A Dad's Point of View: Turbulence Ahead--Raising Teens Is No Picnic

My wife dragged me to her church for an all-day seminar called “Turbulence Ahead--Parenting Teens Through the Bumpy Years.”  I went along, in support of her and in support of her recent “turbulence” with our oldest son, who is 16½ and a handful.  But, my initial reaction was that this was a long time to spend on a subject that I know pretty well.

At the seminar, it was quickly evident that my knowledge on the subject could certainly use a refresher, if not a full-on course.  Within minutes, I grabbed the pen that we were given and I began taking notes.  I ran out of space and in no time, I filled up the supplied notes sections of the program brochure.


The seminar was led and created by Mark Gregston, who is the host of “Parenting Today’s Teens,” a daily and weekend radio program heard nationally. He is the founder of Heartlight, a residential counseling center for adolescents in crisis and the author of several books.  His credentials could fill this column, plus he’s an engaging speaker with a good sense of humor and self-deprecation vs. arrogance that some so-called experts display.  As I see myself as a “layman expert,” I was appreciative of this approach and found the seminar enlightening. 

At first, I just jotted down some of his powerful and smart quotations such as:
“The investment you make in your kids today pays off with your grand-children tomorrow.”

“The AMA has increased the age of adolescence (from 19) to 23.”
“Our response to situations changes with our understanding of them (re: teens)”
“I think God may have once said: it was so much easier when there were just three billion down there.”

And, one of my favorites which is totally in keeping with one of my own favorite columns, “Best Friend or Best Parent” (http://bit.ly/bestparent) was:
“They (teens) don’t need a peer-ant; they need a parent.”

After the seminar, I went up to Mark and asked permission to do a column inspired by the day’s learning.  He graciously said, “Yes” with no conditions. I’ve subsequently gotten his blessing. 

This was one of those situations where my wife and I were either constantly jabbing each other with one of those “SEE” jabs or giving each other glaring looks that said, “That’s you!” I had the great opportunity, inadvertently set up by Mark, to make a funny comment about my wife’s Canadian citizenship to which she whacked me on the head with the brochure, to the delight and laughter of everyone.

But, this was not a light event.  The subjects and the stakes are real and difficult.  It will be impossible to detail all that we learned, but I will attempt to sum up the salient points that get parents off-track with raising their teens, in spite of our best intentions. Below are some of the suggestions imparted to us (my comments are in the parentheses):

• We get sidetracked by things that are unimportant (example - worrying too much about the music our kids listen to, which Mark feels is totally unimportant and makes no difference in the long run).
• Our goal as parents is not to control our teens but to give them control (what a great notion and how valuable it would be if we gave them control vs. coddled and spoiled them!).
• When our teens mess up, we tend to approach it in a very negative manner when, instead, it should be of the “I’m here to help” vein wherein we might have a chance to be heard by them.
• Conflict is a precursor to change (this was one in which I got whacked by my wife but his point is true. We often don’t want to confront our teens; we just hope the problem is really no big deal or will just go away. That’s wrong!).
• Understand that your (parents) best thinking has got you in the situation you find yourself in (so he was suggesting we have to radically alter our thinking and behavior if we want substantive change with our teens).
• Be intentional about your parenting: give them control of their lives, require responsibility from them, establish rules and consequences, and convey a message that you owe them nothing but want to give them everything.
• Give them a message of hope: “There is nothing you can do to make me love you more; there is nothing you can do to make me love you less” (I might quibble with this one since I do think that there are some things that could affect a parent’s love).

As you can see from the above, and as I emphasize, these bullet points are just the tip of the iceberg of the wisdom shared by Mark Gregston.  If you’re struggling with your teens, consider utilizing some of his many resources.  No, Mark hasn’t paid me nor am I looking for a job with him. In fact, his only income comes just from his residential program for troubled adolescents.  All of his other efforts are donated, from his writings and seminars to his radio show.  He’s in it for the good he’s doing. And, I did secure his permission to write this column and his approval of it. You can find Mark and his various resources with any Google search, but start here: www.parentingtodaysteens.org.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

A letter to my Mom:

I have been reflecting on what motherhood means.  It isn’t something I really gave much thought before I had my daughter. I never had to worry about you abandoning me, wondering where my meals were, not worrying about whether you would show up to pick me up from school, or even not being there when I called.  Instead of realizing what you did and what sacrifices you made, I took it for granted and almost expected it.  Not everyone is cut out to be a mom, but you were.  It is, by far, one the hardest jobs you will ever do.   The ease and grace in which you fulfilled your job, made it almost seem effortless to us as children.  Now being a mom myself, I can appreciate how much work and sacrifices it truly takes.  Everyone has a choice on what kind of mom they want to be, I want to be the kind of mom you were to us.  You have been my shoulder to cry on, my therapist, my friend, my boundary setter, my teacher and most of all my MOM!

You always wanted the best for me, so you made sure I was able to try many different things.  Soccer, T-ball, Dance, Piano, and so on, you were there to cheer me on.  Sleeping in the car or running errands while I was in my lessons, just to make sure I had the time I needed.  Never a complaint, just a bag of M&M’s and some fast food were all you needed. THANK YOU!!

Whenever life was tough, you were always there to listen.  You always tried to offer advice to my unwilling ears.  You would spend time reading about issues, in order to help come up with alternatives and solutions.  All those articles you cut out of magazines, self help books you would read, and time analyzing our problems, showed me you cared.  I can always remember you saying that you hated to see me hurt and wanted to protect me.  (I will never admit this again, but I read and used those articles.)  THANK YOU!

The stories you shared about when you were young, demonstrated the necessary skills I need to be successful in life.  Your strength and drive helped you change your situation, and you handed it down to me.  You were a role model, teaching me to not give up and taking charge of my own destiny.  Your career as a teacher taught me so many things, that you probably didn’t realize.  I have always been proud to tell people, my mom is a teacher.  The dedication to your job was an example in the value of hard work and having pride in your job.  I am sure that you could have done so many other jobs, but you chose to do what you loved.  You were a great teacher and it shows in us.  Neither one of your children are substance abusers, physically abused or abusive.  We all finished our college education, have loving families, have wonderful children, and do whatever it takes for our families.  Some lessons you taught me knowingly and others through example.  THANK YOU!

One of your most thankless jobs, was preparing meals for the family.  I never appreciated the value of sitting down to a lovingly prepared meal.  At mealtime, when all of us sat around the table and talked, are some of my precious memories.  I can’t say that I ever thanked you for those meals.  To this day, when I sit down to one of your meals, I get a warm feeling of love.  THANK YOU!

Providing healthy choices, was important to you. Growing up, I hated it.  No Cocoa Puffs, Potato Chips, Ding Dongs, or even Kool Aid. Now, I am benefiting from having learned to eat healthy from the start.  Vegetables are a staple in my kitchen, can’t say I was thankful when they were on the family table.  You introduced me to so many great foods, most kids wouldn’t even touch – Asparagus, Brussel Sprouts, Artichokes, and even Fried Okra.  Your family’s health was very important and I have learned from your example.  THANK YOU!


