A Dad's Point of View: Being a Teenager Can Be Wonder-Full

It’s so easy to complain about our teens. I know I’m guilty of too often dishing out criticisms, admonishments, and lectures. I worry that my boys might be doing drugs, drinking, or some other peer-pressure stupidity.  But, they also deserve my support when they do well and my understanding when they slip up.


My 16-year-old, Will, recently bounded into my office, eager to talk.  Wisely, I pulled away from the hypnotic lure of my computer, and faced him squarely, ready for whatever followed.
Normally, when Will comes to talk to me, I am concerned that he either wants something or is going to confess something that I wish I didn’t have to hear.  This time, I listened.  And I listened and I listened.  I smiled, I nodded, I grunted.  But, mostly I listened.  He had made a remarkable discovery!  What was this remarkable revelation? “Life is complicated and full of wonder and amazing things. Where did life come from?  Why do we sleep?  How does our brain work?  Why are there different languages and how did they evolve?”  He literally rambled off these and other subjects, as if he’d just discovered the wheel!


Will didn’t want me to offer any feedback: he just wanted to share with me his marvelous realizations. I just sat there and patiently let him passionately express these extraordinary questions.  After maybe 15 minutes, he didn’t need me anymore and jumped up and left to call his girlfriend and share with her what he’d just voiced.

Later, as we were all getting ready for bed, he came into our bedroom, where my wife was lying down reading, and I had just come in to get ready for bed.  He leaped on our chaise lounge, fell off to the side, and scrambled up laughing at his clumsiness.  He then proclaimed, “I love this family,” and proceeded to elaborate for a couple more minutes.


My wife and I actually wondered if Will had taken some drugs, as he seemed so high.  But, he hadn’t, and was apparently just being a teenager--a teen enjoying the “wonder-full-ness” of life.

That is my point.  The older we get, the more we forget the wonder of youth, the wonder of being a teenager--discovering new worlds to explore and the new ideas that we feel are just ours. (Okay, let’s hear the Star Trek theme now).


Being a teenager means discovering the world.  I think adults too often squash that sense of wonder with the desire to have our kids conform. That was my discovery during the short 18 months that I home-schooled Will, since the lack of conforming public school curriculum and class management allowed Will to learn so much more than he otherwise would have under the structure of public school.  It’s why I believe home-schooling is really much better for some kids and, at the time, was the very best thing I could have done for Will.

The job of parents is to introduce our children to the world, to give them exposure to as much as we can, and to allow them to choose their paths.  I know that early in my parenting, I had my ideas of what I wanted for my sons that were based on my own particular interests and desires.  Fortunately, I got over that selfish instinct and ended up supporting my boys’ own interests and dreams. I know too many parents that are single-minded in pushing their kids in the directions these parents think is best while not taking into consideration their kids interests, skills, and desires.


This is dramatically evident in the sports arena, where kids are sometimes literally forced to participate in a sport in which they have no interest.  The reason is simply the parents’ ego and vicarious desire to live through their kids.  It is so wrong.  We also see this in the over-the-top push that parents often inflict on their kids to excel at school so that they can get into this or that college that the parents deem best for their child.

I wonder if it ever occurred to those parents that their son or daughter might actually be better off with a year off between high school and college? Or, maybe not even going to college! Not every kid should go to college. Couldn’t college wait a year or two while these high school grads explore life on their own? Maybe they can see a bit more of the world rather than just continue in what can be the cocoon of education and parental (financial) support?


I may have wanted my sons to be great skiers, or get into an Ivy League college, but now I want them to fulfill their own passions and find the same joy in what they do that I’ve been blessed to find in my writing and now, my radio show as well.  I urge you to do the same!




Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan. 




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Anthropology of the Due Date

Anthropology of the Due Date

So much mysticism and mythology surrounds the pregnancy due date.  Much of the mysticism is held by physicians who hold on to the old ways of  determining when a pregnant woman will deliver.  Believe me, most physicians would love a way to determine the due date so we could plan our lives around the deliveries of our patients, but the truth is only 1-2% of women will actually deliver on their due date.  So what determines a due date, and what is the difference between EDC (estimated date of confinement) and EDD (estimated date of delivery) and what the heck is Naegele’s Rule.  This post will help show the origins of the due date and how we are currently using a system that is about 250 years old.

Franz Karl Naegele (1778-1851) was the German obstetrician who initially came up with the rule to determine a woman’s due date based on her last menstrual period (LMP).  There are many ways to calculate Naegele’s Rule.  I use the system where you take the LMP, add 7 days, and subtract three months.  So if your LMP was April 1, 2009 then your due date would be January 8, 2010.  You can impress your friends at parties with this maneuver.  There are problems with Naegele’s Rule and many people have pointed out that this 250 year old method is no longer appropriate for our advanced age.  What are some of the potential errors with calculating the EDC in this method?

• It assumes that you are having a regular period and that you ovulate on day 14 of your cycle.  I am a gynecologist and there are many women out there that have irregular cycles that ovulate on day 20, 25, 12, 15….you get my point.  This obviously would add potential error to the EDC determination and could change things by days to weeks.
• There is another assumption that the routine pregnancy is 280 days long and that is based on our current calendar system.  The problem with this is that there are many months that contain 30 days or 31 days and what happens in a leap year, or if you are not pregnant over the shorter month of February.  The point is that there is a movement out there that is trying to say that the number should be 288 days and that we are inducing women that have premature babies.  A study done in 1990 stated that the proper method for determining a due date was to take the LMP, count back three months and add fifteen days for a primiparous (first pregnancy) woman or 10 days for a multiparous (subsequent births) woman.  This was published in the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology.
• There are many that argue this method of calculating the EDC is as archaic as the term EDC itself.  Lending to the agrarian societies from whence it came, the EDC literally came from the fact that a woman was confined to her bed for the last part of her pregnancy to prevent preterm labor.  While we still prescribe bedrest today as a possible therapy for preterm labor it does seem odd that the medical establishment uses terminology from the 1700’s.

