The Giving Tree Or How Stumpy And The Boy Find Happiness

I read The Giving Tree to my son last night. Twice. His request.
Honestly, it’s a strange book.
Is the tree supposed to represent his mom? Motherhood consists of mutual love and admiration (also known as the child swing on the tree, eating apples and playing in it’s shade) until the child outgrows the mother? And the mom continues to give everything (apples for money, branches for a house, tree trunk for a boat) until she’s an unhappy stump? And finally the boy comes back to her, sits on her, and that makes her happy?
I’m not saying that the boy needs to learn to say thank you. Because I didn’t chose to become a mom for the pats on the back. (Maybe a few back rubs from my husband though.) My kids can pat their own kids if they want to thank me. But perhaps the tree needs to figure out what makes HER happy. Because as a stump, the book suggests that she is NOT happy. And maybe she’s little bit too needy since she is only happy once again when the boy (now an old man) sits on her.
And the boy? Well this happiness problem is multigenerational. He thinks money, a wife, children, and finally a boat to escape, will make him happy. But they are clearly temporary solutions. Is he ever TRULY happy? He seems his happiest as a child playing in the tree. But who wants to burn out their bright star as a ten year old?
Is this a sad story of the state of our needy culture always looking for the next thing, the next event, to make us distracted and happy? Or the other side of our needy culture, where we sit around waiting to be martyrs and give and give thinking if the people that I love are happy, I’ll be happy? That our happiness is conditional on others and not on our own wellness? What if the people we love are unable to be happy?
And is happiness so easily won? Just by giving? Didn’t Mother Teresa give of herself constantly and felt more often than not that she was tormented and alone?
Does this mean we should KEEP instead of GIVE. The Tree That Said No. The Boy Who Found Happiness Without A Tree.
I finally read the synopsis of the book by the publisher:

‘Once there was a tree…and she loved a little boy.’

So begins a story of unforgettable perception, beautifully written and illustrated by the gifted and versatile Shel Silverstein.

Every day the boy would come to the tree to eat her apples, swing from her branches, or slide down her trunk…and the tree was happy. But as the boy grew older he began to want more from the tree, and the tree gave and gave and gave.

This is a tender story, touched with sadness, aglow with consolation. Shel Silverstein has created a moving parable for readers of all ages that offers an affecting interpretation of the gift of giving and a serene acceptance of another’s capacity to love in return.

So the book is about giving without expectation. And about accepting another person’s limits and ability to love. Well, I can hang with that because that is the essence of life. Learning to give for the sake of giving and not for a thank you or a parade (although I LIKE PARADES). And meeting people where they’re at — not expecting them to be what I WANT or NEED. But expecting them to be who they are. And maybe even learning to LOVE who they are.
Perhaps the tree always knew the boy’s faults and inability to love her back, but loved him anyway. And the tree may have given for the wrong reasons — longing to make a boy happy who couldn’t be happy. But maybe the boy’s taking MADE the tree happy. The taking in and of itself allowed the tree to feel useful. Maybe the tree becomes unhappy as a stump because she believes that she has no more to give; therefore, is useless.
And in the end, through their faults and misplaced love, they’re okay. Maybe the tree and the boy are even happy on the final page. Old and stumpy. But happy. And who doesn’t want that?
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This post is written by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married mom with a BA in Political Philosophy and a Medical Degree.  She currently spends her days as a stay-at-home mom who writes poetry and blogs.  A much better plan than hers!  She blogs at Late Enough, hangs out on Facebook and tweets @L8enough but be prepared for baby poop and liberal bias.

A Dad's Point of View: A Story Of Faith

This past Easter I was skiing with my younger son.  As my middle-aged body gets sore from several hours on the slopes, I tend to indulge in the jacuzzi to ease some the aches I’ve earned each day.  On this past Easter Sunday, I ended up sharing the communal jacuzzi at the condo complex with members of a family who shared some personal stories.  For me, they were inspirational.


I met Bob (names all changed) who was single 30+ years after divorcing the mother of Sharon and Mark, the other two adults in the jacuzzi.  Bob had been their stepfather for seven years, yet remained actively involved in their lives long after he and their mother divorced.  Sharon felt so close to him that when she got married she invited both her biological father and Bob to walk her down the aisle. This irritated her biological father who had evidently not been much of a father during the years before and after Bob was in Sharon’s life.

All these years later, these two adult children had chosen to remain connected with Bob, their stepfather of seven years.  Their bond and commitment to each other was obvious.  With all the struggles so many blended families go through I was impressed and touched by their closeness.

Mark had had a child out-of-wedlock and struggled mightily to stay in that son’s life.  The child’s name is Rick. Mark said that he had spent tens of thousands of dollars seeking visitation rights, but Rick’s mother did everything in her power to frustrate his efforts to have a relationship with his son. I’m putting aside the issue of Mark not being married at the time and, instead, focusing on the mother and father fighting, thus hurting the child.  This is too often the case and, sadly, too often our courts instead of looking out for “the best interest of the child” choose to focus on the best interests of the angry spouses only resulting in financial gain for their lawyers.

During the years of this legal struggle, Mark married and had two more children, a boy and a girl, yet he continued to try to stay in Rick’s life.

The result of Mark’s fighting with Rick’s mother was that Rick became a troubled teen and young man. Big surprise. Rick was caught between his warring parents, with Mark trying to establish some boundaries for him while his mom only gave in to anything to win Rick over to “her side.”  Ultimately, the story takes a turn for the worse when Rick turns Mark’s other son onto drugs, slipping him what used to be called a “mickey,” or giving him drugs without his knowledge!

When Mark learned of this, he had no choice but to seek a restraining order to keep his older son away from his impressionable younger one.  However, the damage had been done, to some degree, as his younger son began to embrace the drug lifestyle. 


