If the Hat Fits...

All in a day’s work
 
You know when your kids come to you and say: “When I grow up I want to be a, police man, a nurse a ballerina and a farmer?  Well don’t crash those hopes mom, just think of everything that you do in one day and let them know that it is all possible.  Here is a list of “hats” that I had to wear today and I am sure you can all add many more to this list in your daily goings on.

My morning started well.  The kids woke up at a reasonable time and we cuddled in bed until it was time for James to get ready for work.  I jumped out of bed and headed for the computer to check my face book account (don’t judge you all do it!).  This is y morning “me” time, the kids know that I do this every morning and I get at least 5-10 minutes before I am called upon to put on my first hat.  It took about 7 minutes and I heard my first, “mommy, I am hungry”.  Hat number one goes on, personal chef.  Of course, in order to get this meal on the table I also had to be personal shopper and meal planner.

After breakfast the kids play a game together on the living room floor and I head to my bedroom with my cleaning lady hat on and straighten the bedrooms.  Four loads of washing needed to be sorted and prepared for the washing machine so off goes the one hat and on goes the washing service hat.
As I load my arms with clothes and head for the washing machine down the hall, two speeding scooters come down the passage and collide with my shins.  Not very impressed, I put on my traffic officer hat and give them both a verbal warning about speeding in the house and especially around corners.

With the washing machine going, I have to delay my shower so I head out to the living room to see what the damage is from their morning game.  Fortunately, there are only a few things scattered, but tweeting birds remind me that I have not cleaned them in a week.  I put on my pet grooming hat and clean the bird’s cage.  In the middle of this all I hear the most terrifying scream coming from my bedroom.  I grab my emergency response hat and run to the bedroom.  There I find my 6 year old lying on the floor holding her left arm and after some verbal probing I discover that they were practicing their cartwheels on the bedroom floor and she hit her arm on the dresser.  We cuddle and conclude that the wounds are superficial and they head off on the scooters down the hallway at a slower pace of course.

Finally, time for a shower and I get 5 minutes before I am called upon again.  A knock on the glass door scares the (insert acceptable profanity here) out of me and I enquire what the matter is.  “Alexia, does not want to play with me!”  Seriously…..?  That is why I get disturbed in the shower?  I “politely” inform her that I am indeed in the shower even though she apparently cannot see that and I will speak to her when I am done.  I narrowly escape putting on my group councilor hat and manage to finish my shower in peace.

After my shower, it is snack time.  I cut up some fruit wearing my nutritionist hat and settle the kids at the kitchen table, while I take the vacuum out only to find that the filter is dirty and needs to be washed.  I reluctantly pull on my vacuum technician hat and start the process of cleaning the filter.
With a nicely vacuumed living room I put on the electric kettle for a cup of hot tea, but before it boils I am summoned by a loud: “Mommeeeeeeee…I can’t find my other sock!”  I roll my eyes, head over to see and smell the sock that needs its mate and put on my sniffer dog hat to sniff out the missing sock.  No sock in sight, I abandon the task for something a little more worthy of my time.  I put on the accountant hat and pay a few bills online before starting lunch for the kids.

While paying the bills the kids pull all the bedding off of the newly made beds and drag them to the now clean living room.  I put on my negotiator hat and enquire what their plans may be.  I establish that they want to build a fort in the living room and quickly switch to my building permit officer hat and inform them that building forts in the living room is not permitted on Mondays.  We agree on a new building site in their bedroom and they are off again.

At lunch time we all head to the kitchen to make it together.  I put on my cooking coach hat and set the kids up to make their own sandwiches for lunch.  I finally get to have that cup of tea that I started hours ago and we all settle down for a relaxed chat and something to eat.

Just as we finish, the dog starts jumping on me and I know it is time to put on my dog whisperer hat.  She only jumps up on me like that when she wants to tell me something, so I check her bowls and they are both full.  I open the back door to see if she maybe wants to go out and she just stares at me.  So I give up and head to the kids bedroom with my demolition hat in hand to demolish the fort and prepare the room for our quiet time.  The kids and I have a great time pulling everything apart and with my supervisor hat now in place I direct them to areas that need to be cleaned up and put away.  I then discover what the dog was trying to tell me.  She had thrown up on one of the kids beds!  I put on my hazmat response hat and quickly clean up the mess.

Aaahhh, quiet time! I love this. The kids and I lie on their beds for an hour and either read together or take a nap together, whatever pleases us.  As I lay there with my eyes closed hoping that they will both fall asleep, I am mentally packing my hats for the rest for the day; taxi driver hat, errand runner hat, gymnastics instructor hat, cheerleader hat, educator hat, part time student hat, sleep coach hat, ghostbuster hat and wife hat. 

So, next time your little “mini-me”, comes to you and strings off a list of things that he/she wants to be when they grow up, just smile and think about all the “hats” that  you had to wear today.  Then tell them; “Of course you will darling - and you have no idea how much more….”

Written by Melenie Borden, a homeschool mom to 2 precious girls.  follow our adventures on www.Tutormygirls.com

Timing

It’s all about timing.  Remember when I said 2 am seems to be when Big Dub is honing his skills, plotting against me, denying his poor little mind and body (and mine) the sleep it deserves??  I continue to think this is when he does his best plotting, shuffling his cards, coming up with his game play.  But, I think I may now be onto him and as I am starting to see a pattern in his plottings.
He knows when we are about to start the sleep smackdown all over again.  As soon as hubby and I have committed ourselves to the weak version of crying it out (Ferberizing him), Big Dub makes sure to eat the play structure at the mall, licking every grotesque crevice of the mandatory shoeless play area to guarantee coming down with a cold (which my sister-in-law pointed out to me, as Big Dub was sucking on the well tread path, is a breeding ground for athletes foot – then I had to wonder if he could get athletes foot of the mouth?).  A runny nose, crankiness and low-grade fever are all the guilt a mama needs to put the sleep smackdown on hold.  Again.  This is the sympathy card.  Well played my friend, well played.