The due date is as individual as the pregnant mother.  While the EDC is currently calculated by Naegele’s Rule this does seem a bit archaic and inefficient; especially if we are using this dating method to determine inductions and postdatism.  There have been other methods with increased accuracy but they require a woman to measure body temperatures and be move involved in her own self-care.  Many reading this article are very involved with birth and feel as though self-care is very important, but there are many women out there that simply choose not to be observant of their own cycle.  So, what do we “do” with the “due”.  Unfortunately, I think we will keep going with the current system and back it up with ultrasounds which are accurate within 5 days if done in the first trimester.

Approximately 3% of so-called term births (occuring after 37 weeks) are completed with fetal lung immaturity and this could be because the baby may have been between 35-37 weeks and not term.

Are we too involved in the birthing process?  Are there better ways to determine the pregnant due date or should we not worry wbout and just let man/woman  be born in his own time.  The latin word natura gives rise to the word natural and means “to be born”.  Maybe we should just leave well enough alone.




Shawn A. Tassone, M.D. author of “Hands Off My Belly! The Pregnant Woman’s Guide to Surviving Myths, Mothers, and Moods” – Mom’s Choice Gold Recipient and Arizona Book Publisher’s Glyph Award Winner.

http://www.handsoffmybellyguide.com
Hands Off My Belly! The Pregnant Woman’s Survival Guide to Myths, Mothers, and Moods is for sale on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and at most brick and mortar stores.



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Baby "Modelquins"

My children are beautiful-seriously. I know every mother thinks her baby is the future face of Gerber or the next Grand Prize Winner in Regis Philbin's search for the most beautiful baby in America, but let me assure you I am not just another prejudiced mother. All sarcasm and indulgence aside, my toddler boys, Camden and Cavan, are my pride and joy, but the truth is I can't pin my children down long enough to take a decent photo, and when they see the camera, they run screaming (the adorable shot below is and exception).

 

 

My family has been urging me for a while to get the boys involved in modeling, but we have yet to make it to the big time. Well family, you will be proud to know that just last week, the boys made their accidental modeling debut at the Old Navy store in Savannah, GA.

The last week of June and beginning of July, for all of you bargain hunters, is the perfect time to shop for summer clearance items and take advantage of Independence Day sales. Being the patriot that I am, I decided to take the boys on a little shopping field trip to the Oglethorpe Mall in Savannah, GA and load up on swim gear for our July 4th celebration at the beach. They are past the age where I can strap them into the double stroller without protest, but I thought that with a little pre-op planning and the promise of post-op rewards, that my little soldiers just might pull through for the greater good.

We spent the morning upsetting the studious customers at Barnes and Noble while I browsed in vain for a beach read (which I know I will never read), and after a chaotic attempt at "lunch" in the food court, I buckled the boys down, pushed them across enemy lines and right into the line of fire at the crowded Old Navy. I didn't have a quarter for the prize machine (located in the rear of the store), but I thought I had enough little cars and toys to keep them busy for 15 minutes or so. Clearly, I did not, or I my idea of 15 minutes in Old Navy might be a little distorted. Regardless, I knew I didn't have long before the boys went AWOL-and they did. I gave my boys some shoes to try on, and while they were strapped down and fumbling with the shoes, I circled a rack for just a minute. I could still see the stroller from around the circular rack, but I must have missed the moment when my boys slipped from the seat belts like slick escape artists. I turned back around and panicked when I saw them missing from the stroller. My panic turned to relief when I saw them sitting on top of the nearby display table sorting and swapping the $5 graphic t-shirts.  They were safe! They were looking pleased with themselves and so adorable- they could have been models!

The lesson has been learned on my part. Apparently, they are too smart for the stroller, and I can become a little distracted with a sale. I need to keep my activities toddler-friendly, and I'll hold out for a sitter the next time I want to bargain-hunt at the mall.

 

Michelle Jarrell

www.michellejarrell.blogspot.com

 

 

 

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A Dad's Point of View: She Makes More Money!

A recent Pew Research Center study called “Women, Men and the New Economics of Marriage (Jan. 19, 2010 by Richard Fry and D’Vera Cohn) revealed that women are making much more money, over the recent past, than at any other time in our history.  The study had the following opening: “The institution of marriage has undergone significant changes in recent decades as women have outpaced men in education and earnings growth.  These unequal gains have been accompanied by gender role reversals in both the spousal characteristics and the economic benefits of marriage.”
It makes total sense given the changing values and trends in our society and the increasing number of women attending college, now outnumbering men significantly.  But, the social impact of these changes might be troubling.  As part of the generation that is both responsible for and feeling these transformations the most, I have mixed feelings about this brave new world. 

Further conclusions from this report were that “A larger share of men in 2007, compared with their 1970 counterparts, are married to women whose education and income exceed their own…A larger share of women are married to men with less education and income.”  What does all this mean for our children who are growing up in this changing environment?  I’m not sure and I can only make some generalities from my own perspective.

First, I believe that gender roles are often getting mixed up.  When I grew up, boys were boys and girls were girls and we each knew what was expected of us, more or less.  As equality has sometimes become the mantra of our times, knowing our respective roles in work, home, and life in general is confusing to say the least.  Is this good?  I’m not sure.

The report goes on to say, “From an economic perspective, these trends have contributed to a gender role reversal in the gains from marriage.  In the past, when relatively few wives worked, marriage enhanced the economic status of women more than that of men. In recent decades, however, the economic gains associated with marriage have been greater for men than for women.”

Is this why we have so many single parent households (the majority being single moms, though I don’t have the statistics at hand to support this assertion)?  Is it because women don’t need men to support them or, for that matter, to even procreate anymore?  Again, I ask if is this good for men and women, for society as a whole, and most of all, for our children?
I know whenever I touch on gender-related issues I tend to be playing with fire, since I often make generalities in doing so.  Generalities are a fact of life.  But, they can and often get people upset when they know of exceptions to them. Of course, there will be exceptions to most generalities, but they’re “generalities” because they apply to the “general” majority.  It is a generality to say that most men are taller than most women.  Is that sexist, true, or just a generality?  You know the answer. 