Throughout all these travails, Mark stayed close with his stepfather, Bob, who offered counsel, financial help, and a strong, mature, and loving sounding board.  However, the grip of the drug culture is strong and Mark finally turned to his church, to his pastor’s son, a 19-year-old to seek some outside intervention that might help his younger son.

Thankfully, Mark’s younger son respected and liked the pastor’s son and became a mentor to Mark’s troubled son.  The two young men ended up going to Columbia on a church mission to help some of the impoverished children that live there.  The impact of this trip was powerful on Mark’s younger son and when he returned, he told Mark, “After witnessing the love these (Columbian) kids had for us, seeing the horrible poverty they live with, I realize how much value our lives are and I’ve changed completely.”


He hasn’t touched a drug since. 


Bob now has another situation in which to offer his guidance and support, as his stepdaughter, Sharon, mother of two young children, is in the throes of divorce.  So, again, he faces the job of supporting one of his stepchildren from years past, this time through the rigors of a divorce, while she’s still raising two small kids.  I could see from the look on her face, as well as Mark’s, that their bond with Bob was as strong as any biological parent could have. 

Between hearing about the marvel that occurred with Mark’s younger son and feeling the positive energy that Sharon gets from both Mark and Bob, I have full faith that she will emerge from the divorce as well as can be expected.  She may be a little emotionally battered, as is the result of just about every divorce, but she will be intact, well-balanced, and healthy due to this strong family support.

What is the lesson?  Parental bonds have nothing to do with paternity; they have everything to do with desire to be an active, good, and participating mother or father.  Bob demonstrated this to Mark, and Mark tried to be there for his older son, Rick.  And, Mark’s faith and connection to his church, gave him a tool that may have literally saved his younger son.  A miracle?  No: the power of faith, commitment, and love.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

Time Out or In

April is Stress Awareness Month and your kids need your help.  Oh yes, kids experience stress and what makes their situation worse than an adult’s, is that they don’t always know how to recognize the stress or manage it.  It’s not their fault because their brains haven’t necessarily developed to do this.
A two year old temper tantrum is a form of stress because she can’t necessarily articulate that she’s tired and hungry.  A teenager may get silent and gloomy because he doesn’t know how to manage the stress of peer pressure.  Your son may slam a door because he’s frustrated and stressed at constantly striking out during baseball, and your daughter may get grouchy because of the stress of verbal bullying about the clothes she wears.  Whatever the cause, stress will show up in children’s behaviors if they don’t know how to manage it.
So what’s a parent to do?  Three steps come to mind. 
First, be a keen observer of your child’s moods and behavior patterns.  Don’t count on teachers or coaches to always tell you when “something’s up” with your kid.  Try to pick up on the cues yourself by observing for shifts in their behavior. The older some kids get, the better they mask their feelings thereby minimizing their opportunity for parents to help them in expressing or purging them.
Second, be a patient guiding force.  Help your child to articulate what is going on in their head.  Ask questions and impart your loving guidance to help them find a solution.  Whenever possible invoke your child’s opinion in the problem solving.  This helps them to start training the brain for solutions.
Third, be a loving disciplinarian.  If your child’s stressful outbursts are inappropriate, by all means let consequences as you need to, but consider this… Many parents give their children a punishment or a “time out” in which they can think about their behaviors.  Often times, kids just stew during this period of time and end up harboring resentment toward the situation as well as the parent who punished them.  What if these kids had a “time IN” instead?  A brilliant lady named Linda Lantieri suggests just this in her book Building Emotional Intelligence.
Ms. Lantieri suggests that a small area of your home can be turned in to a special oasis of calm that can actually help kids to manage their stress.  They don’t have to be sent there as a punishment for negative behavior, but can go there to calm down before or after negative behavior sets in.  What a brilliant idea!  What’s even better is that you can ask your child help you to set the area up in a way that they find it inviting.  Avoid electronics like TV or handheld games but do consider calming music, stuffed animals (for younger kids), books, puzzles or even a candle (safety first!).  It can be made comfortable with soft seating and inviting pillows.  Parents may find they want their own “Time In” time!
Give it a try and share your thoughts in our comments section!

Keyuri Joshi RN, MSN, is a Certified Parenting and Emotional Intelligence Coach.  A "personal trainer" for parents, Keyuri assists moms or dads to achieve any goals they desire.  She also teaches parents to build emotional and social intelligence skills in children. These are research proven "must have" skills which schools do not teach.  Keyuri offers all parents a complimentary consultation and can be reached through her website, www.ontheballparent.com

French's Foods Giveaway!

French's Foods Giveaway!

Do you have your own blog? Would you like some awesome French's Food products? Read on for how YOU can WIN a French's T-shirt, recipe magnet, mini cookbook, or other French's product! 

Simply post any ONE of the recipes in below, along with any of your own. Your recipe MUST include at least one French’s Product – French’s Mustard – any flavor, French’s French Fried Onions – original or cheddar. 

Blog posts must be up before Mother’s Day!  We want your recipes that are so easy your kids can make them with you or that will leave you time to enjoy your special day!

Once you have posted both recipes (one from this post, and one of your own using a French's product), please REPLY to this post with a comment, and leave a link to your blog post! Giveaways are limited to the first 50 people to respond, so act quickly!

 

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Make Mother’s Day Special

Celebrate with Recipes That are Sure to Please Mom and Her Little Helpers, too!

Mother’s Day is Sunday, May 9th

Who says you can’t have it all?  Make meal time happier with recipes that are simple and easy to prepare yet pleasing to adults as well as the kids. Mom knows that mealtime is happiest when everyone enjoys what’s being served. So  reach for some of your family’s favorite ingredients and entertaining with ease can be as close as your pantry. From the classic Green Bean Casserole that’s a menu mainstay to new and exiting recipes like Tuscan Roast Pork Tenderloin, celebrate Mother’s Day with recipes that allow you to spend more time with guests and less time in the kitchen.