There was another evening about 2 weeks ago when he had woken up around 12 am.  This doesn’t seem so bad, but when he has already been up twice after his 7:00 bedtime and I had just gotten to a deep sleep, it feels that bad and sets a tone for the rest of the night.  I went in his room determined to do the “pat, pat, night, night baby.”  However, the stench in the room made me choke a little and I realized Big Dub had pooped himself awake.  This also seems like it’s not that bad, but, Big Dub has also been denying himself the pleasure of a drama-free diaper change for some time now.  Apparently he prefers to sit in his own poop as his screaming, arching, crying and amazing acrobatic ability to propel his body off of the changing pad is astounding (yes, his changing pad is on the floor – note to prego mamas, don’t bother with a changing table, they are able to propel themselves off of them at far too early an age to make them worth the money spent on them).  As I am almost in tears, without the will to fight him, yet trying desperately to avoid poop all over him, myself and his room as he thrashes about, Big Dub grabs onto my shoulders and pulls his little naked butt to a standing, grabs onto me and wails right in my earhole “MAMAAA!”  It was the first time he said “mama” where I really knew he knew what he was saying.  Again, a card well played.

Christmas Eve morning was another rough one for us.  We had been up all night and around 4 am I had given up and just got up for the day.  Big Dub and I were rolling around on the living room floor, I exhausted and bitter, thinking this was not a good way to start our holidays.  Big Dub had been on one of his finely tuned stretches of 2 hour blocks of sleep for about a week.  I had to work that day, the brain synapses had not been firing due to sleep deprivation and I forgot to schedule myself off.  I was on the floor thinking how ungodly early it was, sipping my coffee wondering how many cups I could have before it started to wire Big Dub too, thinking that I still had 45 minutes before I even had to get in the shower to start getting ready for work, far too early…  And then Big Dub redeemed himself.  He eyed a toy and army crawled forward.  Just like that. Snatched it up just like that.  I had been pretty sure he was never going to crawl as up until that point he had showed zero interest, rolling at times, but preferring to  yell baby profanities until someone picked him up or took him to the object he was seeking.  He had not gotten up on his hands and knees ever.  I cried a little, tears of joy, realizing that from here forward he might just entertain himself for more than 45 seconds at a time.  Merry Christmas to me…  The timing of that one was impeccable.

He always knows when we are about to start researching adoption agencies, searching for a family better suited to him that we are.  Like a family who is allergic to light and can only be up at night.  Or maybe a nice polygamist family (although they probably have enough children of their own) where he can have his choice of moms to snack off of, and always a pair of arms to hold him.  I think he would also fit in well with a super trendy and cool family, one that doesn’t even use diapers and is into the “elimination communication” (I get pooped and peed on enough with the use of diapers, much less going without them).

And that is when he pulls his card and plays his ace, keeping himself in the game a little longer.


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STORIES OF TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, LAUGHTER AND HYSTERIA. POOR BIG DUB, YOU GOT ME FOR A MAMA...

I'm just and average mama who's not afraid to say all the things you know you are thinking.  Or just not smart enough to keep my mouth shut.

Follow me on twitter: @midnightfeeding / email me: lisa@midnightfeedings.com / visit me: midnightfeedings.com

Two Tales from the Crib

Not a Morning Person

Today went a little something like this:

(Small blue tire thrown from seat at kitchen counter into the dining room)

E: Can you get my tire?

Hubby: You can get your tire.

E: But I CAN’T!  Can you get it?

Hubby: I’ll help you down off the chair to go get it.

E: BUT I CAN’T.  I’m a grumpy guy!

(Titters and giggles from the audience)


What else can I do?  I’m a grump in the mornings.  My husband can be a grump guy and the little one is, on occasion, a grumpy girl.  But my son and I?  We are NOT morning people.
My son is actually the dreaded combination of a child who naturally wakes up early but doesn’t like mornings.  And I, as a parent, am forced to wake up early and don’t like mornings.  Together we are MISERABLE.

My mom told me (because I have blocked out all morning experiences of my youth) that I would only grunt as I got dressed and ate breakfast before leaving for school. (We had to be there by 7:35 a.m...  It’s like they HATED me at my high school.)  And she (being one of those awful morning people) chattered away.  And I grunted back.  So what can I say when E refuses to participate in life at 7 a.m.?

I like to think that parenting has forced me to grow in this area.  With both early to bed, early to rise children AND husband, I don’t have much choice.  This lack of choice has clearly addled my brain.  I consider 8 a.m. “sleeping-in.”  Seriously.

Let me take you back ten years (or so): In college, I chose all my classes based on time -- any earlier than 10 a.m. and I was NOT interested.  So when second semester Organic Chemistry was slotted for 9 a.m., I nearly died.  And nearly failed.

Most mornings, my son and I stare into space while eating cereal next to each other.  And hope someone else will pick up our tires.  And our plates.  And maybe bring us coffee. 
There has got to be ONE plus in marrying a morning person and perpetuating his genes onto the next generation.

Rookie mistake

My daughter is a yawner.  

Yawner: (def) one who yawns but is not actually going to fall asleep.

About two hours after N wakes up in the morning, she yawns.  A telltale sign of sleepiness.  Ask all the books and doctors.  And for the first six months, she took a morning nap about 30 minutes post-yawn. Not EXACTLY a cue, but I’ll take it.  And run with it.

Because, oh by the way, she got BIGGER and AWAK-ER (not a word). 

Yet here I go, watching (willing?) her to yawn because our day is scheduled around her 9 a.m. nap.  Because I forget she’s nine-months-old.  Because I like my schedule.  Because she YAWNED.

Instead she plays and cries and fusses in her crib.  And the minutes go by and by.  Now it’s time to leave for music class.  And I have to give up.  My son, my exhausted daughter, and I sing and dance with the best of them.  

After class, she falls asleep in the car.  At 11:30.  And my ENTIRE DAY IS RUINED.  (Because that’s how anal-retentive I am.)

I look back at my three-year-old son and think: I should know better.  Your cues were like trying to decipher hieroglyphics without the Rosetta stone.  No Babywise or any those hundreds of sleep-books held clues to your sleep patterns. You rubbed your eyes when you woke up and ran in circles when you were tired.  What a rookie mistake falling for the ol’ yawn-when-playing-contently move by your sister.  You have taught her well my son.

This post is written by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married (seriously!) mom with a BA in Philosophy and a Medical Degree and the drive to become neither.  She is hopeful this writing thing will pan out.  Follow her rants on www.lateenough.com and on twitter.com/failebg but be prepared for baby poop and liberal bias.