Another fact reported in the Pew report, which is surprising on the surface but also makes total sense, relates to how these gender reversals have been impacted by our current economic malaise.  They declare that “it [the economic downturn] has hurt employment of men more than that of women.  Males accounted for about 75% of the 2008 decline in employment among prime-working-age individuals (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2009).  Women are moving toward a new milestone in which they constitute half of all the employed.  Women’s earning grew 44% from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men.”  They go on to state the fact that this “sharper growth has enabled women to narrow, but not close the earnings gap with men.”
Do you wonder how this has affected the institution of marriage? The report goes on to declare that these trends have affected the institution of marriage itself.  It says, “Americans are more likely than in the past to cohabit, divorce, marry late or not marry at all.  There has been a marked decline in the share of Americans who are currently married. Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year-olds, 60% were married in 2007, compared with 84% in 1970.”

Do you still think generalities are inappropriate to use?  And, what conclusions might we reach from these trends and gender role changes?  I will state that I think it has created a lot of confusion for boys and men while empowering too many women to make selfish choices that exclude men from their lives and/or the lives of the children that they may choose to have on their own.

Of course, I believe in equal pay for equal work.  Of course, I also believe that true sexual harassment is wrong.  And, of course, I believe that many of these gains in women’s rights and opportunities are for the best.  Yet, I also believe that we’re in the middle of suffering a downside to these apparent positive gains, which we won’t realize or recognize until several generations have passed.  Since we are in the epicenter of these societal changes, it is unlikely we can be objective enough to see exactly what good or bad we’ve wrought.  Time will tell.

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan. 


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I Rue The Day I Created The Television Challenge

I Rue The Day I Created The Television Challenge

But Who Doesn't Like A Good Rue?

This is the second post on my experience in the Hardcore Television Challenge.  The first week’s adventure can be found here.

I can’t tell you how many times I thought: This would be a GREAT time to watch television.
But Saturday morning my husband works. And my daughter decides that naptime would be a good time to SCREAM LIKE AN EXHAUSTED LUNATIC instead of sleep. My son wouldn’t come upstairs with me. And he couldn’t be trusted alone. He was into the GLUE. Then he spies his computer on top of the television cabinet. I WANT THAT. I hear it every five seconds. In between GLUE. And my daughter is now raging.

So I let him have it.

I set my alarm on my iPhone because I desperately want to lose track of time. But I have only twenty-five minutes of screen time left.

I rocked N down. I sigh. Then it dawns on me that I haven’t brushed my teeth, and my friend, C, would be at my house in thirty minutes. We’re good friend but not morning-breath good. (Although we are stay-in-my-pajamas-and-not-put-on-a-bra good.)

So I let E keep playing. And honestly? My phone alarm went off SO MUCH SOONER than it should’ve.

And now I'm on my own FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK.

By Wednesday afternoon, I felt like this:

Yes this photo is a reenactment. But if my children had been allowed to take pictures, this would've been on the roll. 

I don’t know if E is just tired from his morning camp, but I feel like I spend all day getting yelled at.

E: MAMA! GET ME THIS!
Me: E, how do we ask for a snack?
E: Mama? May I please have a snack?
Me: Yes, you may. What a nice way of asking.
E: MAMA! GET ME THE BALL!
Me: E, how do we ask for something?

And on and on and on and on. And every ten minutes during his "quiet time."

And N, while often smiley, is very, um, POINTY. THIS THIS THIS Actually UH UH UH. (It turns out uh-oh, mama, dada, dog, and cat don’t get you very far in this world.)

And I have to wake N up EVERY SINGLE MORNING to pick up E from camp. Do you know how it feels to wake up a sleeping child when you have SO MUCH TO DO AND NO TIME? THE SUCK.

And although these seem like normal everyday mama-hood experiences, I’m DROWNING.
I wonder if it’s having no OUT. No guarantee of peace. The television is a promise. E quiet and sitting still for an HOUR. Yes, he would still YELL out for a snack, but only once. And the threat of turning off the television is the GREATEST THREAT IN THE WORLD.

I'm tired of being present for my children. And that makes me want to cry. Because I don’t think that is about the television. I think that it’s about me. And how much easier it is to be me than to be Mama.

I’d rather fold into my world of writing and Twitter and phone calls and friends. Where there is less yelling and needing. More jokes. More pats on the back. More space.
My husband notices. And it is causing a rift. So in the midst of all this no TV vcrap, I offer to turn off my phone from 5:30-7:30 each night. Do you know how embarrassingly hard it was to even offer? And how much MORE difficult it is to keep?

Don’t worry. There is no iPhone challenge in the mix. But I am so unhappy that the television challenge has exposed me more than my children. They are fine. E hardly asks for television anymore. I'm the one ruing the day.

On a less rue-y note:

Thank to the The Mommies Network for supporting the Television Challenge!

And Corrina, who is also in the TV challenge, has kindly offered a fellow challenger a FREE BOOK OF HER CHOOSING from Barefoot Books!  I’ll choose the winner at random on the final Thursday (July 29th). I know some of you have been participating but are not bloggers. You can still win the book! Please include a comment on the final post so I have your name to add to the drawing.


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This challenge is brought to you by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married mom of two children with a BA in Political Philosophy and a Medical Degree, who currently stays at home with her children and writes.  She blogs at Late Enough, which is mostly about life, parenting, marriage, politics, culture, religion, and Alex's inability to wake up in the morning and not hate everyone.  Often zombies, fire, and rude Southern people make blog appearances, but she can pretty much guarantee that she'll still be in her pjs while fighting them off.  She also hangs out on Facebook and tweets @L8enough.




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What does it mean to be a Mom?

I have been a mom for almost two years now, a newbie. Many years I have watched and learned from those that I admire and those that I never want to be.



