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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Anyone else get annoyed?

Okay, so I am not even sure where to start with this, other than I am slightly perturbed at the moment.
I am a divorced mom of an almost 12 year old daughter who is in the 6th grade. You would think, that by the 6th grade, and having divorced parents her entire life, she would comprehend the importance of a mom/dad folder and that when dad was done looking at stuff, it would go to mom's house the next night and when mom was done looking at stuff it would go to dad's the next night - sounds simple enough - right? WRONG!
I don't know how over the course of seven years (if you count kindergarten) that it hasn't sunk into her or her dad's or the school's head that this is the process.
Seriously, I am not sure who to be more annoyed at, my ex-husband, my daughter or the school district. What is going to happen when she goes to Middle School next year? Am I going to see nothing? Then you add to the list my mother who has her one night a week. Do you think she calls me and goes over anything that is in my daughters folder - nope!
I don't know why I am complaining, sending emails or even wasting my breath, I feel like all I do is spin my wheels.
Here is a good example of what is going on. This is a dialogue from last night...
Me to my daughter Sammie: Where is my MOM folder?
Sammie: I don't know.
Me: What do you mean "you don't know?"
Sammie: I must have left it at school.
Me: Do you realize I haven't seen anything since school started?
Sammie: Yes

Me: Well, how am I supposed to fill out paperwork, know what you are learning and stay in contact with your teachers if you don't bring home paperwork?
Sammie: I don't know.
Me: You have one more chance to bring it all home on Friday or you are grounded all weekend.
Sammie: Okay
Now, does that sound even remotely like a child who will remember to bring it home Friday? It sure doesn't to me. I don't get it, I really don't. Someone please explain it to me. I think I am going crazy - I then had an almost exact conversation with her dad when I took her home last night.
Some think I am a bad mom since I let Sammie live with her dad/step-mom, but they don't know my situation or why I do it. Part of it is I don't have a place of my own. Part of it is the fact I have a lot of doctor appointments and some pretty bad days where I can't manage to help her with her homework and such at night, so it is better for her to be where she can get help, but day after day I see things deteriorating between us, like she doesn't care if I do or don't see what she does and that I am not important in her life anymore.
I realize she has a tough life, divorced parents, one Catholic, one a Jehovah's Witness. She has grandparents in Ohio and Tennessee, family spread all over the place, and it is a struggle to give her everything that she wants and sometimes what she needs. What is a mom to do? I keep doing what I can to make her happy and make sure she has nice clothes, her hair is cut and she has stuff to keep her busy that doesn't involve the television, like arts and crafts, cooking/baking and having friends over for a sleep over/play date.
It is obvious that her life isn't the "normal" life that most kids have, if you look at her living situations and how we as a family go about things. I just want things to get better....just don't know how.


Joelyn Morgan is a single mom of Samantha who is 11 years old. Joelyn is a member of ClevelandMommies.com and just recently became the site administrator. Read more of Joelyn's blogs at: http://joelynmorgan.blogspot.com.

1 comment :

  1. Teenage brains are still developing and do not have the rationalization skills and organizational skills of an adult.

    http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/teenage-brain-a-work-in-progress-fact-sheet/index.shtml

    I think requiring her to keep up with multiple folders is stressful and unreasonable.

    Having a "Parent" folder for whichever parent or guardian she has that evening is suffice. Maybe include some paper in the folder like a journal for the adults to document activity is fair.


    I would concentrate on the positive. Focus on all the number of things you would like to teach her in about life, your faith, values, character development. Focus on things that are going to add to your relationship with her. Pre-teen and teenage years are difficult for girls. Use this time to build her up, be a role model of positive attributes. Mirror to her that this isn't a perfect situation but by concentrating on the positive you practice optimism, perseverance, happiness and a great attitude.

    I would take this off her shoulders and let her see you work through this patiently with all the adults in the situation.


    LakeNormanMommy of 3 + 1 bonus son
    (18, 14, 12, 6)

    ReplyDelete

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