may not move quite this fast with our gender “state of affairs” but I assert that we are now experiencing changes in our gender roles much faster than at any other time in human history.  While I’m part of the sixties generation where we believed we re-invented everything, from sex to politics, established that anyone over 30 didn’t know anything, changed college life forever, was the first generation to have the pill, and the first to topple a presidency and end a war by withdrawal, we still have our own adjustments to these gender changes. 

Title IX did not exist.  Anita Hill hadn’t happened and the term “sexual harassment” sounded to us flower children like a come-on line.  Women senators, governors, and CEOs were far from commonplace, and the notion of a male secretary or a female firefighter was unheard of.  Divorce was still stigmatized, shame existed as a consequence of poor behavior, reality TV meant Walter Cronkite, seeing a movie was only possible in a theatre, and phones had wires and rotary dials.  

Today, naturally, things are quite different.  The Pew Center released a study on January 19, 2010, called “The New Economics of Marriage: The Rise of Wives,” which revealed how dramatic some of these gender changes have been in the past 40 years. This study mostly discussed marriage and income, changes in who worked and stayed home, gender educational levels reached, and other marital statistics.  

For instance, “In 1970, 28% of wives…had husbands who were better educated than they were, outnumbering the 20% whose husbands had less education. By 2007, these patterns had reversed: 19% of wives had husbands with more education, versus 28% whose husbands had less education. In the remaining couples -- about half in 1970 and 2007 -- spouses have similar education levels.” (From the Pew Center Study). 

How can these changes not affect gender relationships?  

The study also related changes in marital issues, and concluded that the “reshuffling of marriage patterns from 1970 to 2007” during which time, “Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year-olds, women now are the majority both of college graduates and those who have some college education but not a degree. Women's earnings grew 44% from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men.” 

Does anyone still question how much different our roles and expectations for each gender are today vs. just a few decades ago? 

Another finding from this study relates to what has occurred to men and women during our present economic downturn, which ”is reinforcing these gender reversal trends, because it has hurt employment of men more than that of women.”  

Have these changes affected marriage?  You betcha. The study went on to say that, “These days, Americans are more likely than in the past to cohabit, divorce, marry late or not marry at all. There has been a marked decline in the share of Americans who are currently married.  Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year- olds, 60% were married in 2007, compared with 84% in 1970.” 

How have all these changes affected men’s and women’s roles within marriage?  Another Pew Research Center survey, in 2008, found “that wives who earn more than their husbands are more likely to have decision-making power, especially over major purchases and household finances. According to the survey, in couples where the husband makes more money, spouses are about equally likely to say that husbands (35%) and wives (36%) make most decisions regarding household finances. However, in couples where the wife makes more, spouses say that only 21% of husbands make most decisions on household finances, compared with 46% of wives.” 

What does this all mean for our children, for our boys who are now outnumbered in college entrances for the first time in American history?  What will it mean in relationships?  How will it affect the work force? 

I don’t think there’s a clear answer and only time will tell, but like the well-known story of Exodus, where a generation of Israelites weren’t allowed to enter “the promised land” due to their memories, I suspect that my generation will stubbornly cling to our notions of which sex does what.  

In my marriages, both of my wives worked, but I made the larger income and made the major financial decisions.  However, during my first marriage when I left my career to be the SAHD (stay-at-home-dad) and when we later got divorced, I became my boys’ sole parent.  

Those years were very confusing for me because I was not treated as an equal parent at my son’s schools, when I tried to participate in the parent organizations.  I got “lip service” appreciation from the mothers but was mostly ignored.  I believe that was because I am in the transition generation where our gender roles are uncomfortably changing, whether for better or worse.  

During those years, men almost universally asked me one question, “Have you gotten a job yet?”  Women usually asked, “What do you do all day?”  Can you imagine one mom asking another mom that question? 

Now, in my second marriage, I am still the SAHD, working out of my home, still taking care of the majority of our financial needs, while my second wife continues to work in her career. 

You might say that I’m one confused man still wanting to be the “man of the house,” but recognizing the changes that have occurred during my adulthood while not feeling totally comfortable with them.  That is what happens in any “revolution” and we are going through a revolution of gender roles and expectations. 

The boys in my family will know nothing different, as they are growing up with technology that was only in the mind of Stanley Kubrick (well, Isaac Asimov really, I suppose) and gender roles that my parents couldn’t even imagine.  When I was a young boy, I played with my Roy Rogers gun set while wearing my Davey Crocket hat.  The girls I knew loved Ann Margret, from “Bye Bye Birdie,” and Annette Funicello, from “The Mickey Mouse Club.”  

The Sallan boys and their generation are growing up as these gender changes become more acceptable and maybe even second nature to them. Men and women will have interchangeable roles in many instances.  A clear definition of what a man or woman can or should do, may no longer exist.  I sincerely hope it’s for the best.  Time will tell. 

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

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Balanced Diet

I really wish my children ate as healthy as I lead their pediatrician to believe.

"What's Elizabeth eating right now?"

"Oh!  Well, we eat lots of lentils, fish, steamed veggies, eggs and the occasional sweet," I laugh.  In reality, the answer would be Cheerios, with the occasional lentils, fish, steamed veggies and eggs.

"And Joseph?"