Whether it’s a buffet dinner or bountiful brunch, French’s® French Fried Onions, the secret to your favorite casseroles, can also be used to prepare a variety of recipes from appetizers to entrees with results that will have your guests thinking you’ve been in the kitchen for hours yet only take minutes to prepare. Delicious recipes like Crunchy Coconut Shrimp and Tuscan Roast Pork feature a delicious crispy, crunchy coating that guests of all ages will enjoy or try a new glaze, with only three ingredients, for Ham or Turkey that features French’s Mustard as the secret ingredient.

So as you plan your special celebration, try these quick and easy recipes that might just become an annual tradition.

High Resolution Image Courtesy of French’s French Fried Onions

CRUNCHY COCONUT SHRIMP

Prep Time: 10 min.   Cook Time: 10 min.

1 1/3  cups (2.8 oz.)             FRENCH'S® Original French Fried Onions

1/3 cup                         flaked, sweetened coconut 

1/2 cup                         all-purpose flour

1 lb.                                     large shrimp, shelled and deveined 

2                                    egg whites, beaten 

1.   PLACE French Fried Onions and coconut into plastic bag.  Lightly crush with hands or rolling pin. Transfer to pie plate or waxed paper.

2.   PLACE flour in another plastic bag. Add shrimp; shake to coat.

3.   DIP shrimp into egg whites. Coat with onion mixture, pressing firmly to adhere.  

4.   BAKE shrimp at 400°F for 10 min. until shrimp are fully cooked and crispy. 

Makes  4 servings 

Look for FRENCH'S® French Fried Onions in the canned vegetable aisle!

  Variation: Add 1 tsp. curry powder to crushed onions. 

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High Resolution Image Courtesy of French’s French Fried Onions

TUSCAN ROAST PORK TENDERLOIN

Prep Time: 10 min.   Cook Time: 10 min.

1 1/3 cups (2.8 oz)            FRENCH'S® Original French Fried Onions

1 tsp.                         crushed rosemary leaves

1/2 tsp.                         garlic powder

1/4 tsp.                        ground black pepper

1 to 1 1/2 lbs.       pork tenderloin

2 tbsp.                         FRENCH'S® Spicy Brown Mustard

1.     MIX French Fried Onions, rosemary, garlic and pepper in plastic bag. Crush with hands or rolling pin. Transfer to pie plate or waxed paper.

2.     BRUSH pork with mustard. Coat n seasoned onion crumbs; press firmly to adhere.

3.     BAKE pork on a foil-lined baking sheet at 400º F for 30 min. or until 155º F internal temperature. Let rest 10 min. before slicing.

Makes 6 servings

Tip: Use this savory coating for pork chops or chicken breasts.

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High Resolution Image Courtesy of French’s Mustard

ZESTY HAM GLAZE
An easy glaze to finish the Easter Ham or Turkey. Serve extra for dipping.
Prep Time:			5 min.		Cook Time:
1/2		cup		FRENCH'S® Spicy Brown Mustard
1/4		cup		FRENCH'S® Worcestershire Sauce
1/4		cup		packed light brown sugar
1.	MIX all ingredients in small bowl. Brush mixture on ham frequently during the last hour of baking.
2.	BASTE on ham frequently during last 30 min. of baking.
3.	GOOD with roast turkey or chicken.
Makes		1 cup

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High Resolution Image Courtesy of French’s French Fried Onions

FRENCH’S ORIGINAL GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE

Prep Time: 5 min.   Cook Time: 35 min.

1 (10 3/4 oz.) can             CAMPBELL'S® Cream of Mushroom Soup 

3/4 cup                                     milk 

1/8 tsp.                                     black pepper 

2 (9 oz. each) pkgs.            frozen cut green beans, thawed* 

1 1/3 cups (2.8 oz.)             FRENCH'S® French Fried Onions

1. MIX soup, milk and pepper in a 1 1/2 -qt. baking dish. Stir in beans and 2/3 cup French Fried Onions. 

2. BAKE at 350°F for 30 min. or until hot.

2. STIR. Top with remaining 2/3 cup onions.  Bake 5 min. until onions are golden.

Makes, 6 servings 

Tip: You may substitute 2 cans (14 1/2 oz. each) cut green beans, drained or 4 cups fresh, cooked cut green beans.

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High Resolution Image Courtesy of French’s French Fried Onions

Broccoli Cheddar Bake

Prep Time: 10 min.     Bake Time: 30 min.

1 (10 ¾ oz.) can             CAMPBELL'S® Condensed Broccoli Cheese Soup 

¾ cup                           milk

1 1/3 cups (2.8 oz.)            FRENCH'S® Original or Cheddar French Fried Onions

1 1/3 cups                          shredded Cheddar cheese

4 cups                           cooked broccoli cute

1. MIX soup, milk, 2/3 cup French Fried Onions, 2/3 cup cheese and broccoli in 1 1/2-qt. baking dish.

2. BAKE at 350ºF for 30 min. or until hot. Stir.

3. TOP with remaining cheese and onions.  Bake 5 min.

Makes            6 servings

Tip: Use 1 bunch broccoli, cut up and cooked or 16 oz. pkg. frozen broccoli cuts.

Look for French’s Original and Cheddar French Fried Onions in the canned vegetable aisle at your favorite supermarket.  For more great recipes and cooking tips from the test kitchen at French’s, please visit www.frenchsfoods.com.

FRENCH’S Foods, a division of Reckitt Benckiser Inc., the maker of FRENCH’S^® French Fried Onions, is a leading manufacturer, marketer, and distributor of food and household products. Some other well known, trusted household names in the Reckitt Benckiser Inc. family of food products include FRENCH’S^® Mustards, FRANK’S^® REDHOT^® Cayenne Pepper Sauce and FRENCH’S^® Worcestershire Sauce.

