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Friday, February 19, 2010

Guilt

“Guilt is always jealous”  - John Ray
My children are finally in bed and I’m left with me, a baked ziti to make for a new mom, and guilt.  The latter being an ever-present shadow waiting for the good, the bad and the downright lazy days.

Oh, we had fun today.  We laughed.  We sang.  I cheered while they ran (or crawled) in circles.  But I did no mommy-projects.  I had no great ideas (except for the one where I CHEERED instead of RAN).  Mostly, I found toys that were requested or pick out toys that occupied them.

I sat with them.  We talked.  I tried to get a few things done.  I rested.  I wasted time on the Internet.

I know this makes me a normal mom.  It’s the end of the week.  N was awake quite a bit last night.  

We’re on a long stretch of snow days and school delays.  My husband’s day-off isn’t until tomorrow.  (I know.  I know.  I have a husband who only works four days each week when he’s not on-call.  I get NO sympathy there.)

Despite all the logic and understanding I FEEL GUILTY.

And I HATE THAT!

Back in the pre-mommy days, if I wasn’t a diligent employee, did I go home and cry?  No!

I thought: Whoo-hoo!  I’m home!  More emailing, Internet-ing, and sitting!

I thought: This is normal end-of-the-week blahs. T.G.I.A.F.
(Thank Goodness It’s Almost Friday!  Okay I never actually thought that.  I’m MUCH cooler.)
And I didn’t think about it again.

I promise you that I NEVER thought: I’m a terrible person.  And my boss and fellow employees acted-out today because I didn’t give them enough attention.

Clearly, I’m not the best employee, but this mom gig is going to send me OVER THE EDGE if I don’t put an official ban on the mommy-guilt.

If only I knew how.


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This post is written by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married mom of two children with a BA in Political Philosophy and a Medical Degree and the drive to become neither.  She is too busy writing poetry, blogging, and staying at home with her children.  Find her on Late Enough and @failebg but be prepared for baby poop and liberal bias.

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