Some of the common traits that I have seen in inspirational moms -

1. Patient, calm, and never seem to be flustered.
2. Attentive and listen to their children. If the children are young and impetuous, I have noticed they calmly ask their children to wait their turn. Love it and hope I can do it!
3. Loyal to their families.
4. Playful. You see them smiling and enjoying spending time with their children.
5. Watchful, not smothering. I notice they set boundaries and let their children test them only to meet a consistent and firm response to remind them.
6. Supportive. Help and share in their children's dreams. They don't criticize, only show ways to reach their goals.
7. Eat dinner together. Share stories of the day.
8. Creative. Practice and invent crafts to do with their children. Perfection is left at the door, because everything created together is perfect.
9. Don't criticize. Life is hard enough, no need to bring up the shortcomings of their children. Teach them to use their strengths to investigate ways to handle difficulties.
10. Hold hands with their children.
11. Love on their children unconditionally. Demonstrate this love often and with abandon. Hugging, kissing, and saying "I love you!" often.
12. Their children are the light in their eyes! You are almost blinded by the light they emit when they talk about their children.
13. Proud. Proud to be their mother, proud of their child, and proud of their families.
14. Talk about their children often. They aren't as accessory or obligation, they are a gift to be appreciated always.
15. Problem solvers. There isn't one thing they won't do to help their children with anything. They will find the resources to help them with any struggles they may face.
16. Security. No matter what happens they are a secure place for their children to return.
17. Understanding. They realize that many factors affect their children's behaviors. They understand the source of the reactions. Handle the source and not the child.

I am not saying these mothers don't have bad days. We all have them. The sum of all the good days is greater than the few bad days. Your children will always remember the good times as long as the bad days are treated as fleeting. I want to be all this for my daughter and more.


By Shannon Henrici. I have started a new blog. I want to create a place for inspiration – finding
it, creating it, and sharing it. Check it out, please leave me some suggestions. I would love to
hear what you have to say. Inspirationintheoddplaces.wordpress.com


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A Dad's Point of View: Couples Need Couples

While on a recent vacation, my wife and I had a stimulating discussion with friends about friends.  We were enjoying a meal with two other couples and one of the men asked the question, “Have you found many couples that you are friends with and, if so, how have you met them?”
What followed was a spirited discussion about friends--same sex friends, friends as couples, and opposite sex friends, when you’re married (or monogamously involved).  The conclusion was that it is not simple.
As we were on a trip hosted by Dennis Prager (radio talk-show host, writer, and lecturer), I found myself immediately paraphrasing him because he’s often discussed this issue.  He said that for two couples to be friends, a number of relationships have to be in place.  Each man must like the other man; each woman must like the other woman, and the same for the opposite gender in each couple.  If any one of those relationships doesn’t work, the friendship of the two couples is in jeopardy.
We began despairing over the difficulties of finding good couple friends.  One of the couples that had been married for 47 years related that their friendships with other couples changed over time. When one of them didn’t truly like one of the other people in a couple, that friendship was ultimately doomed or, at best, marginalized.
Several of us were in second marriages, and we all had the same surprising experience of what happened to our friends from our first marriages.  Everyone at the table had suffered the same thing--that most of their friends vanished as a result of their divorces.  Only those same sex friends that existed prior to the marriages were likely to remain friends.  My wife and I had exactly this experience and over the years that we were single again, we each built up a new group of friends.
Now remarried, the challenge has become to integrate those friends into our new married life and we’ve found somewhat difficult. My wife’s friends were mostly single women without children while my friends were mostly men in marriages with children.

We’re again facing the struggle of finding and nurturing new relationships.  And, like most things in life, one gets what one put out. Since my wife and I have found ourselves increasingly busy, we’ve not put in much effort to nurture new friendships.  We’ve met each other’s friends and some have made their way into our lives, but many have not.  As Dennis says, he’s got to like the other husband, she’s got to like the other wife, and so on, meaning you have to have eight relationships to work for two couples to get along. Not that simple, is it -- think about it.
Also, as my wife didn’t have children before becoming a stepparent to my children, her friends more often than not also didn’t have children.  That is a defining difference with couples.  No, it’s not wise to only talk about your children, but it’s inevitable that you will, to some degree.

My best friend and his wife make their primary friendships with other parents when his three children were young.  For this friend and his wife, these friendships sprang from relationships developed at their synagogue and their children’s schools.  With my children now older, the connection to their schools is practically nil, and my wife and I don’t share the same faith so our religious affiliations are also different. Consequently, those avenues are not available to us.
Ironically, there is a couple that we’ve started to become friends with via the same sort of connection that my best friend had when his kids were younger.  My older son has a girlfriend and for “young love” it seems to be a very enduring and a good relationship.  Her parents live nearby; we both are concerned about issues that they may have (e.g. intimacy at this age) so we share similar interests plus, of course, we’re geographically compatible.  They are likely candidate to fulfill our couples’ friendship vacuum.
We also have the added hurdle of a second marriage and the previously mentioned loss of friends that occurred to both of us during our respective divorces.  Ironically, I began this column quoting a discussion that took place on a trip hosted by Dennis Prager.  The friends we made on that trip were perfect for us because we shared similar values and interests.  The frustration was that only one of those couples lives nearby.  The other two couples we befriended live out-of-state.
We finally got together with that one local couple after several failed attempts due to mutual scheduling conflicts.  I hope that friendship develops.  But, it’s very clear to me that developing new friends in our “middle aged” second marriage status is a challenge.  And, we also acknowledge that we haven’t put enough of an effort into it yet.  I’m counting on my wife to take care of this, and she’s counting on me.  Checkmate.

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan. 


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Super Sticky Glue

"What are you doing, Mommy?"

"I'm making a necklace."

"Can I make a necklace too?"

"Sure."  I handed Joseph cord and a couple beads.

"I want to use the glue!"

"You can't, baby.  It's super sticky glue," I replied as I pressed a bail onto a pebble.  "If you're not careful, you might glue your finger together and it would really hurt."  Content with my answer, Joseph wandered off to play with something far more interesting - his adventure kit.