When Someone You Know Struggles with Fear, Anxiety and Stress

What do you do when someone you know has to deal with persistent fears, anxieties, or even depression? Well the first thing you need to do is to get the person to seek the services of a professional who can lead them in the right direction and give them the help they need. In addition, here are some other techniques you can use to help the person cope.

Learn as much as you can in managing anxiety and depression. There are many books and information that will educate you on how to deal with fear and anxiety. Share this information with the person who is struggling. Education is the key in finding the answers your looking for in managing your fears.

Be understanding and patient with the person struggling with their fears. Dealing with depression and anxiety can be difficult for the person so do not add more problems than what is already there.

In every anxiety-related situation you experience, begin to learn what works, what doesn’t work, and what you need to improve on in managing your fears and anxieties. For instance, you have a lot of anxiety and you decide to take a walk to help you feel better. The next time you feel anxious you can remind yourself that you got through it the last time by taking a walk. This will give you the confidence to manage your anxiety the next time around.

Challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make your fearful or anxious, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. For example, you are afraid that if you do not get that job promotion then you will be stuck at your job forever. This depresses you, however your thinking in this situation is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that there all are kinds of jobs available and just because you don’t get this job promotion doesn’t mean that you will never get one. In addition, people change jobs all the time, and you always have that option of going elsewhere if you are unhappy at your present location. Changing your thinking can help you manage your fears.

Another thing to remember is that things change and events do not stay the same. For instance, you may feel overwhelmed today with your anxiety and feel that this is how you will feel the rest of the week or month. This isn’t correct. No one can predict the future with one hundred percent accuracy. Even if the thing that you feared does happen there are circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. You never know when the help and answers you are looking for will come to you.

When your fears and anxieties have the best of you, seek help from a professional. The key is to be patient, take it slow, and not to give up. In time, you will be able to find those resources that will help you with your problems.

Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods" - an easy to read book that presents a general overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com/   

A Dad's Point of View: We’re Giving Our Kids a Worse and Harder World

The parents of every generation expect and hope that their children can and will do better than they did. Ours may be the first generation, in a very long while, where it is both unlikely and unrealistic to have this expectation. The world has just gotten much more complicated, much harder, and more competitive.  I reflected on this in a conversation with a friend, about how much easier we believed it was for us, as we were starting out in life.


It is inescapable that America’s pre-eminence in the world is changing.  Whether it’s the devaluation of our dollar as the standard currency or other factors, it is clear that we are weakening as the world’s super-power.  The fall-out from this translates to our industries, our economy, and the opportunities our children will have.

Frankly, I worry about the future.  I worry about how and where my kids will find career fulfillment and happiness.  I even worry about their quality of life, with such dramatic changes as what is being proposed for our healthcare system, what has already happened to our car industry, and what may continue to happen to our way-of-life due to terrorist activities.  Let’s face it, air travel is no longer any fun.  It sure was when I was younger.

The other phenomenon that is pervasive among my peers is the return of their adult children, after college.  In most cases, they haven’t returned home to freeload, but because they’re just unable to afford to live on their own even if they’re fortunate enough even to find a job. My wife, as step-mom to my boys, is clearly worried about this, though she loves them dearly.  She truly didn’t even consider the fact that the boys might still be in our home, in our daily lives, in their twenties.  Neither did I, for that matter, yet I still hope to prepare them to succeed independently, but there’s so much contrary evidence that I can’t assume that will be the case.

My wife’s parents and the majority of her family live in Vancouver, B.C. and we’d assumed we’d move there once the boys had graduated from high school.  As my parents have died in the past few years and I have little other immediate family in our area, it seemed only fair that we’d transition to the location of my wife’s family once the boys were grown.  What is “grown” today? As our boys are just 13 and 16, we’re still a few years away from facing this issue, but we’re well aware of our friends, with older kids, who are facing this right now with their “adult” children.


But, let’s backtrack a little and look at some of the things that my friend and I reflected on as so much easier when we were younger.  First, getting into college wasn’t that big a deal.  Yes, Harvard and Stanford were still difficult standard bearers, but a strong “B” average and a decent SAT score secured each of us admission to good University of California schools.  Later, we both got into UCLA graduate school with grades that wouldn’t get us even considered now!

Further, job opportunities were prevalent.  We both were able to work summer jobs, every summer in high school and college, and we both got jobs immediately after college graduation and, in my case, through an internship while finishing up my M.B.A.

My 16-year-old is competing with grown men, these days, for minimum wage jobs.  Plus, the workloads at middle and high schools have become absurdly excessive.  It was not that hard when I went to high school.  That is why so many kids can’t take jobs, even if they can find them. 


I guess I feel as if our kids aren’t allowed to be kids as long as we were.  The omnipresence of technology in their lives 24/7 contributes to a loss of innocence. The problems the world is currently experiencing with this recession and the emergence of terrorism worldwide just adds their challenges.  At times, the news is just plain frightening.  And, most outlets don’t even report “news” since news, as the mainstream media have mostly become opinionated vs. objective.

So, I fear and believe it is a harder world for our children.  And, I regret and feel bad that they will be facing these higher hurdles and scarier times.  I wish it were different.  And, frankly, I feel sort of impotent in helping to change this situation.  Other than getting involved in politics, which I loathe to do, I feel a little like Rick (Humphrey Bogart) in “Casablanca” saying to Ilsa at the end of the film, “I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.” I guess time will tell.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years.  Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits).  When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad.  Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State.  Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating.  It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents.  He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications.  The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective.  Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally.  Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 16 and 13. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

Are we setting our children up for academic success or failure?

As parents we want the best for our children. We want them to be academically successful - to do well in school and later go on to have successful careers of their choice. We strive to give them every possible opportunity to explore their talents, be it sports, art, or music. We find ways to give them these things, take on a second job, move the family to a new school district or we send them to private school. We pay for tutors and yet many of them are coming out at the other end of the education system with substandard educations. Where are we going wrong? Children have no attention span and cannot concentrate in class. More of them are diagnosed with learning disorders and school standards are lowered so that children can keep up and still many are either just scraping by or failing miserably.