No matter what was going on in your life, I always knew I could talk to you.  No matter how tired you were at the end of the day, you always made time to talk to me about my day. (Even in the bathroom.)  You would listen patiently and ask questions to show your interest in me.  I still love the times we are able to sit down and share. Knowing you were there, helped me to handle many difficulties in life.  Providing advice and playing the devil’s advocate were your ways of showing love, by not letting us go blindly into anything.  Many of those HELFPUL comments, used to drive me crazy.  I now understand and appreciate the value in these words, “this to shall pass.”  Or “that which doesn’t kill us, will make us stronger,” and one of my all time favorites, “it is character building.”  THANK YOU!

You have always been there to protect me.  I always knew that if someone ever threatened me, you would do whatever it took to protect me.  This trust in a mother is hard won and truly special.  Unfortunately, it is never appreciated when you are young.  All the times you used to say, “Call me if you are going to be late.”  The constant grilling about my plans, and always knowing you were there waiting for me when I got home, were secretly appreciated.  Having someone who cares where you are, what you are doing, and waits for you to come home is undervalued until you live alone.  Especially those times when I didn’t want to hear it, but you tried to help me see relationships that were damaging to me.  You gave me the respect for myself, which enables me to make the right choices. THANK YOU! 

Conversations about my daughter, where we either share in her latest accomplishment, laugh at her latest antics, or vent about her latest temper tantrum, are precious to me.  Some days being a mom is very difficult and I can now understand what you went through. Giving me a safe place to vent is a gift.  Being able to hear the excitement and pride, when you talk about your granddaughter is something I cherish.  I feel that she is my gift to you, for raising me.  THANK YOU!!!!

You have taught me the enjoyment of the simple things – knitting, reading a good book, staying in your pajamas all day, etc.   The time you let me spend learning to do crafts with the “Craft Lady”, were amazing. Those times I spent at the craft store have enabled me to stay in touch with my creativity.  THANK YOU!

Another lesson, importance of time spent with family.  You were always there snow skiing, bike riding, hiking etc – even if you didn’t enjoy it.  The bravery and courage you showed us by trying and joining in, set the example.  You sacrificed for us, so that we could all be together.  I knew the fear you had, but you managed to face the fear and do it anyway.  THANK YOU!!!!

Shopping, shopping, shopping……. Finding the best deals and the best places to shop is a must for every mother to teach their daughter.  I also recognize all the sacrifices you made in order for me to have cute clothes.  Money was tight, but you always bought what we needed at the sacrifice of your wants.  I never went without, and I had some cute outfits to boot.  My amazing white prom dress that was way beyond our budget, but you wanted me to have it.  That prom was a dream come true and you helped me get it.  The time we spend together shopping are some of my favorites too.  The way you think about your granddaughter and what she needs is like a window into your heart.  I can see the love you have for us during these times.  THANK YOU!


Your love always shines when you plan special occasions.  Seeing how important it is to you that everyone has a good time, is admirable.  The time together during these occasions, has become more of a focus for me with my family.  THANK YOU!

I am very lucky to have been raised by such a role model.  Your love, compassion, undying love and devotion to your family, are what I want to show to my family.
You have always been appreciated and loved, even when I didn’t show it. 
I saw this poem on the net and knew I had to send it to you…….

Everything Mom

How did you find the energy, Mom
To do all the things you did,
To be teacher, nurse and counselor
To me, when I was a kid.

How did you do it all, Mom,
Be a chauffeur, cook and friend,
Yet find time to be a playmate,
I just can’t comprehend.

I see now it was love, Mom
That made you come whenever I'd call,
Your inexhaustible love, Mom
And I thank you for it all.
 

I love you!  Thank you for being my “Everything” Mom!

By Shannon Henrici – a writer for an online baby clothes boutique.  As a mom, I buy “My Baby” clothes from My Baby Clothes Boutique.  They have the best selection of baby headbands, baby hats, and so much more.

The Go Green Clean Up Act for Kids (and some parents too!)

Do you remember the Clean Up Song that your child’s favorite purple dinosaur, Barney, would sing and teach kids?  It went like this: “Clean up clean up, everybody everywhere, clean up clean up, everybody do your share.”  A generation of kids and more learned this song.  So what happened when they left their playrooms and went out into the real world? 
OMG, have you seen the theater after a movie?  There are popcorn containers, drink cups, food and food cartons strewn all over the seats and floor. There is gum stuck to the back of chairs, and the floors feel so sticky, it’s as if someone poured a vat of maple syrup on them.  It’s not just theaters; take a look at sport stadiums after a game, the grounds after an outdoor concert or parade, or worse yet… a public bathroom. 
Now ask your kids to imagine if they were the person who had to clean this up.  Oh, I can hear it now:   YUK!  EWWW!  GROSS!  I’m not doing thaaaat!  Then ask them “but if you were the one who had to clean it up, what would want everyone else to do?”  Yup… they would want every single person who attended the event to clean up after themselves.  Hmmm…. This must sound familiar to a lot of moms out there and ooohhhh wouldn’t it be great if our kids picked up after themselves at home?
This easy exercise can help kids in many ways.  First, they’re exposed to the concept of empathy by putting themselves in someone else’s shoes.  After imagining that they are the person cleaning up (and they don’t really want to be), they might just have more empathy for the person who does have this job.  Second, it is a reminder about having good manners and social skills by throwing away our own trash.  Third it is part of being a constituent of the “going green” movement.  If each one of us does our part, our environment will be a cleaner, more pleasurable, more inviting place. Win, win, win! 
So, next time you see a big, mucky mess, point it out to your kids and teach them how powerful they are by taking responsibility for, at the very least, their own actions.  It is one small step in empowering kids to shoulder personal responsibility and do the right thing! 
If you can think or more “wins” for kids and the community alike, please leave them in our comments section!  We love to hear from our readers!
 

Keyuri Joshi RN, MSN, is a Certified Parenting and Emotional Intelligence Coach.  A "personal trainer" for parents, Keyuri assists moms or dads to achieve any goals they desire.  She also teaches parents to build emotional and social intelligence skills in children. These are research proven "must have" skills which schools do not teach.  Keyuri offers all parents a complimentary consultation and can be reached through her website, www.ontheballparent.com

The Mommies Network CAR MAGNETS!

Do you want your very own The Mommies Network car magnet? Join in the "flipping" fun, show your support of TMN and help spread the word about our great organization at the same time!

Magnets are $7.00 each; price includes shipping. Each magnet is approximately 5.75 inches in diameter.