Mommy Bloggers

I miss the days when Martha Stewart was the only woman who could make me feel like a slacker. Martha, with her perfect hair, her effortless style, her brilliant ideas, her ability to find a use for everything and give everything a use. Between her estate gardens and her glue gun acumen, she was my go-to gal for inspiration, ideas and instruction.

I knew I could never quite accomplish her amazing feats of craftiness, but that was okay. After all, no one can really be Martha. She has personal assistants, stylists, gardeners, wealth. I could laugh at my attempts to "channel Martha" and just have fun.

Now, however, I've discovered a rabbit hole of blogging mommies who make Martha Stewart look like she spends her day watching soaps and eating bon-bons.

No nannies.

No assistants.

No stylists.

Uniformly, they are cute - slender, stylish, trendy. They have the ability to look at a dress in a thrift store and restructure a work of art suitable for a black tie party. They create their children's clothing and sell the patterns. They are creative enough to make every birthday party, every holiday look like something out of a magazine. Their photography is professional, their writing is interesting, their interests are complex and varied. They recycle, reuse and look fabulous while doing so.

I love them.

I hate them.

I so want to be them.

I think it's time to go back to Martha. My self-esteem can't handle the collective creativity.

Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living on the beautiful Central Coast of California.  This time of year, when she's not working in her garden, she can be found blogging at http://inmandyland.blogspot.com/. 

 

A Dad's Point of View: Your Kids Need You, Even When You’re On Vacation

I learned something very simple, very basic, and very important about parenting while on vacation, overseas, these past three weeks.  I was being selfish.  I have two teenagers who needed their dad, and this three-week trip was an indulgence that wasn’t necessary, was too long, and resulted in my not being there for my older son when he needed me.

As luck would have it, I got sick and we returned a few days early, right as his crisis was in full bloom.  Only due to this odd, lucky timing was I able to get down and talk with him, and address his anger and issues. I could support him as he continues to struggle through his teenage hormonal and otherwise raging insanity. In other words--normal teen growth and development.


My wife, to her credit, recognized the same thing, that we were gone too long, while we were on the trip.  The e-mail and occasional phone calls were enough to reveal that having a good babysitter, in this case a wonderful single mother isn’t sufficient when your kids need and want YOU.  It won’t happen again and we’re in full agreement on this.

The other thing that became abundantly clear to me was that those children without dads (or mothers for that matter) really do suffer.  Okay, this isn’t some new revelation for me, but when I reflected on how my son wanted his dad around when I was just gone for a few weeks, I thought about those children without dads in their lives all the time.  No wonder it’s a societal problem of such substantial magnitude.

One of my first parental theories and assertions, which I wrote about in my very first column, “There’s No Such Thing as Quality Time,” (find it in “My Columns” on my web-site - brucesallan.com) is that good parenting only works when you’re there--a lot. You cannot schedule important moments with your kids, moments when they’ll open up in the same manner that you might schedule a business appointment.  It only happens when you’re present, on a regular, full-time basis, if possible.

I recognize the time limits that single parents have and I don’t want to imply that single parents are being negligent. Rather, I want to assert an ideal that is not always possible but, in my case, is completely possible. I chose the selfish interest of an exotic vacation over my sons’ best interests, in a classic case of the cobbler’s kids going without shoes.  I know better.


So, what was the big drama?  What was so important that I had to be there?  Actually, it doesn’t really matter though I will share some of the details.  What mattered is that he wanted me there; he wanted to discuss his hurt and angry feelings, and there was no appropriate surrogate.  I could feel some of this when I tried to get him to express himself via e-mail. He doesn’t like to write; I do.  So, that didn’t work.  But, I wasn’t reading between the lines enough and maybe I should have just come home earlier.

Almost immediately upon my return, my 16-year-old son and his girlfriend wanted to talk with me. Her mother was out of town and her stepfather was very sick, struggling to take care of himself at the moment (nothing serious).  During this period, he wasn’t answering his phone. So, they had no one.


They faced a very typical scenario, one that we read about, one that is often depicted in a humorous light in movies and television.  They attended a party of peers, with supposed parental supervision, in which things got out of hand.  There was too much drinking and a little bit of drugs going on.  As neither my son or his girlfriend have their own license or car yet, they faced the choice of getting a ride home with one of their drunken friends. 


Thankfully, some of our parental lessons actually took hold, as they turned down those rides and spent the night on the floor at the house where the party took place.  The next morning, when I arrived home, they walked the distance from the party to our house.  Upon arrival, they immediately wanted to talk about it.

We discussed the obvious rights and wrongs of what had occurred and I took my son’s girlfriend home. Her stepfather, by then, was feeling better, so she was not alone. 

Later, my son and I had a deeper heart-to-heart talk in which he opened up about the situations that had been plaguing him during the past few weeks, beyond a wild party that got out of control.  Alone together, he actually broke down in tears at one point, and I did my job of dad by listening, not judging, and gently offering solace, advice, and feedback.

You can’t do that when you’re thousands of miles away.  Of course, parents need their time alone and there’s no guarantee that something won’t go awry the moment you leave, but for me it was clear that I was gone too long.  When they’re grown and gone, they’ll be plenty of time for such long trips.  This time, I blew it.  There was no long-term damage, other than some self-recrimination from which I will survive, to quote songstress Gloria Gaynor!

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

A Dad's Point of View: What a Wonderful World - Really

Last year, after my honeymoon to Africa, I struggled a bit to find the right material from that extraordinary experience to write about in my column. Happily, I came through with two of my personal favorite columns: each called “African Reflections” (Parts One and Two). This year, as I’m finishing up our trip to the Canary Islands, Morocco, and Portugal, I realized that I have more than enough material for a column. Consequently, I will share some highlights and also encourage you to visit my “A Dad’s Point-of-View” Facebook page where I’ve posted many photos from the trip (http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView).