Smiling fondly at my first born, I set the pendant I'd just created down on the counter.  Or, at least, that's what I tried to do.  Frowning at my hand, I realized that I'd glued the pendant to my fingers.  I little tug released the jewelry, but my thumb and forefinger were stuck together like the cast of Twilight.  Pulling harder just hurt.

"Geez," I muttered. "Chad!  Could you help me for a second?"

"What's wrong?"

"I glued my fingers together and need help opening the fingernail polish remover."  Chad and I convened in the bathroom where he offered friendly advice while I scrubbed at my fingers.

"Mommy!  Guess what?"

"Hold on a sec, baby.  Mommy's working on something."

"But look what I did!  I fixed my compass.  It broke and I fixed it all by myself."

I whipped my head around to where Joseph was proudly displaying a repaired compass, not a drop of glue or strip of tape in sight.  "What did you fix it with?"

"The super sticky glue."

"The super sticky glue?"

"On the counter."

"You climbed up to the counter, got the glue and fixed your compass?"

"Yes."  He looked at me solemnly.  "I was very careful.  You have to be careful or you could glue your fingers together."  He ran out of the bathroom to play in his bedroom.

"Not a word, Chad."



Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the Central Coast of California.  When her fingers are not glued together, she can be found blogging at http://inmandyland.blogspot.com.



If you want to be featured as a guest writer on the TMN blog, email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org today!

Homemade Ice Cream

I've always wanted to make homemade ice cream.  I had visions of sitting on the front porch as the kids played tag amongst the oak trees, fireflies punctuating the dusky evening sky with little dots of light.  I saw myself cranking the ice cream maker, a glass of lemonade by my side while Chad read Tennyson aloud to me, the sound of his voice rumbling, "Sunset and evening star, and one clear call for me!" mingling with the laughter of children and the breeze in the trees.

I envisioned calling for my children - all six of them - that the ice cream was ready.  They would line up, faces bright with smiles, as I dished luscious peach ice cream into their bowls.  Peaches from my own trees, just down the hill.  I can almost hear their choruses of "thank you, Mommy" and "you're the best mommy in the whole wide world."

Of course, that's when reality intrudes.  What child would ever say that without wanting something very, very badly.

My fantasy would be helped if we had a yard with oak trees, a porch and lived in a part of the country with fireflies.  I'm running ragged chasing two children.  Six would send me to a padded cell.  And the idea of Chad reading Tennyson to me is enough to make me laugh until I cry.  If I had changed my vision to him reading the latest baseball stats, well, then, I'd be closer to reality.

Still...the idea of homemade ice cream niggled in my brain until one day, a couple weeks ago, I made some using the sandwich bag method.  A bit frustrated with the amount of work, I borrowed my mother-in-law's ice cream maker and decided to make a go of it.

Of course, the ice cream maker hadn't been used in quite some time and I couldn't seem to get all the rust out of the can.  So off to the store where they were selling a little plastic number on clearance.  I got home, researched recipes and finally came up with banana ice cream.

I rounded up the ingredients: banana, vanilla, sugar, cream and salt.  Ice, of course, sat waiting in the sink.

I mixed everything together, layered my salt and ice and then...let electricity to it's magic.

A half hour later, we had smooth and creamy ice cream.  We pulled out the paddle and put the can in the freezer to "harden" it. 

It was well worth the wait.  While I'm not certain how cost-effective this process was, I have to say that it tasted better than store bought.

 

 

 

 

Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the California Central Coast.  While not experimenting with random kitchen appliances, she can be found blogging at http://inmandyland.blogspot.com

 

 

 

Do you want to contribute to the TMN blog as a guest writer? Please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org

5 new Communities!

The Mommies Network just launched FIVE new communities! If you live in these areas, or know moms in these areas, please pass the word along!

TampaMommies-- covering Hillsborough and part of Pasco Counties http://www.TampaMommies.com

UpstateSCMommies-- covering Greenville and Spartanburg Counties http://www.UpstateSCMommies.com

OceansideMommies-- covering the tri-city area of Oceanside, Carlsbad, and Vista and including Camp Pendleton http://www.OceansideMommies.com

BrunswickGAMommies-- covering Glynn, Wayne, and Brantley Counties http://www.BrunswickGAMommies.com

NWArkansasMommies-- covering Benton and Washington Counties http://www.NWArkansasMommies.com

A Dad's Point of View: Growing Up--Two Generations at a Time

Sometimes, life brings us a lot of lessons at once.  In my family, we’ve gotten our share of them recently and they’ve added dimension to our lives and allowed us to each grow in different ways, without necessarily providing a neat and regular narrative for my column.  That hasn’t stopped me yet and I think you’ll find they all coalesce into something meaningful.

Let’s begin with my older son growing as a rock ‘n’ roller, a talented drummer, guitarist, and vocalist.  His passion carried over to an extraordinary opportunity of a lifetime when he got to jam with his idol, Chris Cornell (Soundgarden and Audioslave) at The Roxy Theatre, on Sunset Blvd., in Hollywood.  The full story and video are here (http://brucesallan.com/index.php/other/203-my-sons-rock-n-roll-dream-came-true), but suffice it to say, I became a sort of “stage dad” along the way.
I was extremely proud of his growth though I wasn’t actually present when he took the initiative to reach out to Chris Cornell by calling out and asking to jam with him. Frankly, the tickets were too expensive for me. But, after the fact, I used my recently acquired social media skills and “relationships” (are they really my “friends?”) to help disseminate the story on various web-sites, my column outlets, distributing the YouTube video, and promoting this opportunity for him. 
Next came his first performance with a new band and I was right there, video camera in hand and a professional photographer friend along for additional photographic help.  Afterward, when I was alone with my son, I offered my “wisdom” about how he should proceed with his band.
Yes, you know where this is going.  But, how my son handled it is the amazing part, not the inevitability of what happened next.
In the car, after picking him up from school one day, Will said he needed to speak with me.  In the calmest, most assured manner, he nicely asked me to “butt out.”  Acknowledging all my support, financially and otherwise, he nonetheless had the courage to confront me on being just too darn interested and involved in “his business.”
Before he finished, I started to smile. He looked at me with a slight look of worry that he’d hurt my feelings.  I quickly told him that he was right, that I “owned” doing exactly what he accused me of and that I was proud of him.  What I was smiling about was his maturity, the class and manner in which he confronted me, and a little bit the embarrassment I felt the moment the words came out of his mouth.
We’ve all heard stories of parents on the sidelines at a soccer or little league game, yelling instructions to their kids and/or the coach.  I was rapidly turning into that obnoxious parent.  But, I raised a boy who knew he could stand up to his dad.  I was proud of him.
My other revelation was how much my own passion, in work, had been relegated to the background during the period when I was busily taking care of my aging parents and raising my younger boys, mostly alone. 
Just like Will, with his music, I was finding my passion and voice with my writing and, more recently, the added challenge of hosting my own radio show, “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” which debuted on KZSB AM1290, The Santa Barbara Newspress Radio Station on May 6, 2010.  For more info on my show, visit this link on my website: http://brucesallan.com/index.php/.  Your calls and e-mails are most welcome.