There are many answers to this question and I don’t pretend to know half of them, but in my ongoing quest to provide the best possible education for my own young children I have stumbled upon a few ideas that has shed some light.

In her book Endangered minds, Jane M Healy, PH.D, explores the idea that children’s brains are physically changing as a result of their environment. Her many interviews with leading experts in the fields of teaching, psychology, biopsychology and numerous others leave no doubt in my mind that we as a society are setting our children up for academic failure.

We have more information at our fingertips than any generation before us. There is the internet, television, DVD’s, cellphones and radio. All of these are constantly feeding us with information at a fast pace. In order to process and retain this information our brains are adapting to cope. Children learn their letters and numbers from Leapfrog DVD’s, Sesame Street and other visually colorful and stimulating sources. Neon digital super heroes are blasting their little minds with information, conditioning their impressionable brains to rely on this right brain stimulation for learning.

We are allowing their brains to be conditioned for a new way of learning. We are teaching their brains to expect the excitement that comes with the super heroes the colorful flashing letters. It is no small wonder that these kids cannot sit still in a school desk and listen to teacher instruction. Teachers complain that children cannot sit still and concentrate and yet these same children will spend hours in front of a video game or TV, doing just that, sitting still and concentrating. We as a society have changed the way we receive information and yet we expect our children to straddle this world of information and education.  We want them to move from a stimulating media focused learning and recreational environment at home to a less stimulating book and worksheet environment at school. Again, should we really be surprised that these kids are not succeeding in school?

So what do we do? How can we help our children succeed in school and later in College? I think there are many answers to this question, but here are a few that make sense to me as a parent and are doable.

Read to them. We have heard this over and over, but reading to a child is the most basic activity that we as parents can do and yet the payoff is huge. Most of us have access to books at home or at a library and yet life gets in the way of reading together. We have jobs to go to, sports events to attend, meals to prepare, laundry to fold and plenty of other tasks that seem more important than reading a book; however reading to a child can make all the difference.

Children who are growing up in front of the television and other electronic media are learning their language from these outlets. The television set is teaching them vocabulary, sentence structure and how to pronounce words. I want to scream when I hear my 3 year old pronounce the word “volcano” as “velcano”, the way that “Map” pronounces it on Dora.

By reading good books to our children we teach them not only about the subject of the book, but we are shaping their language use. We are teaching them what proper English sounds like and how to use it. We are building vocabulary. Children have an opportunity to think about the material and ask questions, thus actively interacting with the information instead of passively listening to a television program. They learn to think and ask questions related to the information and that is what makes them successful in school. As soon as children are able to read by themselves we no longer read to them. The problem is that most of them do not pick a book up to read. It is still an effort and they would much rather switch on a television to be entertained.

As parents we need to put aside the time and read with these older kids as well. When we read together, we are creating a relaxed, safe environment for them to ask questions and enjoy our company. During this time we should be expanding on points made in the book thus creating opportunities for conversations. This brings me to my next my next point.

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Talk to your children. We no longer talk to our kids other than the rushed instruction. “Johnny, get your coat we have to be at football practice in 5 minutes ”

We no longer have time to talk. Families seldom eat dinner together, schedules do not allow it and so our children never learn the art of conversation. Children get home from school grab a snack and either head out to see their friends or sit down in front of the television or video game.

By conversing with them we not only build relationships, but we also give them a forum to practice their verbal skills - something that neither friends nor television can offer them. Yes, children speak to their friends and they hear speech on TV, but this is seldom proper English. By verbally interacting with an adult, children learn how to hold their own in an adult world.

Where possible, let them hear you and other adults discuss matters and ask for their opinion. Value their input and encourage it. In days gone by children heard adults converse about important topics. They heard adults reason and use correct grammar. They learned how to follow along with a conversation and exercise their thinking skills, something that is invaluable in a school setting and later in college lecture halls.

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Give children time to be quiet. With all the electronic media in our lives, rushing from one place to another, no one has the time to be quiet. Children are not learning to think, to problem solve and to come up with their own creative activities and ideas. When we are constantly bombarded with sound and visual stimulation we are receiving other people’s ideas. Only by being quiet can we create. By sitting still and thinking, exploring their inner thinking, children can find their inner voice.

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Take them out and show them the world. This does not have to be far or expensive. An annual trip to the beach, a family trip to the zoo, a weekly trip to the park, a museum, another state or a ride on the train - these are all things that help shape their understanding of the world around them. These activities should be unrushed so that they can ask questions and have time to reflect on our answers. A Sunday family tip on the local light rail is not only a bonding exercise, but gives them a life experience to draw on. A weekly trip to a park can open up conversations about animals, habitats, decorative or useful plants and with little effort from us. These experiences broaden their understanding of the world and give them a larger intellectual framework in which to process information.

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Slow down. We are over scheduling our children and we are doing it because we think we are giving them every possible opportunity, but at what cost? We are not allowing them time to think anymore. By the time they have free time they are exhausted and all they want to do it sit down and be entertained.

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Turn it off. I am not against Television, it is a valuable commodity in our society, but I believe we are using it to our detriment. Parents are using it as baby sitters, it is teaching our children to speak and it is indirectly rewriting our societal moral code. Children no longer learn how to act and interact from parents as they did in days gone by, but instead they are learning it from popular television shows and characters.

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When I was discussing some of these ideas with my husband this week, he asked the questions; where do we draw the line? How do we as individuals live successfully in a society that is progressing at an astounding rate? How much is too much technology and when does it start interfering with humanity? A huge battery of questions and obviously we were not able to come to any real conclusions, but we as individuals need to become aware of these changes and the effects on our children academically.

It is easy to be swept away by an ever changing society with so many exciting technological advances. It is not my desire to shelter my kids from all technology, but to limit them, especially during the time that their brains are developing and they are learning how to process information. If we want to help our children succeed in school we need to decide what is important for their cognitive development and make lifestyle changes.

For some it will be turning the television and computer of for an hour a day yet others may decide to purge their lives completely of electronic devices. I only hope that parents will become more informed about what these societal changes are doing to young brains and to set their own limits in the context of their lives.

Written by Melenie Borden a homeschool mom to 2 precious girls follow our adventures on www.Tutormygirls.com

You Know You're a Parent When....