Many things struck me on this trip, but the children affected me the most. The more I travel, the more exotic the places, and the more I realize how similar we all are.  And the kids strikingly make that point as their faces so often reflect the joys of life--in spite of whatever hardships their countries may be suffering.  To me, that is the hope for the future when I otherwise occasionally get discouraged by world events.

For instance, we went on a camel caravan in a very remote area, an hour’s drive from Marrekech, Morocco.  The 4-Wheel drive vehicles took us to what literally felt like the middle of nowhere.  We arrived at a small village that looked as if it was built from adobe and seemed in ruins. It was actually home to several families, and we saw some young kids exuberantly playing in the dust and dirt, alongside the various animals running around (chickens, donkeys, turkeys, etc).

My camel guide was a young boy from this remote village. His name was Aziz and he spoke little English, even less French, which is the more common second language of Morocco.  But, we had the common language of smiles and signing of sorts with our hands. I learned that he was 14. And, I saw that he was happy. He was happy living in the middle of nowhere, with camels as friends and no X-box, cell-phone, or mall in sight.  His joy and upbeat nature was palpable and I loved it.  We laughed at the baby camels and the moms bleating along with other funny noises of protest.

In the souks and the medinas (narrow groups of buildings with labyrinths of winding streets and shops) we also saw groups of children going or coming from school. They were always laughing, playing, and otherwise joyful.  Yes, we saw the poverty in some places and there were kids and others begging, but for the most part, we saw joy on the faces of the children we encountered.

I found all these encounters with the local people and children to be an ironic contrast to some of the discussions we had with our adult travel companions.  First, it was evident that each person had his or her own story and as is so often the case, you don’t really know someone until you know him or her well.  It was also very clear that each member of our group had overcome hurdles and challenges in his or her life, regardless of background or economic advantage or success.

I was particularly struck by the many variations of family units, marriages, kids, and such that we learned about.  It was as if the old-fashioned nuclear family of one marriage, kids, and a home with a picket fence was totally a thing of the past, given the different configurations of family units we learned about. 


I’m fond of quoting Joseph Telushkin’s mother, as quoted regularly by Dennis Prager, who said, “The only happy people I know are people I don’t know well.”  Human nature is such that we compare ourselves to what we think we know about other people, and I assert that the old adage that you would rather hang onto your own problems than trade with another is sage wisdom. 


And, when I travel around the world, I become even more grateful for the privileges of my life, though the older I get the more I recognize the foolishness of judging other cultures and people by my standards.  Yes, there is absolute good and evil, but I’ll leave that for the political pundits and writers and leave my assertions to the micro of family life.

So, here I was in a country with rampant poverty, joyful kids, and beauty everywhere and I was getting e-mail from my boys complaining about the minutiae of their lives.  My older teen was just plain moody, while my younger one was worried over the details of a school project.  That is their world and their reality, so my long-distance job was to relate to their daily concerns while all the while marveling at the things I was experiencing on my trip. 

Parenting never stops. Parents everywhere strive to provide for their children and I have to leave you with the sweet words of Louis Armstrong: “What a Wonderful World.”




Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan. 

How to Play Golf With Style

1. Grab your faded plastic golf clubs.  One for each player.  The third player (also known as N) gets the broken one.
2. Grab AT LEAST two golf balls each.  Try to avoid the dented ones because they do NOT travel far enough.
3. Line up multiple golf balls on tees, which will be carefully chosen by your instructor, E.  And may or may not look like a random blade of grass or a crack in the cement.
4. Hit each ball as hard as you can, preferably at someone.
5. If a cat happens to walk by during your game.  STOP IMMEDIATELY and begin running at the cat with your golf club held over your head.  Don’t stop until the cat has left the golfing area or dies of a heart attack.
6. Return to your ball quickly yelling GET IT MAMA!
7. Mama should be quickly hitting the ball back to your side of the court.  UNLESS you don’t want her to.  Then yell NO MAMA!
8. Suddenly veer to the right and around the basketball hoop with or without your golf club.  If you chose to do this without your club, throw said club into the air, preferably into the upper branches of a tree so you can continue to yell GET IT MAMA!
9. Every so often when you make a nice bank shot off the windows of a house yell SCORE and run around with your arms in the air and then hug and/or bump chests with your mama.
10. Repeat until you are distracted by a basketball.

We use to shout TIGER WOODS! before each stroke.  But yelling his name with a golf club in my hand just seems wrong.  Now we stick to WATCH OUT N!



This post is written by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married mom of two children with a BA in Political Philosophy and a Medical Degree.  She currently spends her days as a stay-at-home mom who writing poetry and blogs.  A much better plan than hers!  She blogs at Late Enough and tweets @failebg but be prepared for baby poop and liberal bias. 

Five Minute Bread

One of the wonderful things about my mom's forum is the amazing women who push my domestic limits.  One such friend recently introduced me to homemade artisan bread.

In a word...heavenly.

Tara assured me that anyone, even a non-baker, can bake bread following the simple instructions laid out in her handy dandy book.  In turn, I assured her that I'm not a baker.  Who can forget the Chocolate Chip Cookies of 2006 where I doubled the butter but forgot to double everything else?  Or the Great Breadstick Fiasco of 2001 which resulted in breadsticks that resembled drumsticks in size, shape, texture and taste?  Or even more recently, Broken Pie.

But I was intrigued.  Could it really be as easy as Tara said?  She loaned me the book - a collection of beautifully simple recipes encased in a colorful cover illustrating perfect artisan bread.  It temptingly teased as it sat on my counter.  It begged me to try to bake bread.  To clear my mind of past baking disasters.  To reaquaint myself with a task my ancestors did on an almost daily basis.  To delve into an craft that brought together yeast and flour instead of thread and felt.

It also looked really yummy.

So, yesterday, with my chores mostly finished, I opened the book and began to bake bread.

And, because I thought it best to document this historic process, I took pictures.  Lots and lots of pictures.