I sold the station on doing a demo, wrote a passionate pitch for the show, got them to agree, and then worked diligently in preparing to do the demo.  I did my homework, created a show, created interesting segments, secured guests and callers for the demo, and recorded it back in February.
Then, I waited.  And waited.  I’m not a patient guy.  The station manager, veteran radio exec Les Carroll, patiently told me to bide my time.  Finally, in late April “the powers that be” gave the “go” and the demo aired. My first “live” show followed, on May 13. 

My excitement and sense of fulfillment mirrored my son, Will, to a “tee.”  I was one middle-aged “dude” getting the kick of his life, taking on a challenge that he’d never imagined. At the same time, my 16-year-old was emerging as his own man, and taking the initiative to direct his life, from doing a Babe Ruth in declaring he would jam with his idol, Chris Cornell, to taking on his “old man” when it was necessary to set some boundaries. 

Will and I are of the same mind, and the same DNA, but we have different interests and different approaches to life’s challenges.  I’m proud of him and what’s he’s on his way to accomplishing. I’m also immodestly proud of my own risk-taking in trying something so completely new and, frankly, scary.  That is what makes life interesting and exciting--taking that leap, not sitting on the sidelines, and maybe, just maybe fulfilling dreams.

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan. 


Do you want to contribute to the TMN blog? Please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org today!

The Mommies Network - National Auction

http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/auction_2010.shtml

According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, domestic violence and sexual assault are pervasive and life-threatening crimes affecting millions of individuals across our nation regardless of age, economic status, race, religion or education. Domestic violence and sexual assault not only severely impact victims but our entire communities and are linked to many other social ills. That’s why The Mommies Network (TMN) will be donating 25 percent of the funds raised from our first Annual National Auction to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV).

To make this auction a success and bring the greatest benefit to the many women reached by both the NNEDV and TMN we need your support. We are currently seeking donations for our auction which will take place September 5, 2010 – 11, 2010. This online auction will be hosted by MissionFish (a division of eBay) and will be viewable to all 30,000+ of our members as well as the general public. Additionally, a listing of donations will be posted on all of our online sites to encourage our members to participate in the auction and to show our sponsors their appreciation by shopping with their businesses.

Your donation to The Mommies Network National Auction will:
• Benefit the great work of the National Network to End Domestic Violence
• Benefit The Mommies Network and help us to continue to bring encouragement, support, and volunteer opportunities to moms across America
• Benefit your business by putting your product in front of 30,000+ buyers in your target market in addition to countless others who view your auction listing

All auction listings will display a picture of the item being donated along with the logo of the donating business and the business’ website. The auction will be promoted on all of The Mommies Network’s sites, through our blog, and on Facebook, meaning that your donation will guarantee your business outstanding visibility, letting potential customers know that you care about women and mothers everywhere, helping to create loyalty among future customers.

Thank you for your time. If you have any questions, please e-mail Christine Byrd at christine.byrd@themommiesnetwork.org. Should you choose to donate, please send your donation no later than August 15th to The Mommies Network/ Attn: Christine Byrd/ 2904 Northampton Drive/ Greensboro, NC 27408. Thank you for your support.

http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/auction_2010.shtml

Hardcore Television Challenge

Hardcore Television Challenge
Our household has done only thirty minutes of television. PER WEEK!
I’m VERY proud. And extraordinarily exhausted. Oh and my friends think that I’ve died. They sent flowers. Which was nice but weird.
Other ways my life has changed:

• E comes with me to read with N for her naps which sweet and helpful. Except when he won’t come. And instead puts lipstick on.
• I am not on the computer as much and cannot answer the phone easily. But I just think of SAHM-ing as a job now and most people can’t just chat anytime at their jobs. Or maybe they can. When I talk on the phone, the other ends hears a consistent AHHHHHHHHH in the background until I finally give up.
• E is doing nearly an hour of quiet time during N’s afternoon nap. Learning to amuse himself is such a GOOD thing. I can’t wait for him to teach me.
• I’m totally exhausted at the end of the day. But I also feel good with all the cute art projects to show for my hard work. Until E decides to remove every paper glued down and N eats them.
• We have play dough EVERYWHERE. But it hides the food on the floor.
• I cook during the quiet time so we eat a lot of room temperature meals.