Click here to purchase now! Please allow 2-3 weeks for shipping.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=8KATPFDKZXJY4

 

My Wine Glass

As I sit here typing this, I am sipping wine from a sippy cup. A good vintage, red merlot, fine and robust with a smooth flavor. In a blue sippy cup, with a built in straw. I'm torn between shame and amusement, both equal in validity, neither feeling stronger than the other. All I can think, as I sit here and slurp up my vintage wine, welcoming the weekend, that this is indeed, a true sign of being a Mom.

It's not that I don't have clean wine glasses. In order to keep my family from eating in a communal style I must do at least 2 loads of dishes a day. My wine glasses are clean, and stored above the stove where they have their home. So I cant blame lack of glasswear.

J just saw me, sitting in the living room, desperately trying to finish the book I've been working on, and with it being the weekend, treated me to a glass of red to celebrate the fact the children were put in bed and the weekend was upon us. In a sippy cup. Because of our white carpets. And I have the reputation of spilling my drinks quite often, drunk OR sober.

After giggling over his unspoken comment by his choice in cups, I enjoyed my wine for the first time with a straw. I finished my book and sippy wine in hand, headed downstairs to my desktop, where I now sit. Gaming with J and some friends, who are also celebrating the return of the weekend with drinks down the hatch, I realized my glass was empty. Instead of getting a regular wine glass, I refilled my sippy cup. No reason to dirty another glass. But still, I sit here, gaming, blogging, and drinking, with the glow of my screen illuminating my blue sippy cup and I have to smile. Drinking wine from a sippy cup fits me. It seems a good symbolism for life. To love and enjoy the quality core of what is important: family, love, etc.. things that matter... but wrapped in humor, silliness, laughter. Giggles.

I think this may become some sort of tradition for me. Just don't tell the kids I borrowed their cups.

Brittany (Rhaven) is a member of trianglemommies.com and is the mom to 3 rambunctious boys. I fyou like this story, please visit her personal blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/

A Dad's Point of View: A Rock ‘N’ Roll Dream Come True

On May 3, 2010, my son's dreams came true! He went to see his idol Chris Cornell at a benefit acoustic concert at The Roxy, on Sunset Blvd, in Hollywood, California. With his girlfriend Logan, they pushed their way to the front of the crowd. Cornell was playing acoustic guitar with only a cello as back up.

At a pause between songs, Arnie shouts out, "Hey, Chris, I have a question for you" and gets his attention, to which Chris asks, "Yes, what is it?" Arnie then shouts, "It's been my lifelong dream to jam on one song with you." Cornell says, "Well, what do you play and do you have a song in mind?" Arnie replies, "I've been playing guitar for 6 years and I want to play “Fell On Black Days," at which point the crowd is shouting to Chris, "Let him, let him!" 
Chris smiles, laughs, and says, "Why not? You could probably do it just as good as me." Arnie starts toward the stage, but Chris says, "Wait until we get to the song." Arnie is convinced it's not going to happen. When it came time for Arnie's song, however, Cornell did ask Arnie to come on stage. By now, the crowd is getting into it and Logan is screaming her head off and trying to take pictures. 

Arnie climbs on stage and Chris introduces him and then gives him his own acoustic guitar. He asks his roadie for an electric guitar. Arnie sits down, waits for Cornell to begin, and follows perfectly along with him. The crowd even thinks, as Logan related afterward, that this was all planned, as Arnie and Cornell played perfectly in sync, especially during the solo when they were playing identically. See for yourself with the video below. 

Afterwards, Cornell hugged Arnie and said, "You were really on top of it. Good job" and gave Arnie his pick. Later, another person gave Arnie a set-list.

Dreams can come true! 

Another fan, Tenacious Libbs (Thank You TL!), video'd their whole performance, and here it is in on YouTube:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGOS9STAviQ


It's Logan you hear screaming, "I love you Arnie Sallan!"

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

Five Financial Facts Smart Moms Know

Today’s mom is often her family’s CFO so it’s prudent to make smart money moves.  Here are five financial facts smart moms know:

1 – Have a trusted board of directors:  We mamas can juggle a lot but can’t do it all.  Financial solutions are not one size fits all so pull in experts to advise you on areas like taxes, insurance and banking.  Rely on their knowledge to maximize your efforts and make wise choices.  As an example, I tell my clients their home represents both the asset and liability side of their balance sheet and deserves proper attention and expertise.


2 – Manage your credit rating:  Keeping your credit in good standing is crucial.  Credit scores are how lenders determine your debt repayment behavior.  Furthermore, utility and insurance companies - even employers - will evaluate your credit history for insight into your financial habits.   It’s a smart move to check your credit for errors or derogatory information and resolve any issues as quickly as possible to minimize their impact.  You are allowed to have one free copy of your report from each of the three credit bureaus each year and annualcreditreport.com is the sanctioned site to do so.  Another comprehensive resource for credit information can be found at myfico.com.

3 – Have cash reserves:  Businesses’ costs sometimes exceed their revenue.  Similarly most families don’t budget for a major auto repair or other significant expense but they still occur.  CFO moms know the importance of cash reserves for such emergencies.  Conventional wisdom is to have three to six months’ of expenses held in a separate savings account.  Finding extra money in your budget to fund a ‘rainy day fund’ is easier than you may think and very worthwhile.

4 – Leverage what you already have:  Businesses often use tax incentives or equity to their advantage – your family can do the same.  Do you or your spouse have a FSA through work? Using it can help you get more bang for your buck on childcare or healthcare expenses.  Are you paying mortgage insurance?  Call your mortgage company compare your balance to your home’s value.  If you have at least 20% equity, you may be able to remove the monthly mortgage insurance to increase your monthly savings. 


5 – Finding savings/deals is fun: How do you find extra money for cash reserves?  Evaluate your budget: Where do you spend money and where could you save?  Don’t want to break out the calculator?  Try sites like mint.com that automatically review your spending and generate reports to get valuable insight.  Become a deal hound: Find discounts on services or entertainment you already use at places like groupon.com.  Start playing the coupon game and learn how from domestic goddesses on sites like hotcouponworld.com.  Finding great deals are fun and small savings add up!

 Moms are the center of their family and frequently the family finances.  As your family’s CFO, you have all the tools to make savvy money choices so make the most of it!  

Rebecca Madej, a CharlotteMommies member, works for Cunningham & Company Mortgage Bankers. She is the recipient of two Cunningham & Company President's Circle Awards, and she was named a Five Star professional by Charlotte Magazine. She excels at demystifying the financial process through a weekly "Monday Money Matters" e-newsletter and on her blog at rebeccamadej.com. Her passion for finance and the bigger-picture market issues is strong, rivaled only by her desire to educate consumers.

Children, Respect, and the Golden Rule of Parenting

Oh, I bet you thought this article was going to be about how you get your children to respect you.  I apologize… it is actually about asking you, dear mom or dad, if you respect your children?  Sounds a little like JFK doesn’t it?  “Ask not what how your child can respect you. Ask how you can respect your child!”