The most important first step is to have a good sous chef.  Joseph, my normal partner-in-culinary-crime was taking a nap, so I drafted Elizabeth.  She was more than happy to help Mommy out.

After we established that all the enthusaism in the world wouldn't help her read the recipe, I took control of the book while she looked on, measuring spoon in hand.

We heated water to 100*.  The book actually said "lukewarm, slightly above body temperature. About 100*."  I couldn't take any chances, so I enlisted the help of my candy thermometer.  Not sure how much it helped considering 100 was the lowest setting it had.

We poured the water into a large bowl, following it with yeast, salt and flour.  That's it.  The small ingredient list was encouraging.

I stirred the dough until all the dry ingredients were incorporated into an ooey-gooey mess.  I looked at the picture in the book and then back at my dough.  The picture.  My dough.  Still a bit unsure, I posted a question on Facebook for Tara.  She and fellow Domestic Goddess Sarah assured me I was on the right track.

And here's a picture of Yeast and Flour hanging out with Bread Dough.  They're so excited to have made a bread baby.

After two hours, I popped my bowl in the fridge to hang out overnight.  Now, apparently, at this point I actually could have baked bread, but I wasn't taking any chances.

This morning, as Chad got ready for work, I opened my bowl and began the actual baking portion of this enterprise.  I sprinkled flour on top my dough and then grabbed a grapefruit size ball to shape.

Here's my problem with that.  How big is a grapefruit?  Are they talking about those huge monsters you can find on trees or are they talking slightly larger than an orange.  Fruit size is so inconsistent.

Then came the "hard" part.  I had to shape the dough in 30-60 seconds.  This was a bit stressful.  Overthinking it, as usual, I couldn't help but compare my lumpy mess to the beautiful dough ball pictured in the book.  Mentally shrugging, I did the best I could.

I made two loaves.  The first was just a bit...odd looking.  The second?  Even more odd.  Hoping that everything would work itself out, I started preheating the oven.

Forty minutes later, I cut an "x" on my loaves, put them on a hot pizza stone and closed the oven door.  The smell of baking bread permeated the house while Joseph and I set about our morning activities.  My little sous chef decided it was all too much for her and took a nap.

After 30 minutes in the oven, I took out golden, crusty loaves of bread.  The crust was chewy, the inside soft.  One of the loaves was a bit...dense...but I think that was from overworking the dough.  Overall, it was actually fairly easy and low work.  I can't wait to try again tomorrow. In the meantime, Joseph is devouring the first loaf and I'm taking the second to a beach picnic to share with friends.

I might just turn into a baker yet.

Mandy Dawson is a mom and wife living on the beautiful Central Coast of California.  She shares her forays into the world of children, crafting and gardening on her blog http://inmandyland.blogspot.com/. She's a member of SLOCountyMommies where she's met many like minded women who encourage her domestic addictions while supporting her domestic failures.

Babies and Toddlers in Makeup

I was doing some research for my job the other day when I stumbled upon a topic I feel very strongly about.  I have known about the exploitation of children models and beauty contestants, but never thought much about it ------ UNTIL NOW!!!!!  Make up on babies and toddlers!!! 


I had my first child later in life, therefore I am new in this world of parenting, I want to raise my little girl the best way I know how.  In order to accomplish this, I research methods for positive parenting.  My job also allows for this research and gives me the opportunity to share the things I learn.  In a way, I have been enabled to help others in my boat.  Great perk!

Back to the topic at hand, I am appalled at the press of heavily made up celebrity children.  What is it teaching our children?  You aren’t good enough, just as you are!!  Makeup, clothes and eventually plastic surgery are the ways to make you better.   We all know that is a never ending battle.  I can’t believe they start these children out at such a young age to hate themselves and want to change.  Is this how the Anna Nicole Smiths and Pamela Anderson were raised?  How many people, like Michael Jackson, have been in the news, because of their addiction to plastic surgery?

I am writing this from the point of view of ex-diva!  I grew up in a household where you never went outside without makeup and your hair done.  It was considered a personal insult to my mother, if we didn’t have everything perfect.  I can remember many fights over my appearance.  My hair was bleached blond by age 10, at the Clinique counter for a make over by age 12, and a nose job by 16.  I don’t blame my mother, she was very insecure.  Her appearance is all she thinks she has.  She still spends over 3 hours getting ready to just walk outside the house.  I grew up feeling the same way. Before I would leave the house each morning, I had to check with my mom, “How do I look?”  Those three words were always said with dread, because inevitably she would find something wrong with my makeup, hair or outfit.  All of this turned me into a lunatic.  I can remember days getting ready for a date where I would change my outfit at least 12 times, cry for over an hour, and hate myself.  Nothing was ever good enough and I never thought I had reached this unobtainable PERFECT appearance.  I was miserable and I spent a lot of money trying to keep up.

One day, I woke up!  I was driving to work, late because I took too long getting dressed, when I asked myself, “Why?”  I was becoming more and more comfortable with who I was as a person.  I was married and my husband loved me with or without all the dressings.  When I boiled down all the things that were really important in life, clothes, makeup, hair and nails didn’t even fit on the list.  The biggest part of happiness is respecting who I am and what I look like.  I love my body, my mind and my appearance.  With this love and respect for myself, I take care of my health and body.  I am neither a waif or overweight, I am one of those crazy people who love to exercise.  The adrenaline rush and the power of using my muscles is very motivating.    I have to admit, I still color my hair, because of the overwhelming number of gray hairs on my 38 year old head.  Not ready to accept the elderly appearance, just yet.

Since I am in confession mode, I must admit I have been strangely addicted to Nip/Tuck.  For those who don’t know, it is a soap opera about of two egotistical, sex addicted, insecure plastic surgeons.  The families from this show are torn apart and scarred for life from living in this lifestyle.  I think I loved it, because it took the blinders off the view of the glamorous life.  You never knew what crazy direction the story was going.  I felt ashamed that I was addicted, but then I always felt better about my simple – Happy – life.