"Well, he's a picky eater," I hedge.  "We always offer him a variety of veggies," as long as they're pureed and in a sauce, "cheese," if you consider grated Parmesan a serving of dairy, "and a protein, of course."  Thank God peanut butter is a protein.  Although I don't think Dr. N would approve of a cup of it a day.

It's not that I don't try.  I buy loads of fresh fruit and veggies.  I cook, I chop, I puree, I steam, I bake, I grill.  But when I'm not home?  Cheerios and Saltines.  My husband eats like a bachelor and his children are following in his footsteps.

Every now and then, like a hoarder attempting Spring Cleaning, I clean out the fridge and pantry, throwing out unhealthy foods.  I write a list of appropriate meals for the children.  I talk to Chad about my goal of a healthier life style and, when his eyes start to glaze over at my produce pontification, I promise myself that I'll make it easier on them all; that I'll pre-cut, pre-wash, pre-proportion all meals and snacks.



And, like that hoarder trying to clean out the hall closet, I start to get overwhelmed.  I get lazy.  I stop the prep work.  The food list gets covered by doctor's notices and coupons.  I look the other way as the family has a snacking frenzy of crackers and jam.

And I pray that General Mills truly provides the children with all their daily vitamins.

And I hope that eating a whole box of cereal bars counts as a serving of fruit.

And I worry that too many Fig Newtons negatively effects little digestive tracts.

And I start to think that perhaps, perhaps now is the time to start the kids on a pediatrician approved diet.

And the cycle continues.



Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the beautiful Central Coast of California.  While she's not tossing out old produce and replacing it with new produce that she hopes and prays will get eaten, she can be found blogging at http://inmandyland.blogspot.com.




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BTS - you know what that means...

So, this is the dreaded, yet exciting time of year where my daughter and the kids I babysit are going back to school.  I really don't know what to say, other than this time of year drives me bonkers!!

 

There is the shopping for clothes, shoes, back packs and supplies.  Depending when you go to the store it is a mad dash to the right aisle and cross your fingers they have what your kids need.  Then there are sales and more sales on supplies - it is like Christmas early!  You head to one store for this because it is a penny, and another store for this because it is a nickel - really?  With gas being about $3.00 a gallon, just head to your local Wally World or something similar and get it all there...is it really worth all the running around and gas guzzling?

 

The big deal in our household this year was cool backpacks or messenger bags and shoes.  Three kids all wanting specific book bags and us mom's crossing our fingers they last all year along with the "right" shoes.  I mean really, shoes?  We are talking about a six (girl), nine (boy) and eleven (girl) year old here.  You should have more important stuff to worry about other than shoes!  Here is your pair or boring white tennis shoes for gym and recess...period!  However, that is not the case, there is bling, brand names and athlete endorsements...sheesh!  I guess I am pretty fortunate that Sammie has a pretty unique sense of style and brand names aren't important to her.  She is happy getting stuff from JCP and Kohl's and mixing and matching to her hearts content.  It doesn't take much to make her happy, just some shirts and sweats, maybe a pair of mis-matched socks, hair in a ponytail and she is off - like I said, unique.

 

Then there are the BTS haircuts - why does this have to be so difficult.  I want bangs, I don't want bangs, I want a perm, I want to dye my hair, how about a mohawk, or better yet, a reverse mohawk?  Does it ever stop?  Just let the nice lady trim your hair so we can go home!

 

So, once the hairs are cut, clothes, shoes, supplies and book bags are bought it is the trip up to school to see who the next teacher is that will be tortured by myself and my child.  I admit it, I am a hands-on kind of parent.  I am divorced and my ex-husband and I have shared parenting.  In a nutshell, that means whatever he gets, I get and whatever teachers hand out at school, our daughter gets two copies - one for mom, one for dad - does that sound complicated to you?  It doesn't to me!  However the last five years have been a series of ups and downs when it comes to getting the same information sent to both parents.

 

Well, yesterday was the day that teacher lists were posted...fortunately I was not the one that took my daughter to see the list - I pawned her off for the week on my friend who is the mother of my daughter's bff.  So, she took them to see who they have, and as soon as they got there I got a text that said "Just wait for the phone call from Sammie".  I laughed, that meant drama ahead!

 

I got the phone call - well, actually I missed the first one which was followed by a 7 minute voice mail - I actually listened to it twice and laughed so hard I cried.  I then called her back and had to hear it all again.  She got the teacher she wanted, and so did her bff, so they are in the same class, along with some other great kids, but there is that one child in their class that ALWAYS causes drama!!  It has caused drama in the past when the three girls were separated and when they are together - it is a no win situation.

 

6th grade for our school district is a big deal.  There are district wide dances every month, DARE Graduation, a dress-up dance, the last time she can attend BINGO and the Carnival, class parties, graduation to Middle School, Camp Y-Noah, memory books and so much more and all I want is for her to have the best year of elementary school ever and create all kinds of awesome memories. 

 

Funny thing, I am looking forward to PTA meetings, volunteering, baking and doing all kinds of fun and creative stuff with Sammie this year.

 

School starts on Monday, the 104 days of Summer vacation are over and soon my life will return to its' regularly scheduled programming....I can't wait to enjoy my cup of coffee with a book, I am way behind on my reading, and catching up on my summer scrapbooking, but that is a story for another day.

 

Joelyn Morgan

morgan.joelyn@gmail.com

http://joelynmorgan.blogspot.com

 

 

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