Webster’s dictionary defines respect as:   “to take notice of, to regard with special attention, to regard as worthy of special consideration; hence, to care for; to heed.”  Based on this, most parents would likely state “of course I respect my kids” but “why is it so important anyway?” I’m glad you asked!!

It is part of the golden rule.  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  So if you want your kids to respect you (which is why is suspect you started reading this article) you have to respect them first!  It’s that simple!  Or is it?  

Parents are very busy, often indispensable, multitasking individuals who do plenty of important things in addition to their most important job of raising children.  Parents are also human.  And to be human means to err.  We can’t always remember each and every vital parenting rule so let’s forgive ourselves of our less sterling moments and take this time to remind ourselves of a few ways in which we can show respect to our punkins, tigers, angels, and buds.  In addition to maximizing the “golden rule”, respecting your kids shows them that you take them seriously as a fellow human being.  And let’s be honest.  We all want to be taken seriously and respected.  Why should kids be any different?  Most importantly, when you let your kids know that you take them seriously, they are more likely to see you as an “approachable” parent because they trust how you will interact with them.  This is huge parenting tool.  We always want our kids to know that they can come to us with any issue, good or bad.

Okay, so what do you need in order to show your kids you respect them?  Here are five ideas to begin with. 

1. Pay attention to your body language especially when your child has something particularly important to discuss.  Put your blackberry, book, or newspaper down. Turn away from whatever else you are doing so you can face your child.  Lean in toward them and look them in them eye.  That brings us to our second strategy. 
2. Be aware of all of your facial expressions and emotions.  Try to control whatever you are feeling inside until your child is finished speaking.  Do your best not to show negative emotions with a grimace, frown, or disappointed head nodding. Don’t laugh at your child when they might have been embarrassed.  Do express concern and most importantly, love.  Though this seems like common sense, you’d be surprised what your facial expressions do without your awareness.  Many people can’t believe what they see on their own faces until they see themselves on video.
3. Your tone of voice should be even and loving.  This isn’t always possible when we parents get royally perturbed but the more you practice, the better you will get.  Try your best to keep your emotions in check.  A child’s brain that hears constant yelling will learn that as a way of communication and we know we don’t want our kids to be disrespectful by yelling.  You will have to role model it to them.  That takes us to number four!
4. Show your children respect by being a superb role model.  Remember that your kids watch you every time you interact with the grocery store cashier, restaurant server, telemarketer who calls at dinnertime, a police officer who stops you for a traffic violation, and yes, your mother in law too.  If you treat these people disrespectfully, you are telling your child it is okay for them to be disrespectful.
5. Lastly, give your child sincere praise when you see that they have been respectful to you or to someone else.  As parents, we are quick to scold and often forget the best motivator of all.  Positive feedback goes a very long way with kids.

Try these techniques out in the coming week and please share your experiences with us in our comments section. 


Keyuri Joshi RN, MSN, is a Certified Parenting and Emotional Intelligence Coach.  A "personal trainer" for parents, Keyuri assists moms or dads to achieve any goals they desire.  She also teaches parents to build emotional and social intelligence skills in children. These are research proven "must have" skills which schools do not teach.  Keyuri offers all parents a complimentary consultation and can be reached through her website, www.ontheballparent.com

Bathroom Antics

Once upon a time I was an adult who was able to make a trip to the bathroom in peace. I took that for granted. I assumed it was the right of every human being to be able to take care of business in privacy and relative peace. In fact, I believed this so much that a trip to the bathroom hardly registered in my brain. It just was one thing you did and continued on with life. It was.... insignificant. 

And then I had kids.

You would think, that after all the things we do for our children, the sleepless nights, the ham and pineapple splattered shirts we wear in public, the fact we are peed on and pooped on, spit up on, barfed on, with only a sigh and eye roll, that we would be given one thing, just one, to be able to do without a shadow clinging to our pant leg. But no. It doesn't work that way. Nothing is sacred once you have children. I repeat. NOTHING is sacred when you become a parent.

Depending on the age of your child there are different phases you will face on a (multiple) daily basis. I'll briefly explain each one.

First we have the newborn phase: Your precious gem of an infant is already in your arms 24/7 or else they will not sleep. However, that primal urge to deal with necessary issues creeps upon you at 4 am when you just got your little one to stop fussing and pass out in a seemingly comatose manner. You wait awhile, as the pressure increases, just in case your baby is trying to psych you out. After awhile you decide it's too much, your baby looks like a marching band could roll through your living room and not even twitch, so you make for the bathroom, baby in arms, tiptoeing hurriedly to the bathroom. Gently, you place your baby down somewhere warm and snug, lowering them down my the smallest increments that it would have to take a long exposure photograph to show your movements. You place them down gently, rise up slowly and turn to dash to the toilet when all of a sudden your dead to the world baby jolts, eyes pop open first in surprise, than in anger. Your baby glares at you in horror at this atrocious breech of trust, opens their rosebud mouth, and emits an ear piercing shriek of pure outrage that you DARED to put them down. You stand there aghast, caught between that urgent need to take care of business or pick the baby up and reassure them that Mommy was only kidding sweetheart, you can, umm, tag along... I guess...to the, umm, bathroom....

Then there is the wandering Baby phase: Your baby is self sufficient enough to handle times of being away from you. However your baby has learned to crawl/walk/cruise and while they no longer need to be in your arms at all times, they stick closer to you than your own shadow. Wherever you go, they go. If you stop, the start pulling themselves up to stand by hitching on to your jeans. And if you try to move when they do this, they get Ticked off with a capitol T. Heading to the bathroom in peace seems like it's a goal that can be reached, if you hurry. Sometimes you can be quick enough and enjoy a brief moment of solitude. Other times your shadow follows you right on in, babbling away. As you sit they make their way up to your jean leg and start pulling themselves up. Or they sit at your feet and gaze at you, arms stretched over their head, whining for you to pick them up. You can either A) pick them up or B) keep them from trying to find out what's going on in the toilet by continuously moving their hands away. When you're done, you must pick them up repeatedly and move them a few feet so you can close the lid before they stand up and investigate further with their little hands to see what was so cool that you had to leave their presence for a few minutes. I hate this phase. It's just.... gross.

Ages 2-4: Your child is seemingly engrossed in whatever it is they are doing and you rush off to take care of business. You sigh in relief. You just may have a chance to be alone for a moment or two, uninterrupted. And then you feel something, like a weighted gaze, and you slowly turn your head to the door. There, standing in the doorway, eyes round as saucers, staring at you, is your child.

'WHATCHA DOING MOMMY?"

"Umm, Im going potty."

"OH. CAN I SEE?"

"No!. Look, go play. Mommy needs a moment of privacy."

"HEY MOMMY! YOU GOING PEE OR POOP?"

".....go away.... and shut the door...please." The door shuts, and you think you won a round. Suddenly the door vibrates in agony as your child starts banging on the door.

"KNOCK KNOCK" (for the record I hate knock knock jokes)

Sigh... "Who'se there?"