Being a parent permeates through everything in your life. We all know this on some level but once in awhile it comes as a shock to your system. You go out for one of those insanely rare kid free excursions, trying to be YOU, not mom, not dad, but you the person and inevitably it will still crop up to bite you in the butt, just make sure that in case you forgot for those mere hours, you can not escape your role of parentdom. And sometimes it happens in a funny (if slightly embarrassing) way.

Last night J and I went to our first concert in years that doesn't involve kid music. BC (before children) we were heavily into the music scene in Boston, going to concerts almost every other weekend it seems. J was in a band so he was out quite often. BC I would go along and help sell merchandise. Even AC, with the help of my mom to babysit we would still go out a few times a year to catch a good act. Since moving down here over 2 years ago however, we haven't had family to watch our kids and the music scene isn't as big here, so that aspect of our lives took a nose dive.

Last night though, a couple of bands we love (and one I'm sure that almost no one knows in my readers circle) was playing in Raleigh. Korpiklaani and Tyr, two bands from Europe were touring together and we just had to go see them. (We play Korpiklaani quite often and our kids love to rock out to them.) Having my mom just move down recently this was the perfect opportunity to have some adult time to ourselves and get back to what we loved doing years ago.

So we leave the house in high spirits, grab some food, and head to the concert. The first thing I notice as we're looking for a parking space is the fact that ours is the only minivan in the area. J and I look at each other in sheepish amusement as I make this observation out loud and he said yeah he thought that too. Our only saving grace was the fact we had skull decals on the back of our van. We're still cool enough. Phew.

Then we get in to the concert and are asked for ID. Automatically J takes out a card that is normally in his wallets ID spot, and without looking at it hands it to the bouncer. It's not his ID though. It's his Lego VIP card. You know, the card you get so that with each Lego purchase you earn points to save money on more Lego purchases. Something only a parent or Lego freak would actually carry in his wallet. Yes, that Lego VIP card. The bouncer just stared at it for a moment and burst out laughing. We laughed as well once we realized what happened but it was just another reminder that no matter how hard we try to pretend otherwise, we are parents to the hilt. There is just no escaping the fact.

Aside from that, it was a fantastic concert. I believe it was the first concert I went to where I spotted the following, none of which were props for the band members either. These were solely in the crowd:

• 1 metal gauntlet
• 1 man wearing a bear skin cloak
• 1 3 foot Viking horn
• 1 man head banging while wearing a full chain mail shirt
• a mosh pit where folks started to circle dance like you would expect at some ancient festival
• a mosh pit where guys started swinging arm in arm like you would see centuries ago in a common tavern

Seriously it was an awesome night. I also learned that no matter how much of a parent you are, nothing makes you feel sexier than wearing a black corset. I wore my new corset shirt last night and let me tell you that I'm almost to the point where I'm going to say societies proprieties be damned, I just may take up wearing corsets on a daily basis!

Photo of Thor's Hammer courtesy of www.thorhammer.org

Brittany (Rhaven at trianglemommies.com) If you liked this story about parenting, please check out Brittany's personal blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/

Never Lost Hope in Dealing With Your Fears and Anxieties

When your fears and depression have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. As a result, here are some techniques a person can use to help manage their fears and anxieties.

You never know when the answers you are looking for will come to your doorstep. Even if the thing that you feared does happen, there are circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. These factors can change everything. Remember: we may be ninety-nine percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.

Challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make you feel fearful or depressed, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. For example, your afraid that if you do not get that job promotion then you will be stuck at your job forever. This depresses you, however your thinking in this situation is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that there all are kinds of jobs available and just because you don’t get this job promotion doesn’t mean that you will never get one. In addition, people change jobs all the time, and you always have that option of going elsewhere if you are unhappy at your present location.

Some people get depressed and have a difficult time getting out of bed in the mornings. When this happens, a person should take a deep breath and try to find something to do to get their mind off of the problem. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. Doing something will get your mind off of the problem and give you confidence to do other things.

Be smart in how you deal with your fears and anxieties. Do not try to tackle everything all at once. When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, break the task into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem.  By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice.  The more you practice, the better you will become.

Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods" - an easy to read book that presents a general overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com/  

Deprived.

Deprive: to remove or withhold something from the enjoyment of (a person or persons): to deprive a man of life; to deprive a baby of candy. 


Creative, huh?  Starting a story out with a dictionary entry.  It's because I am too tired to come up with a witty way of really bringing home the point.


I haven't slept in close to 9 months. More than that really, if you count the last couple months of pregnancy, when your body is exhausted and your bladder can't keep a sip of water in it for more than 15 minutes.  Counting that, it has really been a year since I have had a 6 hour block of sleep.
I am not sure how you other mama's handle the sleep deprivation, but I can say I don't wear sleep deprivation gracefully. I now know why they use it as a torture device.  And I know how effective it is too.


I sometimes think Big Dub wakes every two hours just to keep me functioning at a minimally adequate level.  I am pretty sure he uses his frequent night wakings to plot against me.  How many nights have I gave in and nursed him, while he barely nuzzled my breast.  Not even close to starving even though I swore he had been giving 105% to his hunger cry.  Just nuzzling.  Those night nuzzlings are when he is honing his skills, teaching himself how not to sleep, to never give in to temptation!  Because if he ever gave in, and just slept for a solid chunk of time, he might not have so much fun during the day.


With just the right amount of sleep deprivation - not getting more than a 4 hour block ever, and consistently giving no more than 2 hour blocks, he pretty much gets whatever he wants...
I give up and bring him into bed with me around 4 am and nurse him there (even though he ate at 2 and I am determined to make him go 4-5 hours in between feedings) until I give up and get out of bed around 6.  By that time he has been up for the better part of an hour, pulling my hair, pinching me, laughing, kicking me and overall being a horrible sleeping partner.


I'm too tired to want to do anything for myself during the day, so I skip yoga and stay home to sit next to him on the floor while he rolls around drooling on me.


I'm too tired to fight, that's for sure. I am not interested in force feedings of any kind and instead of coming up with some wildly creative way of getting him to eat his vegetables, or anything but pears and black beans, I hand feed him mashed up beans because he refuses to put them in his own mouth as his hands are busy playing with the spoon.