I got so many great suggestions on I Ask that I couldn’t include them in this blog post. Or it would go on for two days and you would never realize what I have in store for you!
Do you want to join me on the Late Enough Hardcore Television Challenge? I have two buttons for two separate challenges. The SERIOUSLY DUDE 30 Minutes Of Television A Day or the SERIOUSLY HARDCORE 30 Minutes Of Television A Week.
We’ll do it for the month of July. With weekly updates (support, hugs, maybe candy). I plan to post my update every Thursday. So come by to link up Wednesday night/Thursday morning.
Comment here or email me if you’re interested. I’ll email you the badges or you can grab them below. (Just grab the html code. If you need help with using them let me know.)
And I’m thinking #tvchallenge as the Twitter hashtag. Or maybe #icantanswerthephonebecauseiamplayinggofishforthethreehundredthtime. Oh wait that’s already 140 characters of DESPAIR.
If you don’t have a blog, you can write out your experience on your Facebook notes and we can link it into the Late Enough Facebook page. Here are the Facebook note: Television Challenge Info For Non-Bloggers.
And if you don’t have Facebook or Twitter or a blog? How the heck did you even FIND me? No, seriously, just email me your experience at alex@lateenough.com and I’ll get it up on the site.
If we get enough people, I’ll look into sponsors. Maybe we can get some help with amusing our children. Or even start a revolution. Watch out Panasonic and Sony. (But don’t go too far you big hunks of electronic. I may want to watch a movie when the kids go to bed.)
Meanwhile you can peruse the comments section of my original post on giving up television to get ideas. I also found this site which has about ninety-eight ideas that fit into the challenge.
UPDATE: You can take the challenge yourself. I’ll make you a button because I love you. Email me and let me know.

<a href="http://www.lateenough.com/2010/07/hardcore-television-challenge"><img src="http://www.lateenough.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Television-Challenge-Button.jpg" alt="" title="Television Challenge Button" width="196" height="150" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-743" /></a>

<a href="http://www.lateenough.com/2010/07/hardcore-television-challenge"><img src="http://www.lateenough.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Television-Challenge-Button-2.jpg" alt="" title="Television Challenge Button 2" width="195" height="150" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-741" /></a>


___
This challenge is brought to you by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married mom of two children with a BA in Political Philosophy and a Medical Degree, who currently stays at home with her children and writes.  She blogs at Late Enough, which is mostly about life, parenting, marriage, politics, culture, religion, and Alex's inability to wake up in the morning and not hate everyone.  Often zombies, fire, and rude Southern people make blog appearances, but she can pretty much guarantee that she'll still be in her pjs while fighting them off.  She also hangs out on Facebook and tweets @L8enough.



If you would like to submit a guest blog to The Mommies Network, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org

Jamberry

Jamberry

"Raspberry, Jazzberry, Razzmatazzberry, Berryband, Merryband, Jamming in Berryland."  - Bruce Degen, Jamberry

After my initial foray into jamming season, I couldn't keep my berries out of the pot.  They just jumped in.

Last weekend was one of those quiet, slow weekends.  No place to go.  Nothing on the calendar.  It was the perfect weekend to fill my water bath with boiling water and dig out last year's frozen berries.

Because Chad told me that he was putting the kibosh on future fruit forays until I finished off what was in the freezer.

Spoil sport.

Out came blackberries and raspberries.  Out came grape juice.  Remember the grape juice?  Picked from a wandering vine and steamed to juice on a hot summer day?  When Elizabeth was a tiny baby who slept more than she was awake?   Out came that juice.  A glass for me, a glass for Elizabeth, a glass for Joseph and still enough for the pot.

I boiled and bubbled and poured and bathed.  I filled jar after jar with sweetness.  Sparkling on the counter, they called for me to bake some bread, to get a spoon, to enjoy every smooth and luscious bite.

Then I looked in my fridge.  Taking up more room than it should was a fat watermelon.  Green and roly, it looked at me.  I looked at it.  I put my finger to my lip and said, "Wouldn't you look fabulous as a jelly?"

I pulled out my handy dandy recipe book and made zesty watermelon jelly.  It tasted...not good.  It tasted of vinegar and lemon, not the sweetness I was craving.

So I googled a recipe and came up with sweet watermelon jelly.  So smooth and delicate.  Then, standing there, a witness to the massacre of a watermelon, I had another thought...can't you pickle watermelon rinds?

Back to my book and a recipe for cinnamon pickled watermelon rinds that turned what would normally have gone into my compost into soft, tangy-sweet pieces of deliciousness. 

And now, sitting on my counter is row after row of jam and rind.  Each one waiting to be put in a cupboard and pulled out this winter when I need a taste of summer.

"Under the bridge
And over the dam
Looking for berries
Berries for jam."
Jamberry


Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the Central Coast of California.  While not daring berries and fruit to jump in her canning pot, can be found blogging about life, children, gardening and other assorted topics at http://inmandyland.blogspot.


Do you want to be a guest writer featured on the TMN blog? Please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org today!

Help Wanted! Director of Promotions & Director of Charitable Initiatives

Help Wanted - Director of Promotions

The Mommies Network is seeking a highly motivated individual to serve as Director of Promotions. The Director of Promotions will be responsible for developing a national-level promotions program for The Mommies Network while utilizing a staff of committee members to execute the program. The Director of Promotions will work to establish contacts to further promotion goals of The Mommies Network and maintaining contacts throughout the non-profit community. The Director of Promotions will oversee the Promotions Committee, the National Newsletter Editor and the Community Promotions Manager.

Candidates must commit to participating on TMN forum daily, must be organized, helpful, and be able to maintain confidentiality. If hired, candidates must be willing to step down from any leadership position they hold on their local site within 6 months of beginning this position.

If you are interested in this or any other TMN position, please email hr@themommiesnetwork.org

Help Wanted - Director of Charitable Initiatives

The Mommies Network is seeking a highly motivated, philanthropic person to serve as Director of Charitable Initiatives. The Director of Charitable Initiatives will be responsible for developing a national-level charitable events strategy for The Mommies Network while establishing and maintaining contacts throughout the non-profit community.

Candidates must commit to participating on TMN forum daily and managing the National Charitable Events Manager, National Community Outreach Manager and the Community Charitable Events Manager. Must be organized, helpful, and be able to maintain confidentiality. If hired, candidates must be willing to step down from any leadership position they hold on their local site within 6 months of beginning this position.