"MOMMY"

"Mommy who?"

"MOMMY'S GOING PEE OR POOP!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA....HEY MOMMY? I GOTTA GO PEE NOW."

Never fails.

Then you have the older child:

My oldest son loves to talk. Nonstop. Sometimes he would just keep going without taking breath if I didn't interrupt him once in awhile with the gentle reminder to breath. Of course, there are plenty of times that he is off on a tangent and I need to rush off. I excuse myself and run and he follows me, still talking away. I (nicely) slam the door on his face. As I am in there, he's still gabbing away, garbled by the door now between us. so I only hear every 4th word or so.

"....he said....and then....Legos......grabbed......sword......and then.....so I.....can I?"

Note to parents: Never say yes if you hear the words "can I" through the other side of the bathroom door. This is usually when they attempt to get you to agree to buying them a pony or $400 Lego set.

Fun isnt it? Except I have one more to throw in. You see, I have 3 children, in 3 different stages. So when I need a moment I get a combo of all 3. 

We're heading out to the store/playground/school/museum. After changing Sorens diaper I tell the other boys to go potty before we head out. We have 4 bathrooms. I head to one nowhere near the kids, thinking to escape for a moment while they do their own business. Except Sorens chasing me, babbling away, giving my other two children perfect GPS coordinates of where Mommy is. Suddenly, I'm surrounded. Soren is trying to climb my pant leg. Ashe is yelling "MOMMY YOU GOING POTTY?" Xavier, is kind enough to stay in the hallway as he chatters away about Star Wars. Soren is now trying to climb into my lap. I put him down as he pitches a fit, Ashe is dancing around the tiny room yelling "KNOCK KNOCK MOMMY I GOT TO PEE" and Xavier keeps chattering on. I move to wash my hands after I help Ashe with his pants. Then grab Soren as he is trying to hoist himself on the toilet. He screams. Ashe pees while he sings. Xavier keeps chattering. Soren, as my back is turned for 5 seconds to suds up, stands on the toilet and maneuvers his hands into the bowl to play. He's just decided toilets are his new favorite toy and I now have to keep all bathroom doors shut and lids closed or suffer the gross consequences.

Xavier is chatting away.

What should be a 45 second moment of respite has now turned into a 3 ring circus act that lasts at least 5 minutes. Each time. And I'm the Ring Master, just trying to have a moment to myself, and instead I am keeping baby hands as sanitary as possible, answering knock knock jokes, pretending to listen to my 8 yr old, pulling up pants, washing hands, and just daydreaming about that glass of merlot I must have earned by now. Oh look, it's only 10am.

So for you parental units who struggle with some various form of what I described above, I salute you. You, the moms and dads, who sacrifice your time alone with the toilet. Who continuously struggle to keep babies from playing with the flusher, the paper, the... water. I nod in sympathy with you. For those of you who have to deal with curious toddlers and preschoolers, asking why is poop brown or pee yellow, when all you want to do is crawl under a rock and be left alone for just a few minutes while you take care of human needs. I drink to you and offer my support. You are not alone. It may be unspoken, a taboo topic for play dates, or dinners out with other parent friends. But we all know this (multiple) daily struggle. We suffer it too.

And for you non parental units, who laugh at bathroom antics, who take it for granted that it is a right to be left alone with one of the more baser and secret of bodily functions, keep note. Enjoy it, realize it is not a human right, but a privilege. Cherish that time alone you now take for granted so much, you don't even give going to the bathroom a second thought. And when the time comes that join the ranks of parental units, don't say I didn't warn you.

Brittany (Rhaven) is a member of trianglemommies.com. If you liked this story on parenting please visit her personal blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/

A Dad's Point of View: My 13-Year-Old “Know-It-All”

There’s nothing new dealing with teens that think they know it all, but recently I’ve found that my 13-year-old is making me crazy with his attitude. I’ve got another teen at home - his 16-year-old brother, so I do have some experience living with a teen, but it doesn’t get any easier!

David and I occasionally go on short ski trips together, without his step-mom or older brother, and that is when David’s attitude tends to fully blossom. This “attitude” manifests itself in his regularly contradicting everything I say, questioning why he has to do something I ask him to do, and generally being constantly contrary. 

Of course, being the mature dad and parenting writer that I am, my reaction is completely mature and appropriate.  I yell, stamp my feet, and otherwise act like a five-year-old, which naturally only aggravates the situation.  David, in response, acts just like a 13-year-old and pouts, muttering to himself about what an idiot I am.  The result is a stalemate in which we’re both unhappy.


On this last trip, the tipping point for me was when we were packing to leave.  I was busy cleaning up the condo and I asked him to take some stuff to the car.  He took his stuff and waited in the car.  While I was busily running around the condo, and making us lunch to eat on the drive, David was sitting in the car texting his friends.  Finally, impatient waiting so long for me, he decides to give me a visit to urge me along.


I naively asked him where he’d been to which he replied that he’d been waiting for me. I then asked him if he thought he might have come back to help take some other things to the car. By now he’s rolling his eyes, in the way only a “know-it-all” teen can do. 

At that point, I martyrized (new word) all that I do for him, what an ingrate he was, gradually raising my voice so everyone within the county could hear.  He grudgingly takes a small handful of stuff, to which I suggest maybe he could add more, at which point he storms off, with the aforementioned muttering of what an idiot I am.

I finish my cleaning, lunch making, and bring the rest of the stuff to the car and proceed to embark on our drive home.  However, at this point, I’m going to show him who is boss and who is in charge. So, I don’t talk to him at all.  In response, he turns on his iPod or portable DVD player and blissfully and happily zones me out while simultaneously texting his friends about what an idiot father he has!

Obviously I’m being slightly dramatic, but I’m sure every parent with a teen has experienced something similar.  And, though I’ve no first-hand experience, every parent of teen girls insists the whole teen thing is worse with the girls. Our family behavior pattern was set with my parents where I learned that we got mad, sulked for a while, but got over our anger quickly and moved on.


So, repeating the pattern that I learned as a child, one of us broke the ice, halfway home, and we began talking as if nothing had occurred.  I think that is better than holding onto the anger/hurt/pout, but I also think we need to deal with this ongoing behavior.

And, layman expert that I am, I can’t handle this by myself.  David and I are going to go to our family therapist together. We will try to figure out where this attitude is coming from, how I’m contributing to it, and what repressed anger or other emotions may be there for either of us. Hopefully we will learn to establish a healthier pattern, regardless of the positive fact that we don’t hold onto our momentary irritations with each other.  I need to learn how to react more maturely, how to teach him to express his feelings a bit more honest and openly, and maybe just maybe learn a better pattern of interacting.

The interesting contrast is how I am now relating to my older son.  We’ve actually moved past this childish pattern and are relating more like good friends.  While I fervently don’t believe parents should be their children’s friends, as the job of parent often requires levels of discipline and consequences that are not the province of most friendships, I do like relating to my Will with less friction and conflict.