My goal for my little girl is that she loves who she is and how she looks.  I want her to respect herself.  In doing this, it is very important I set the example.  I fully intend to exercise with her, in whatever form she wants.  I am not planning any highlights for her hair, makeup or cosmetic enhancements.  She is absolutely a natural beauty! 


As a mom, I just can’t imagine these mothers of child models and beauty contestants want to create the insecurities these types of situations cause.    I don’t have anything against child models or pageants, but show off their natural beauty.  The manufactured beauty our society has encouraged is dangerous and unhealthy.  Take a look at some of these celebrities off screen, they are dressed down and I’ll bet happier!  High heels, hair spray, makeup, hair color, nail polish – these are not natural, not too mention harmful.

I have to laugh when I see that beauty tips for applying makeup to appear as if you don’t have on any makeup – Natural Beauty! Why not just go natural? But apart from what we are doing to our health, we are destroying our self confidence! 

By Shannon Henrici writer for My Baby Clothes Boutique, specializing in picture perfect baby clothes, baby headbands and baby hats!  These clothes are sure to enhance the NATURAL beauty of your child!

10 Questions for the Woman Who Wants to Work from Home

Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, temporarily out of work, or simply want to supplement your family’s income, you’re in the market for some ideas on earning money from the comfort of your home.  

We’ve done some research and gathered some ideas on how to use the resources you already have to get started without a big start-up investment--or any up-front money at all in many cases.

1. Have you cleaned your closets lately? You’ve probably got cupboards full of items you don’t need or want. Studies have found that most Americans have more than $3,000 worth of saleable items lying unused in their homes. That collection of dolls or decorative plates you treasured but no longer have time or room for?—someone else shares that interest and will offer a ready market. Check out the possibilities for selling your unused and unwanted stuff through eBay, efleaa, Hoobly, or your local Craigslist.

2. Got a camera? Your camera is an indispensable tool for selling online, but did you know that there is a market for your photos themselves? Websites and online businesses all want pictures to adorn their sites—without the expense of hiring photographers. Clearinghouses like ShutterStock, Fotolia, and BigStockPhoto let you upload your own photos for these businesses to purchase. You earn a percentage or flat fee (25 cents+) each time someone uses one of your pictures.

3. Can you write? Those millions of websites need words even more than pictures, and many of them hire freelance writers to fill that need. Elance, ODesk, and GetaFreelancer offer thousands of large and small writing projects every day. If your language skills are college-level, you don’t need to be a professional writer to find an enthusiastic market for your ability to express in words the knowledge you already have or can readily find through a little online research.

4. What about a website of your own? You’re probably spending a lot of time online already, so why not make that time productive? A website of your own is a great outlet for your ideas and interests, and a way to connect with people who share them. It might sound intimidating, but there are tools to help you get started, like a free website builder program. They provide all the software, training and support you’ll need. Other sources can teach you more about blogging, search engine optimization, affiliate marketing, backlinks, and ads to help you create a site that will earn money.

5. Do you like to shop? This may sound too good to be true, but you really can get paid for shopping  and eating out. Mystery shoppers provide a useful service to business owners who rely on their anonymous visits and reports for a customer’s-eye view of how their business is doing. This is a great opportunity for work-at-home moms, since you can bring the kids along on many of these expeditions.

Several specialized services can help you find these opportunities, like Service Intelligence, Shoppers View, and Service Excellence Group. It costs nothing to register, and you could earn $20 for one shopping trip—and may even get a free meal.

6. Can you type? Update a spreadsheet? Or make travel plans? Someone needs your “virtual assistance.”  Small businesses and independent entrepreneurs who don’t need or can’t afford full-time staff are outsourcing more and more of these routine office tasks. Work a few hours a day or week, or even full-time from your home. Alpine Access, Team Double Click, and Virtual Office Temps can help you find jobs that pay as much as $20 an hour. Freelance websites (like Elance and Odesk) have extensive listings for virtual assistants as well.

7. What do you know? Not just book-learning, but life experience, hobbies, previous job expertise--all can be needed resources for others who don’t have your background. Are you a gifted party planner? Is your eye for design fabulous? Are you the world’s savviest online shopper? Get the word out through friends, flyers, inexpensive ads in the local pennysaver, and start marketing your expertise. And of course, don’t forget the online marketplace. LivePerson and JustAnswer pay people like you to answer questions online.

8. Are you crafty? Marketing your handiwork to local shops is one approach, but again, online enterprise offers you a much larger scope. For a small registration fee and 3.5% commission, Etsy was designed for selling your creations. In 2008 this site alone sold more than $88 million in goods! Ebay is another outlet, as is Silkfair. Joining Silkfair is free, or you can open your own virtual store on their site for $24.99 per month and 3 percent commission. You can also market your collectibles here.

9. Are you a reader? You don’t need write books to make money on them online. The rights to many complete eBooks are available for resale through your own dedicated online bookstore or website. Again, free website builders, such as Wordpress, can get you started creating your virtual bookstore.

10. Would you love to teach? If you have a college degree, even if you’ve never taught in a classroom, online services will hire you to help students with tutoring, mentoring, problem solving and essay-writing help. Tutor.com pays by the hour, and through transwebtutors you can provide live homework assistance to students all over the world.

Once you’ve got a start in any of these areas, you may begin to see how they can be combined. With your own website, you can market your skills, expertise, and products directly and multiply your opportunities. The online business world provides boundless opportunities for women (and men) to work from home creatively and successfully.

About the author: Melanie Citron is a freelance author who wants the web to be open to everyone. She regularly researches and writes about great free or low cost resources to help all have a great presence on the web. See more of her writing at BuildMySiteforFree.com.

Dinner and a Show

You know, some nights, blogs just write themselves. Tonight was just one of those nights.