I am too tired to make him wear a decent outfit. If we get one onsie on I have to count that as a success and hope we get pants on today too. I am most often thankful he's in a diaper because that saves my carpets from further indignities.  I am not sure what people think of us when they see us braving the NW elements, me appropriately dressed, while my son is in a onesie and wrapped in a fuzzy blanket because I am too tired to get him in a jacket and a hat of any sort is out of the question.


I come up with ridiculous ideas just to get us out of the house and keep me from having to stare at the dirty kitchen and piles of laundry.  The ideas are ridiculous because they have to meet ridiculous requirements: infant friendly, real cheap or free, can't take too much energy on my part.  So we pay to swim twice a week - for him to splash me and us to have the privelege of swimming in other mamas' children's pee while blessing them with Big Dub's, we go to library story time, not for the story, but for Big Dub to stare enviously at the walkers and throw fits because he's not.  You might think these are all "good mama" things to do for your little one, enriching, teaching them skills, etc.  It's not, don't kid yourself.  They are all desperate ploys on my part to get him to nap during the day (he is a cat napper, you are all shocked to hear that, I know).  They work about one out of three times.  As with most things concerning my son, I consider this a victory.


And most of all, I am too tired to come up with a plan to plot against him or at least go down with a fight...  I am too tired to read any of those ridiculous books on sleeping.  Really, if I have 20 minutes it is not spent perusing a book with close to 200 pages on how to get your kid to sleep.  If it's any longer than a page, I don't have the time to follow through with it anyway.  More than a page simply means there are multiple steps and may even require some critical thinking skills.  Not going to happen.


I am not going to end the story with a dictionary entry.  But if I were, it would probably be defeat, debacle, downfall or something along those lines.  I am going to end it with my point.  My point is, I'm tired.

STORIES OF TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, LAUGHTER AND HYSTERIA. POOR BIG DUB, YOU GOT ME FOR A MAMA...

I'm just and average mama who's not afraid to say all the things you know you are thinking.  Or just not smart enough to keep my mouth shut.

Follow me on twitter: @midnightfeeding / email me: lisa@midnightfeedings.com / visit me:midnightfeedings.com

What Was I Thinking?

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) would be relaxing. Where did I pick up this little tidbit of inaccurate information? I mean, I knew it would be tough to keep up with 2 kids, keep up with the household, and work part-time, but I thought since it would be on my terms, I'd be able to pencil in some "me" time. Boy, was I wrong! I've been doing better at juggling the boys and all of their needs, but the house has taken a back seat, that's for sure. But then yesterday slapped me in the face.

I had to work my one day/week, which is usually a welcome break from the SAHM routine. I woke up at 0430 and took a shower. I never thought I'd appreciate a shower as much as I do now that I don't always get a chance to take one when I want. Right as I was getting ready to leave for work at 0525, Gavin woke up crying and calling for me. I went in and got him and put him in bed with Daddy. Little did I know, he was getting sick. I went to work, only ran 2 calls, and had a great day with my friends. But then, it was time to come home. I got home at 1830, which was a blessing since I very rarely get off from work on time, only to find my poor 2 year old was sick with a head cold and a fever all day. He ate very little dinner and looked like he couldn't hold his eyes open, so Daddy gave him a bath and tried to put him to bed. Well, THAT didn't work. As it turned out, Andy slept in the spare bedroom and Gavin slept in bed with me. He was up at least every 2 hours and his crying woke up Colin. By 0900 this morning, I had 2 boys in bed with me, neither of whom were my husband, I had gotten MAYBE 2 hours of sleep total, and I was exhausted. I actually texted Andy in the other room with "Help, no sleep." He came in and got the kids, and let me sleep for 2 hours. It was very refreshing and just what I needed. I then washed the sheets and we made the bed just in time for Andy to take a nap before going into Airlink for night shift.

I put Gavin down for a nap, but that didn't happen. I gave him Tylenol, a decongestant, and laid him on the couch hoping that he'd sleep there. Unfortunately for me, the Tylenol kicked in and he got his second wind. Now, it's almost 1800 and I'm enjoying a moment of silence while Gavin watches "Cars" (again) and Colin plays on his play mat. The house is a mess and I have no idea what I'm making for dinner. Whoever thinks that SAHM's sit on their butts all day watching TV and eating bon-bons is DEAD WRONG.

Becky was once a full-time Flight Nurse with Airlink, a medical helicopter in Wilmington, NC.  She gave up her flight status to become a SAHM to her 2 young boys and now works one day per week doing critical care ground transport with Vitalink.  Becky is currently the Assistant Site Administrator of WilmingtonMommies.com.

 

The Breast Feeding Blues

I don’t like breast feeding.  There, I said it.  I feel a little less maternal now but it’s true!  I DON’T LIKE BREAST FEEDING.  I know, I know.  No need to shout.

I’m not a prude.  I have nothing against breasts and babies coming together.  I completely support women who breast feed (if that is what works for their families of course).

I breast fed my son until he self-weaned a few days before his first birthday.  My son was awesome at it.  He was so large during those first six months that people would say: He’s a formula-fed baby, right? (I know.  Who says that?  No one dared touch my baby or baby bump, but I just couldn’t stare down the weird comments.)  Nope.  It was MY breast milk that put him in the 99th percentile (even though he was born at a mere 7 pounds 13 ounces).  My doula said: Some of us are meat cows and some of us are milk cows.  You, my friend, are a milk cow.


But even with all this positive feedback, I didn’t like breast feeding.  Maybe it’s because I’m not a touchy-feely person and you kind of have someone attached to your body every 2-4 hours AROUND THE CLOCK.  Maybe it’s because I don’t like being needed so much.  Maybe I’m weird.  You know what?  WHO CARES?  Facts are facts.  And I REALLY don’t enjoy breast feeding.

So along came number two.  And we breast feed.  Heck, she latched on while we were still in the operation room gets my uterus sown up (TMI?).  Great!  Or as great as it is when you are doing something you don’t like every two hours around the clock.  But between check-ups at two and four months, she did not grow enough.  She was definitely breast feeding.  But not for long enough.  I had just chalked it up to her being a snacker, but I guess the triple-threat of being a snacker, me chasing around a toddler, and her laid back nature, meant that she was not eating enough.  So we got the lactation consultant and the breast pump and the emotional support and the boobs and the baby on board.  And we got her weight stable.  Yay!