It’s an evolving process--an evolving relationship we parents have with our children, and the progress my older son and I have made is heartening when compared with the recent conflict with David.  At lunch with Will recently, we actually had a heavy-duty discussion about sex, as his relationship with his girlfriend is either at that place or near, on the naïve assumption that he’s telling me the truth. 

There is nothing in this column that is new. Every parent thinks his or her teens are difficult.  But, we also know deep inside, we’re probably just repeating patterns and behaviors that our parents had to suffer with when we were teens.  I know, for me, that I was worse than both my kids put together so, I’m actually getting off easy.  And, I know I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything, any other experience, and have truly grown together with them into the semi-mature middle-aged dad that I now am!

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

With Wings

Elizabeth had a rough night last night.  Poor pumpkin seems to have her father and brother's allergies.  Congested, sneezy, puffy, she didn't fall asleep until nearly 4:00.  In the morning.  Which means that Mommy and Daddy pulled an all-nighter. 

Early this afternoon, with one 20 minute nap under our belts, I strapped both kids in the car and went for a drive in the hopes that the movement would knock her out.  No such luck. Nearly an hour later, we stopped at Chris's house so Joseph could get a drink of "ice cold water".

When I unbuckled Elizabeth, I was assaulted with That Smell.  Sighing, I took her inside and then went to my car for her diaper bag.  The diaper bag that I belatedly remembered I'd put in the house to restock.  Frantic, I looked in my purse (you never know), under the seats, in the stroller pockets, in my camera bag - any where a diaper might hide.

That's right kids.  In my rush out the door, I made a rookie move and forgot the diaper bag.

Not knowing what else to do, I decided to try to fashion a cloth number out of a hand towel.  Asking Aunt Chris for an old towel, I tried to wrap my head around how to do it.

Duct tape?

Saran Wrap?

Safety pins?

Chris, proving that yet again she deserves the title Great Aunt, walked out of the bathroom holding a mailer in her hands.

"I got this free sample in the mail the other day."

"Is it a diaper?"

"No.  It's a sample of Kotex's new maxi."

"That just might work!"

Cleaning Elizabeth's bum, I secured an overnight maxi pad to her onesie.  A maxi pad with wings.

And you know what?

That sucker didn't leak.  When we got home, I took her into her room to put on a "real" diaper.  The pad was soaked, but her onesie wasn't.

Now that's protection.


----------------------------

Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the Central Coast of California.  After she's done stashing diapers in every available purse, bag and glove compartment, she'll be blogging at http://inmandyland.blogspot.

May is for Mothers!

MAY IS FOR MOTHERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click here!
http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/may2010.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For celebrating the mother you are. For celebrating the mother you want to become. For celebrating the community of mothers who support you, encourage you, and help you be the best mother you can be.

This month for mothers is a time for us all to reflect on how this incredible journey began. Perhaps you were overjoyed by the prospect of motherhood and all that it entails. Perhaps you were overwhelmed. Perhaps you realized that you needed a friend who would understand you and support you in this new journey. However your journey began, we all have one thing in common - we need community to be the best mom that we can be. We need friends who will listen and provide support. We need playdates to help our children grow and develop. And we need a way to assist our fellow mothers when they require support.

Community. Friendship. Support. Understanding.

It's what The Mommies Network is all about and we are dedicated to providing that to you for FREE and to bringing it to cities across the United States so that no mom ever has to feel alone on this crazy journey called motherhood, but we cannot do this without your support. During the month of May, we are asking that you celebrate the moms in your life and celebrate yourself by donating to the organization that provides you with the support that you need and the ability to provide that support to others too, so that we can all be our best.

Donate $5 and we'll send a virtual bouquet of daisies to any mom you choose to honor along with a notification that a donation was made in their honor - just be sure to give us her e-mail address!
Make a donation of $10 and we'll make it a virtual bouquet of mixed flowers.
Donate $20 or more and we'll send your honoree virtual roses.
And we'll provide you with a special avatar or signature graphic so that you can let others know that you care enough to support The Mommies Network.

Please, take this opportunity to celebrate your own motherhood in the month of May and make a donation to The Mommies Network so that we can continue to offer a source of support and community to the moms across our nation. Working together we can change the world - one family, one neighborhood, one community at a time.

Thank you,
The Mommies Network


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click here!
http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/may2010.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Puttin' on the Ritz

I've breastfed Elizabeth for almost nine months now.  We delayed solids and didn't start her on food until she was just past six months old.  I buy organic, fresh produce.  I painstakingly steam, bake, and puree her baby food.  I freeze it in ice cube trays and then put the cubes in neatly labeled jars and bags.  I agonize over the lack of diversity in her diet and research various fruits and vegetables to decide when to introduce them.  I make sure to always pack bananas and avocados when we're traveling. I'm sure to always wait three days between each introduction in case of an allergic reaction.

All of this takes time, energy and organization - three things that are not always plentiful.  There are nights that I'm steaming sweet potatoes and baking butternut squash while the rest of the family sleeps.

Then...

"Hey baby," Chad said over the phone, "can Elizabeth drink water?"

"Well..." I hedged.  "Technically she can, but only a little bit.  To be honest though, she really shouldn't need it.  Her baby food and breastmilk have enough water in them to keep her hydrated."

"Yeah.  Well.  I think she's thirsty."

"She shouldn't be."

"Well, I fed her Ritz crackers and now she seems thirsty."

"........"

"Baby?  You there?"

"........"

"Baby?"

"Ritz?!"

"Don't worry!  I checked the sodium content and they seemed way better than Saltines."

*face desk*


-----------------------------
Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the Central Coast of California.  When she's not hiding the snack crackers, she can be found at http://inmandyland.blogspot.

Naptimes for Everyone!

I think daily naps should be mandatory. A law, even. In which if said law is broken the "criminal" is forced to be locked in their bedroom for 2 hours, with guards on the other side of the doorway, ensuring no escapes can be made.

Im not talking about for kids either. I mean us "grown ups".

All places of employment should allow for a 1 hour lunch break, followed by a 1 hour nap break. Everyone must bring their own pillow and sleeping blankets and lights are turned out in office buildings all over the country.

All Stay At Home Parents should have some sort of ability to take 1 hour, just 1 measly, stinking hour, in which they can trudge up the stairs, crumple on the bed, and pass out without having to worry about artistic murals done in Crayola on their cream, flat paint living room wall while they slumber (oooh tangent.... flat Paint.. WTF people???)

I remember vividly as a child being forced to suffer naptime at my daycare. I hated it. Loathed it! I railed against it like a screaming banshee 3 yr old, giving hell to whomever forced me to deal with such drudgery. And I think back to that time and I want to go back, and talk to my younger self. I want to smack her upside the head and say "IDIOT! DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW AMAZING THIS GIFT IS YOU ARE BEING GIVEN??? THE CHANCE FOR COMPLETE, UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY NO LESS!!!????? Enjoy it! Stock up! Relish this time to be with your own thoughts, uninterrupted by whining, wheedling, arguing children of your own. Daydream. Relax!!!! Sleeeeeep. For me. For you. You'll miss this. You'll regret not taking advantage of this while you can. Trust me, your older self on this."