I have friends who enjoy a good dinner out at a comedy club. Myself, I never got the hankering to pay to go to one. I think the reason is most nights I live through a Comedy Dinner Hour in my own house. Sometimes it gets too loud and you cant hear the end of an act, but its ok because the next act has already begun. You sit there, food half way to your partially open mouth, wondering if you should take a bite now while your food is still hot, or wait a moment in case if you *do* take that bite, you wont accidentally choke on it when you laugh at the antic you know is about to happen.

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Act 1

After cajoling and yelling to get the kids and J to the table, to threatening the life of any toys who is on the table (toys off the table for dinnertime is a rule in my house) the 5 of us sit down to eat together. Tonights course is pizza, beefaroni for the kids, soup for Mom and Dad.

Within 45 seconds Soren is Orange from head to fingertips, sauce smeared into his hair as he happily mashes noodles with his two bottom teeth, stopping once in awhile to add into our dinner conversation "BAA BAA BAA MM BAA".

Ashe, suddenly realizing the the food before him is not, in fact Fruit Roll Ups as he previously fantasized, scrunches up his little face and pouts. "I DONT WANNA EAT THAT." This conversation is a constant one and we follow the script as a family.

"Why not?"

"I DONT LIKE IT"

"Have you tried it?"

"NOPE"

"Well then how do you know you don't like it?"

"CAUSE I SMART!"

"If you're smart you know your body needs food then. Try it, you'll like it (which is then followed by a chorus of singing Try it you'll like it from Yo Gabba Gabba by J and I while Xavier holds his ears in disgust.)

"NO I DON'T TRY IT.... I GOT TO GO POTTY NOW" and he scampers off while the rest of us dig in.

"BAA BAA BAA MMM BAA"

Xavier then starts up his conversation. Tonight it is about underwater animals.

"Hey Dad did you know Moray Eels are dangerous?"

"Yes, I did."

"Did you know that Giant Clams are dangerous?"

"I never thought about it but I wouldn't want to get chomped by a giant clam"

"Yeah and if you get stuck inside you could only escape with a knife!!!"

 "Like a butter knife?"

"BAA BAA BAA MMM BAA"

"No a butter knife isn't strong enough."

"Why not? It has ridges and a sharp edge...."

Meanwhile the sound of a 3 year old singing is heard starting up from the vicinity of the bathroom.

..."Not sharp enough! You need, like a machette to cut through the muscle!"

"Muscle? I thought we were talking about Clams!!"

"Dad!!!"

"Just kidding...."

The singing gets louder. While I can't quite figure out the tune, I do hear the words Jingle Bells and Batman. I get up to check and make sure Ashe is actually going potty. There he sits, legs swinging from the toilet, just chilling and doing his business, singing a little ditty to keep him entertained. He notices me and stops singing.

"What Mommy?'

"Are you going potty?"

"Yes"

"Ok. When you're done wash your hands and come join us."

"Ok Mommy."

He watches me silently until I am out of site. Immediately the loud singing starts up again. I head back to the table. Soren is completely orange now, and looks like a mutated version of those orange cones you see outside on the highways when there is construction going on. He's happily got noodles in both hands, grinning from ear to ear. Strike that. He looks more like a Jack O Lantern now that I watch him. J and Xavier are still chatting, Xaviers dinner practically untouched.

"BAA BAA BAA MMM BAA"

"Zavi, eat."

"I am! I had like, two bites already."

"EAT!"

"OK OK!"  He picks up a fork full of food. Just before he puts it in his mouth he turns to J.

"I wonder when I'll get to be on the news."

"Most things these days on the news is not good news. What do you want to be on the news for?"

"I want to be  on the news for making the bestest strongest house ever that could beat a tornado!"

The singing from the bathroom has now become loud enough for me to notice tune and words. It seems to be a song of originality as it's not tune I can place, and I hear Batman, Potty, Doggy Bones, and some gibberish mixed in. I cant help but chuckle. Everyone stops their discussion for a moment to listen. Ashe, in his own world, doesn't realize it has gotten silent at the dinner table as we all listen to him for a moment, grinning.

"Zavi... eat!"

"I am I am!!!"

"No, you're not. Dude, don't let the baby put you to shame by eating more than you."

J interjects "Thats not hard to do. Soren puts us all to shame." We all glance over at the baby, glowing florescent orange by both the sauce, and the setting sun. He notices us all looking at him and he grins wide. "BAA BAA BAA"

Suddenly the singing from the bathroom changes. We all glance over to see Ashe, half naked, trying to sing and jump around in the hallway as he dons his pants. After a few minutes where we watch him get one leg in and almost fall trying to balance, put his second leg in, and sing at the same time, he finally gets his pants on all the way, backwards, and scrambles up to the table. He picks up his fork and the conversation continues with J starting up where they left off.

"But what if a giant robot comes to your house? Can it survive that?"

"My house can survive ANYTHING!"

"MOMMY WUT THEY TALKING ABOUT?"

"I have no idea, Ashe, just eat your dinner."

"I NOT HUNGRY. I WANT A FRUIT ROLLUP."

"You can have one after you eat your dinner."

"....but what if the robot has giant arms that come from the sky?"

"My house will have a special roof that deflects all robot arms. Geez Dad,  you think I wouldn't think of all the possibilities?"

"BAA BAA MM BAA."

And so it continues, as I sit there and watch my family at dinner time, careful to take timed bites so I don't choke when something happens to make me laugh." Ashe continues to sing, Soren has finished his own dinner and eyes my own. I offer him soup, which after a moment to digest this new flavor, sucks down a third of my portion. J and Xavier continue to banter, and all is right with the world.

 Who says you cant get dinner and a comedy show for free?

Brittany is the mom to three rambunctious boys. If you liked this blog and wish to read more stories about her perspective as a mom, please visit her personal blog at Suburban Rebel Mom

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Suburban Rebel Mom