Except I now continuously worry that she is hungry.  She’s crying?  Hungry.  She’s reaching for me?  Hungry.  She’s sleeping?  Hungry. 


So not only do I not enjoy breast feeding, but now I cannot trust the process.  I get frustrated and anxious.  I wonder, deep down, are we really bonding over this process?  Or is my determination to breast feed her as long as her brother (that’s a whole different guilt trip, oh I mean blog post) or as long as the AAP recommends (I’m not even going near the WHO recs -- I could not do anything I dislike for two years.  Please don’t ask.) driving a wedge between us?  Because I don’t feel loving and cuddly when we breast feed.  She’s nine months old now and I’m still watching the clock and her latch and my positioning and getting upset when she stops every few minutes and wishing I could weigh her afterwards.  Is it worth it?  Or are my breasts just getting in the way of our cuddling?

 

This post is written by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married (seriously!) mom with a BA in Philosophy and a Medical Degree and the drive to become neither.  She is hopeful this writing thing will pan out.  Follow her rants on www.lateenough.com and on twitter.com/failebg but be prepared for baby poop and liberal bias.

Managing the Fear and Anxiety of the Unknown

All most everybody worries about what will happen in the future. The prospect of not knowing if something good or bad will happen to you in the near future can produce a lot of fear and anxiety. As a result, here is a list of techniques and suggestions on how to manage this fear of dealing with the unknown.

Remember is that no one can predict the future with one hundred percent certainty. Even if the thing that you feared does happen there are circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. For instance, let’s say at your place of work that you miss the deadline for a project you have been working on for the last few months. Everything you feared is coming true. Suddenly, your boss comes to your office and tells you that the deadline is extended and that he forgot to tell you the day before. This unknown factor changes everything. Remember: we may be ninety-nine percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.

Learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. When the time comes, hopefully you will have learned the skills to deal with your situation.

Sometimes, we can get anxious over a task that we will have to perform in the near future. When this happens, visualize yourself doing the task in your mind. For instance, you and your team have to play in the championship volleyball game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. Before the big day comes, imagine yourself playing the game in your mind. Imagine that you’re playing in front of a large audience. By playing the game in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes. Self-Visualization is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation and increase your self-confidence.

Remember take a deep breathe and try to find something to do to get your mind off of you anxieties and stresses. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper, watch TV, play on the computer or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. This will distract you from your current worries.

A lot of times, our worrying can make the problem even worse. All the worrying in the world will not change anything. All you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and when something does happen, take it in stride.  If you still have trouble managing your anxiety of the future, then talking to a counselor or clergyman can be of great help. There are ways to help manage your fear and all it takes is some effort to find those answers.

Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods" - an easy to read book that presents a general overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com/ 

Freedom!!!!

I am over the moon. Today was the first day since before Thanksgiving (49 days if you're counting) that both older boys were in school and I had NO PLANS!!!! Christmas can't hold a candle to this feeling of excitement! Now granted, I had Soren with me, but he passed out around 10 so I had an entire hour and 40 minutes ALL TO MYSELF! Let me repeat that again. ALL TO MYSELF!!!!!!!!

So what did I do? Nothing. And it was fanfreakingtastic. I chatted with my friend K on the phone uninterrupted. That, is a feat on it's own. I caught up on my email... uninterrupted! I drank a hot cup of coffee. Can you believe that? I totally forgot how awesome hot coffee is and how much of a difference it makes!

And, I took a shower... uninterrupted!!!! And I got to stay in as long as I wanted!! I mean who knew that hot water could actually run out even if the clothes washer/dishwasher weren't on at the same time???? I didn't know! Did you? And I got to shave both legs at the same time!!!

Beautiful, just beautiful. I was grinning the whole time. Of course, now that I had a taste of freedom, I'm craving it again. Hopefully I can keep my schedule open on Thursday and Soren will cooperate again and pass out for his morning nap.

Oh joy!

Picture courtesy of shadowwar at wordpress.com

Brittany is a member and blogger of trianglemommies.com. If you like this story and want to see other amusing mom moments, please visit her personal blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/

A Dad's Point of View: What I Learned This Past Holiday Season

Every holiday season brings both wonderful times and challenging family situations for most of us, my family included.  This past season included the first visit to our home of my in-laws, the first time my sons and I would be apart, and the first time my wife and I would be apart during this festive time of the year.  Can I say I learned more about our relationships?  You bet.  Was it easy and fun?  You be the judge.
Let’s start with the in-laws.  Like many things, I had expectations about how we’d all relate and get along, mostly based on our previous visits together at their home in Vancouver, B.C.  But, as I never seem to learn or remember, expectations rarely turn out as expected.  In this case, I am very pleased to say they turned out better.
I expected to have feelings of sadness when I’d reflect on my own parent’s absence, since they both died in the past few years.  And, yes, I did have pangs of that feeling but I also felt, much more strongly, the joy of having three generations present for meals and activities.  Maybe I’ve adjusted to the loss of my parents or maybe I’m just more comfortable in my relatively new role as son-in-law.  I don’t know, but I found myself looking around the dinner table, several times, with a sense of pride, comfort, and warmth.  Now, if only I could bottle that feeling.

My expectations about how my boys would behave turned out to be quite different.  My older son, who has heretofore shown relative indifference to his step-grandparents not only embraced them, literally and figuratively, his face lit up often in his interactions.  I think the tough-guy stance was slightly melted by the same feelings I was having - those of feeling complete.  I marveled at his ease in talking with them and his comfort in still bringing over his friends, who also seemed to appreciate the multiple generations in our home.
David, my recent Bar Mitzvah boy, just ate up the love he got from them, and from us, and he was still basking in the glory of his recent triumph at his Bar Mitzvah. His face glowed during the joint celebrations of Christmas and Hannukah, and the simple fun of being the youngest with some innocence still present.