I miss naps. I hunger for them. I ache with this longing need that is rarely fulfilled. The only chance I get to really nap (not just lie down with the door wide open, my eyes closed, ears sharpened for any minute vibration in the air sensing impending doom as my 3 yr old, awake downstairs, is inevitably plotting world domination) but really let go of any care and pass out into peaceful oblivion is on a weekend day, and that's only if we have no plans and we're too lazy to make any. Lately, that is not often, having recently moved. And during the week.... well, Ashe doesn't nap. Hasn't since he was 2. Like on his second birthday he just upped and decided he was done with naps and all sorts of things that are called "Quiet Time". Nope. He wasn't having any of it. I was spoiled with Xavier. I fooled him into napping until he was 3 and even then I got him to do Quiet Time until he was 4 and Ashe came along. All I can say is Soren damn well better nap until he's 6 or I'm going to end up one cranky(er) Mama.

I feel that. The crankiness just starts to settle in my bones, if I'm tired and on the go all day. I consume pots of coffee, in the hopes of making me energized enough to just make it through... just hang on! But you hit this wall and no matter what you have done to try and stave it off BAM! Your eyelids waver then droop. You start to yawn multiple times. Damn, that piece of floor right there, the only piece of carpet not littered with toys, sure looks comfy...

We would all be doing ourselves a favor if we instituted a law for napping. No, I don't have the mechanics worked out to know how it would be properly implemented with the understanding that all flatpainted walls would also need to be preserved and not graffitied with Washable (hahaha yeah right) markers. I'll leave that to someone else. Someone whos not so tired that their mind works well enough to think of a brilliant answer. I'm just little old me, trying to get a movement started. A movement of non movement. Napping.

Who's with me?

Written by Brittany (Rhaven) at trianglemommies.com If you like this story please visit Brittany's personal blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/

A Dad's Point of View: Overcoming Fear--A Success Story

My son and I had an extraordinary experience this Spring Break while on a ski trip at Mammoth, California.  It was just the two of us, since my wife stayed home for work and my older son preferred hanging out with his friends and girlfriend (I can’t blame him, as she’s wonderful).  So, it was a special alone-time-trip with my younger son, David.

Because our skiing levels and skiing interests are quite different, we tend to prefer to ski separately.  I have friends there and David had some friends from school that he skied with.  However, we always hook up at some point and one day, after he’d slightly hurt himself and was taking it easy, we skied together. We skied just one area, where there’s a short chair lift and short runs.

When we approached the lift line, I noticed a woman waiting just outside the line.  I made a comment that on such a beautiful day, she shouldn’t be kept waiting.  She smiled and we went ahead.

A few minutes later, when we returned to the lift, she was still there.  I suggested that whoever was keeping her waiting was rude and she should ride up with us. She replied that she might ride up with us the next time we came down.  I introduced my son, and myself. She told us her name was Lisa.

Next time down, again she was there and I said, “Okay, that’s it; they’re being very rude and you should get to enjoy yourself.” “C’mon with us.” She then quietly told me the real story of what was going on.  Evidently, she had had some sort of accident on a chairlift five years ago, and was scared to go on again and hadn’t in all the intervening years.  Today, she was trying, but had stood there for over an hour trying to get up the nerve to go. 

I told her I fully understood since I had a similar experience after I’d had a bad accident last Memorial Day in the half-pipe (you know, the event in the Olympics that Shaun White dominates). I had fallen, waking up in a ski gurney, after being unconscious for several minutes. I ended up with a dislocated shoulder, two broken bones, and a concussion.  So, when this season began, I approached the half-pipe with trepidation.  But, I got over it, letting go of any fear, and have been enjoying the pipe all season. 


When we saw Lisa again and encouraged her to come with us, she said, “Will you take care of me, if I go up with you?” to which I said, “Of course.” She tentatively got in line with my son and me.  I could see, as the line moved forward, that she was quite hesitant. I kept reassuring her that she could do it. When we got to the front of the line, ready to board the chair, she paled and said she couldn’t do it, and maybe she’d try, “Next time.”

When we got back to the lift again, she was gone.  David and I went searching for her, in the lodge and on the deck outside, since we now both felt it was our mission to help her overcome her fear. We couldn’t find her. We went back in line and I asked the lift operator if she had seen her, as everyone was now aware of the situation.  The lift operator said Lisa had been taken up the hill, on a snowmobile by the ski patrol, so she could at least take a run.

Again, my son and I went looking for her--this time on the runs.  Again, no luck, so David went in for lunch and I returned to the lift. And there she was!  I immediately went over to her and she said she had called some friends, as she knew many people at Mammoth. They were coming shortly and she’d like all of us to support her as she tried again to muster the courage to get on the lift.

When her friends showed up, we all got in line, surrounding her.  She made it on the chair without a hitch.  Immediately she hugged all of us, as tears streamed down her face.  When we got to the top, she easily got off the lift and we began to ski.  She’s a snowboarder, so she began to “ride,” to use the correct vernacular.  The joy on her face was HUGE as she did beautiful, graceful turns, often stretching out her arms in joy.

Her friends had to get back to work, so I stayed with her as we got on another chair and then another, and another, without a hitch.  She explained what had happened.  About five years ago, she was diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) and was given some heavy medications.  At the time, she had an important job working at Mammoth. One day, while on the lift with a good friend, she began hallucinating from the drugs.  She tried to jump off, several stories above the snow/ground, and would have fallen to her death had not her strong friend held her tight, preventing a tragedy.

Ever since, she was terrified to go on a lift again.  She left her job at Mammoth and moved away.  Now, five years later, and having mostly beat the MS with holistic treatment, hard work, and determination, she was back at Mammoth hoping to overcome her fear.

It was, to use a favorite word of my kid’s generation, an “awesome” experience to be part of her big win.  I took a bunch of photos and made a great, new friend.  And, for my son, he learned what it means to reach out and help someone and how good a feeling it is!  For a small photo album of pictures I took that day, go to my link at Picassa: http://bit.ly/FearPix

Part of Lisa’s recovery involved intense cycling. She has put her considerable energy towards helping raise money to find a cure for MS via cycling events.  If you would like to read more about Lisa, her story, or Multiple Scleroses, please visit her cycling team’s web sight at www.teamchaingang.com, where you can reach Lisa directly.






Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan. 