If you are interested in this or any other TMN position, please email hr@themommiesnetwork.org

Sorens Birthday Present

When our first son had his first birthday I remember going all out on presents. When my second boy turned 1, we did a lot less for him, as he had his brothers toys to play with, but still we got him some cool expensive stuff to call his own.

When Soren turned 1, I did something totally different. 

One thing I have learned after having three kids is that no matter how many cool toys you buy them, what they really want is your stuff. Specifically:

• Your wallet
• your cell phone
• your car keys

I have battled with every child to retain my stuff as my own and not their chew toy. I have tried buying each child their own toy keys, their own toy phone. And while the interest is there initially, their excitement wanes fast. And they go back to attempt to steal my stuff.

Over the past few months both J and I have waged war on Soren as he tries to take our wallets and hide our credit cards. I keep mine in my purse high up, but anytime I pull out my wallet at a store the battle begins as he tries valiantly to swipe my wallet. I'm sure it's quite the amusing scene to the cashier and people waiting, as he and I lock hands over my wallet and play tug-a-war.

My keys are another topic. Once in awhile I will hand them over to keep him quiet when we're out. And he chews on the lock pad. I have been waiting for the day when his slobber short circuits my lock and I cant get into my van. 

And my cell phone. I recently got a Droid and I'm sorry but I will fight to the death before I let him have it. However he's sneaky. I'll be sitting on the floor catching up on email when he comes in from behind, trying to snatch it out of my hands.

So instead of buying him a toy, seeing as we have enough toys for 30 kids already and he loves his older brothers toys more than his own, J and I made him a set of "real" things he adores.

J found him a mini bag, the same color and fabric as my purse/bag (olive green so it's not feminine). And J found him a real wallet. I filled the wallet with plastic cards and expired passes to the zoo and museums.

I found a bunch of keys to nowhere and a lock pad keychain to a car we no longer own. I found a couple more cool keychains and strung them together.

And then I dug up my old cell phone.

His birthday present cost a total of $15. But his happiness since he realized what was in it, and the fact we werent upset with him tossing plastic cards around or chewing on a real cell phone has been priceless.

I wish I thought of this earlier.

Brittany (Rhaven) is a member of trianglemommies.com. If you liked this blog please visit her personal blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/

My life as a Full-Time Work Ouside the Home Mom: A retrospective

Life as I know it has evolved. There aren't many more 180 degree turns you can make in life like the one I just chose. Full-time, outside of the home, kids in daycare, 9-5 Monday to Friday working mom to 24-7, car-pool driving, playdate attending, mini-van sporting Stay-at-home mom.

There are so many misconceptions and generalizations about both of these roles, and now that I have experienced them both, I have never been more secure in my choices. I am right where I need to be right now and (all things considered) I am pretty happy.

Giving it all up has really made me take a long hard look at what kind of mother, wife, employee, friend, and woman I had been. It is reassuring actually, looking back.

Often, as a full-time working mom, you are find yourself questioning if you are doing a good job.

"Am I a good mom?"
"Am I a good employee?"
"Am I sacrificing too much?"
"Am I not sacrificing enough?"

I often found myself wondering what it would be like if you weren't working.

"Would things be easier?"
"Would my kids be happier?"
"Would I be happier?"

And now I can say:

"I know for sure."

I have seen both sides of the coin and I don't need to wonder. I was a GREAT mom. My kids were happy and well-adjusted. They had a great life with people who loved them, they had balance, routine and support. They thrived.

I was a GOOD employee. Maybe not great, but I did a damn good job. My boss was happy, my co-workers were (at least mostly) happy, my work got done and I supported my family.

Win-win.

Was I always happy? No. Did I sometimes question what I was doing it for? Sure. But that was mostly my insecurity talking.

If I knew then what I know now (like the tears and leg-clinging when I dropped off my 2 year old wouldn't scar her for life, or that the numerous sick days you accumulate with a germ-attracting toddler would not affect your work productively that much) maybe my happiness wouldn't have been a problem either.

So, how am I adjusting to my new found role of Stay-at-home-mom?

All things considered, great really. I am getting to do things I haven't been able to do before, like taking my kids to the local storytime at the library, spending all day in my pajamas, surprising daddy with a picnic lunch, or playing dress-up for hours on end. My weekends are no longer jammed full of family time on top of errands and chores. The pace of life has definitely slowed down. And that is okay with me.

Do I miss my life as a working mom? Sure. There are parts that I definitely miss. But am I unhappy as a Stay-at-home mom? No. Am I happier? Not really. It is different not necessarily better or worse.

But now that I have stepped away from it I realize that when and/or if I return to being a working mom, I can give myself a break. I am a good mom no matter what career path I choose. And this just happens to be the right path for me right now. I would let go of the guilt and ignore other people's judgment (both real and self-perceived.)

It is easy to condemn working moms for 'choosing their career at the expense of their family', when in fact they can have both without losing out on much of anything. It really is true that you can give 100% to both. It is possible.

And it is easy to dismiss stay-at-home moms as taking the 'easy way out' when in reality they are far from spending their days lounging around. Being at home all day can be isolating and lonely. Being with your kids 24-7 can be a draining experience that nobody should readily dismiss as having time 'to yourself.' Nothing is much further from the truth. Those kind of assumptions are a disservice to the profession of motherhood.

It is ironic that as mothers some of our toughest critics are often other mothers and even ourselves. Some of the nastiest, most judgmental comments I have heard about the choices I have made have come from my fellow mothers. (Frequently from those who have chosen one path and have never veered from it.) It is hard to not take those sentiments to heart, when in reality they are untrue and usually born from their own insecurity and self-doubt. I now believe it is easy to lose perspective when you haven't seen the other side.

So I will defend every mother's right to choose which path is right for her family. Working or staying at home. As long as you are making the choice out of love for your family, it will be the right one. Neither choice is wrong or right.

I should know, I've made both.




LabMom is a member of one of TheMommiesNetwork sites. She blogs about work-life balance (and a variety of other things) at TheToughestJobYoullEverLove.blogspot.com