My wife, on the other hand, met my expectations throughout her parent’s visit.  She barely slept, the house was spotlessly clean, the food was over-the-top wonderful, plentiful, and fantastic, and she was quite tired much of the time.  I realized, as hard as it is for me to accept, that this is the way she likes it, the way she operates, and it’s not for me to judge or try and change her.  I do wish she could relax a bit more, but the regular response I get to my urging her to do so is, “I don’t have the time.”  It is the same whenever I suggest taking any sort of break. 

Granted, this particular period was truly extra busy, but I’ve come to realize this is her way, in the same way it took me decades to realize this about my best friend (since the 10^th grade) who also seems to need and want constant overload.  Not being a psychologist, I would think this relates to inner feelings of being of value, accomplishing things, and feeling in charge.  If it works for her, so be it. But, I still do question whether it does work.
As for all of us being apart, I can only say my reaction was one of mixed feelings.  My older son changed his mind on coming on our ski trip, preferring to be with his friends and girlfriend, while my wife and younger son were on their spectacular trip to Japan and Hong Kong.  I found the 10 days alone, in the mountains, to be both refreshing and time in which I could indulge myself without concern for anyone else.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had that feeling or opportunity.
I also felt as sense of safety in the security I felt towards my family.  While I’d rather be together, I knew that we all were committed to each other and that my boys, in particular, know the difference between right and wrong.  The feedback I got from the parents where my older son stayed (he shuttled between three homes over this period) was all terrific and unsolicited.  So, I guess maybe I did something right or maybe he’s a pretty good Eddie Haskell (that’s for you boomers old enough to remember that character in “Leave It to Beaver”).  Maybe a bit of both?

I learned much this past holiday season.  Mostly, that I’m a blessed and lucky guy to have the family I have. 

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.  Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years.  Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits).  When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad.  Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State.  Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating.  It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents.  He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications.  The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective.  Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally.  Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 16 and 13. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page.  Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

Urine 101

I am really trying to get into this parenting thing. I am. It's just that I have a few general issues with it (and while I don't feel like I need to qualify that statement, I will. All you mamas out there know that you love your child with a wild and fierce passion that scares you a little, but doesn't take away from the facts of your daily and non-glamorous mama's life).

Take poop and pee for example. I'm not even a fan of my own. When I was pregnant with Bug Dub (as I have fondly pet named my 8 month old, pet named being appropriate as I clean up his poo just like I do the dog's) I had issues with pooping in front of him. It was kind of embarrassing, sharing EVERYTHING with the kiddo, even the gnarliest of prego bowel movements. Is nothing sacred?

Then there's urine. Yep, urine. There is a lot more of that than there is of poop. My first real experience with the urine was when Big Dub was about two weeks old. I had been through 36 hours of labor, didn't get an epi until 9 cm dialated and 30 hours of labor, ending in my exhausted being, and Big Dub's extra large noggin, meeting the forceps. My husband, bless his heart, tried to help the best he could. He is not one who functions under stress or severe sleep deprivation and struggled to find his niche after Big Dub made his appearance.

My husband was attempting to change the little chicken legs' diaper while I did the heavy onlooking and gave words of encouragement from the sidelines. Big Dub was screaming bloody murder while his dad fumbled with every step of the routine diaper change. Out of nowhere came the steady and surprisingly forceful stream of luminous urine.

Right into my husband's eye.

So he did what any good dad would do... he deflected. Put his hand up to block the urine from stinging his already bloodshot, dry and tired eyes, and thus managed to redirect the urine right back into Big Dub's own face. Big Dub, of course, started screaming with even more enthusiasm and gusto.

And I, not to be outdone by Big Dub's urine antics, promptly laughed harder than I had since his birth, and just as promptly realized that if there was a scale for bladder control I would be in the negative, far surpassing the century old geezers, feeling the warmth on my thighs.

I laughed so hard at the fact that I had just peed my own pants, that I choked to trying to tell my husband who was in that state of hysteria that is laughing but precariously perched on the edge of crying, pleading for my help with the newest addition to our family.

We survived the family pee-on and have since shared numerous bodily function experiences; my personal favorite being projectile shat on with breast milk poo, this indignity after actually showering, straightening my hair, putting on makeup and a new clean top, one that I really liked and did not make me feel like a walrus (by the way, I was a safe distance from Bug Dub's bum while changing him and I will forever marvel at how he was able to go the distance on that one).

I can only imagine that in the years to come I will be presented with even more encounters of the human excrement kind. Almost daily I see my walls crumble, little by little, and my ability and willingness to share such bodily functions with those I love most increasing.

And with that, a thought... I will survive.

I'm just and average mama who's not afraid to say all the things you know you are thinking.  Or just not smart enough to keep my mouth shut.

Follow me on twitter: @midnightfeeding / email me: lisa@midnightfeedings.com / visit me: midnightfeedings.com

A Review of Techniques in Managing Depression

Some people have a difficult time in managing their depression.  Sometimes, their depression and fears can get the best of them.  As a result, here is a short list of techniques that a person can use to help manage their depression.

One of the ways to manage your depression is to challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make your fearful or depressed, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. For example, your afraid that if you do not get that job promotion then you will be stuck at your job forever. This depresses you, however your thinking in this situation is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that there all are kinds of jobs available and just because you don’t get this job promotion doesn’t mean that you will never get one. In addition, people change jobs all the time, and you always have that option of going elsewhere if you are unhappy at your present location.

Some people get depressed and have a difficult time getting out of bed in the mornings.  When this happens, a person should take a deep breath and try to find something to do to get their mind off of the problem.   A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. Doing something will get your mind off of the problem and give you confidence to do other things.

Sometimes, we can get depressed over a task that we will have to perform in the near future. When this happens, visualize yourself doing the task in your mind. For instance, you and your team have to play in the championship volleyball game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. Before the big day comes, imagine yourself playing the game in your mind. Imagine that your playing in front of a large audience. By playing the game in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes. Self-Visualization is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation.

Another technique that is very helpful is to have a small notebook of positive statements that makes you feel good. Whenever you come across an affirmation that makes you feel good, write it down in a small notebook that you can carry around with you in your pocket.  Whenever you feel depressed, open up your small notebook and read those statements.

Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem.  By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice.  The more you practice, the better you will become.

The techniques that I have just covered are some basic ways to manage your depression, however your best bet is to get some help from a professional.

Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods" - an easy to read book that presents a general overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com/