There's Just Not Enough of Me to Go Around

It's not about time. When it comes to time, I can use my mad crazy 1992 tetris skills and make all the activities I have to, fit into the mere 24 hours we are each granted in a single day. I can sometimes even manage to schedule 7 hours for sleep. Then, when I'm done, and realize I seriously just SCHEDULED bed time for myself, that's when I know it's just too much. Sometimes, in my head, I even categorize my morning activities into time slots. Get up at 7, take the dog out, bring the dog in, give the dog a treat, feed the dog, feed the kid, get the kid clothes, get in the shower, wash my hair, wash my face, get out of the shower, make the kid put on the clothes you got him 20 minutes ago because he is walking around your bedroom still in his pj's, dress self, dry hair, make up, teeth brushed, kid's teeth brushed, take dog out again, bring dog in again, make kid's lunch, make self lunch, get kid's book bag together, get own book bag together, get dog in the kennel, get kid in the car, get self in the car hopefully with keys in hand saving one of the many trips back into the house for forgotten items, get kid to school by 9, get self to school by 9:15...

On paper it's daunting. As a mom, it's routine. I look at this morning and I think "this is pie." This is what every other mom goes through every single day. Not to mention working moms. I mean, I am in school full time, 4 days a week. So I certainly am doing my fair share of being a working mom, but to throw a commute into this mix would only exacerbate an already ridiculous progression. And when you add in all the evening commitments into the equation, it just doesn't add up. Tuesday night t-ball practice, Thursday night trivia, Friday swim lessons, Saturday afternoon games, church on Sundays. And my husband is a contract worker on top of his full time job so he is constantly doing work at home when we should both be relaxing. Forget my homework. What homework? What study time?

I know that other people have it worse. I know some schedules are far crazier than this. But I'm not other people. And I just can't do it. Today at school, I broke down because some 18 year old girl told me I was being rude. In my defense, I most definitely was not. In her defense, she's an idiot. But the point is, I could care less what some little teenager thinks or says about me. It doesn't matter. It isn't what I was upset about. I was upset about feeling so tired and so exhausted and so defeated that one little tap on my foundation would make the whole darn world come crashing down. I'm being a little dramatic. I paid the girl no mind and made it to my car in time for no one to see me cry. I shed exactly 5 tears, let the rest roll off my back, and ate my lunch with my friends. But the overreaction just made me realize, I haven't got it all together anymore. And while I know that's okay, knowing it's okay doesn't make it any easier to deal with in this moment. My emotions and my energy are all so scheduled and so itemized that if even one thing goes wrong, the entire train will wreck. I leave room for maybe 3 seconds of movement, and after that the ties start to break.

I used to wonder why people did this to themselves. Now I realize, we often have no choice. When we signed the kid up for t-ball, we didn't know my school schedule would be so crazy. And to be honest, t-ball is a nice relief for him from the stress that is often thickening the air at home. He is also in swim lessons once a week, but this was purely a safety thing. Again, life to do over: don't do t-ball and swimming in the same season. But it's out there now and there is no getting around it. And I honestly didn't know school would be THIS hard this quarter. I breezed through the last almost-year of my life with straight A's. And I literally mean breezed. I studied pretty darn hard for A&P:101 but there's no passing that class (much less getting an A) without working your butt off. And here I am struggling to keep my B in skills while I listen to children in my class tell me I'm rude for answering a question.

It's not about time. It's about energy. It's about strength. It's about patience. And I just don't have enough to go around right now. So what do I do? Well, blog apparently. But really, I just pray about it. And I remember that this is just a chapter in my life. It will be over soon and all of this will come to an end, just like all times come to an end, both good and bad. There was a short chapter after the kid was born when we ate Ramen Noodles and PB sandwiches almost every meal. Because that's what we could afford. It was then that I was introduced to Vienna-sausage sandwiches and the Filipino version of pork and beans (which consists of beans that happen to have some pork fat in the can heated over rice). And those times were really hard. When every dollar you spent on yourself was one less dollar you had for formula and diapers, you looked at money a little differently. But you know what? Those times passed. That chapter had a beginning and an end. As does this one. So I'm gonna take a really deep breath and make it through the next six months. It may not be easy... scratch that... it's gonna suck. But the reward in the end is almost immeasurable. And I will look back on it the same way I am looking back on the other tough times: not with remorse or sorrow, but just with gratitude. I'm grateful those times are over. And I'm grateful for all I learned. And I'm grateful for all that I've become as a result of all that I've been through.

Rachael is a member of GwinnettAreaMommies.com and you can continue to read the crazy going-ons of her life (if you dare!!) at http://rachaelkayte.blogspot.com 

Dressing a Toddler

Round 1

1. Pick up toddler (all 30lbs) take into their room
2. Set down toddler (too heavy) to pick out their clothes
3. Turn around to see toddler running out of the room

Toddler - 1 and Parent - 0

Round 2

1. Pick up toddler and  discuss that they need to stay in their room
2. Close door (lesson learned from Round 1)
3. Put down toddler to gather up the clothes
4. Grab toddler from a mid-run around the room
5. Holding sleeves pull shirt over head as toddler twirls around blindly. 
6. Pull pants down as toddler runs off, tripping, because toddler’s feet are still in the legs.
7. Pajamas off (Parent - 1)
8. Grab diaper as toddler scrambles away
9. Watch in horror as naked toddler runs away to squat in the corner for a pee

Toddler – 2 and Parent – 1
Round 3

1. Put diaper on toddler
2. Run out of the room to get something to clean the carpet
3. Return to a toddler somewhere hidden in a pile of clothes (that you don’t remember taking out)
4. Put toddler in crib (lesson learned again)
5. Clean up clothes
6. Clean carpet
7. Return to dress toddler

Toddler - 3 and Parent - 1
      Round 4 (Final round)

1. Take toddler from bed
2. Wrestle screaming, wiggling toddler to the floor, sit on them (another lesson learned)
3. Put pants on kicking toddler legs
4. Scream in pain, as you take a blow to the eye
5. Partially blinded, pull toddler to standing. While holding toddler in a bear hug, put shirt over head
6. Don’t pull arms through until almost finished (avoiding another blow)
7. Reach hand down the arm of the smallest sleeve in history, pull toddler hand through
8. Reach down second sleeve, avoiding pinches from the now free hand, to pull other hand
9. Realizing that you haven’t finished pulling the toddler’s head through, watch as toddler now wanders around the room bumping into things (Parent – 1)
10. Chase down blindly running toddler to finish the job
11. Realize that the shirt is on inside-out, pants are on backwards and you can’t find shoes
12. Tumble to heap on the floor, nursing your black eye
13. Toddler runs over to snuggle up and fall asleep with you on the floor

Final Score - Toddler – 3 and Parent - 2 (plus 1 for bonus in final round)
Elapsed time 3 hours , 15 minutes – Missed doctor appointment by 2 hours – Parent still in pajamas

 

By Shannon Henrici, writes for a new online baby clothes boutique.  She is also a mother of a 19 month old little girl.  My Baby Clothes Boutique carries a variety of the highest quality baby headbands, baby hats, and baby clothes for every unique baby.