To my mother on my first mother’s day

I’ve just finished feeding my son and my thoughts turn to you, as they so often do nowadays. I had been late giving him his bottle and he alternately screamed at and pleaded with me to do what he wanted. What I thought would be comforting words to him, weren’t. But a four month old doesn’t understand words, he understands actions. The louder and more insistently he screamed, the more flustered I got and the more I fumbled with the bottle and the longer it took. I would offer more words of comfort and he would reply with more screams and more pleading looks and, worst of all, more tears.

When I finally was able to give him his feast, he looked up at me with the most adoring eyes that said one thing. “I love you.” His eyes didn’t say, “What took you so long?” Or “You did it wrong.” Or “Don’t you have any clue what you’re doing?” Or “I bet other Moms are better than you at this.” They just said, “I love you.” And as you read this right now, you would see that in my eyes as well. But hopefully you’d see one more thing too. “I’m beginning to understand.”

I think of my brother three years my senior born in 1972, then I think of the first six weeks with my son born in 2006 and I know that the last peaceful, worry free night of sleep you ever got was probably sometime in 1971 – if ever.

You and my father were much younger than my husband and I when you started your family and I don’t know how you did it. You were ten years younger than I am now when you gave birth to my brother and seven years younger than I when you had me. At 25 years old, you had two babies in diapers and at 25 years old, I was selfishly partying like a rockstar, never looking back. At 32 now, there are still times I feel helplessly inadequate and I keep wondering when my son’s instruction book will show up in the mail. I wonder if at times in my childhood, you felt the same as I feel now.

I think of my son’s face again and I have to go check on him to make sure he’s alright. He had flipped over on to his tummy, which I know is not the best position for him to sleep in, so I turned him over. Of course, this woke him and we engaged in a short battle of wills at midnight. I worry so much that if sleeps on his belly, he won’t be able to breathe as he should but apparently, he is most comfortable this way. I wonder how many nights you stood at my crib and watched me sleep and listened to me breathe. And how many nights you rushed to my cribside because I was crying, and then the nights you rushed to my crib because I wasn’t.

Looking at my sweet baby, I know that I want the world for him. And I hope I have the strength to accept that what he wants may not be what I want. I know there will be times when he breaks my heart, as I’ve broken yours and I wonder how I will be able to stand it. I know there are so many more battles ahead for us and I hope my son and I can fight the battles without starting a war. So many times when I shut the door on you, you patiently waited outside until I opened it again. I hope I have your strength. I know you did everything you can to give it to me.

I look down at my once flat belly and see stretch marks and a seemingly everlasting mound of flesh there. I remember the long scar down your abdomen from the c-section you had with me – a memento of my birth as I didn’t cooperate from day one. I know you’ll never show me or speak to me of all the scars I’ve given you, but I know they’re there just the same.

So to you, my mother and the most wonderful woman I know, on my first Mother’s Day, I want to say I love you and I’m beginning to understand. I also want to say thank you. Thank you for your grace, your humor, your patience, your love and for helping me as I tackle the most rewarding and most daunting job in my life: motherhood.

This post was written and submitted by Dana Diehlman.

Confessions of a closet ‘Stay at home Mom’

I write today from the confines of my new make shift office, the kitchen table amongst the bags of clothes to take to the Salvation Army and an arms length of my book on “Blackberry Basics”. I’ve recently purchased m y first official “Smart phone” but need this book to understand what it all can do.

Today I’m on day three of my new life, called “Laid off and secretively loving it”. I found out less than two weeks ago that ‘due to budget cuts, my position will only be budgeted through the end of the month”. Those words hit me both with a ton of bricks as well as the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders. For at least the last six months, I’ve been struggling with the responsibilities and promises that we’ve made as a family and with feeling like the biggest square peg in the roundest hole in my job. As well as secretively wanting to run away each and every day.

Today, you’re reading this either because you’ve been able to manage the time management system called motherhood and you’re stealing a few ‘selfish’ moments to be entertained or informed about ‘mommy-hood’, or you’re like me and browsing the net, seeing ‘what is out here really’. Either way, I hope this provides you a nice respite from your day, as you can learn about what others are going through, and feel like you’re not the only one who thinks like this.

So… quick intro…I live in North Carolina and been here just a few years. Love the sense of community, family and the weather. Left almost 18 years in Florida, where I worked at a “magical place” until I met my husband. My son was born 2 years ago, and since that time, I’ve been laid off now twice and worked myself to a grind , away from the home close to 12 hour days and missing my son grow up. Now I’m celebrating getting back to me! I have to work to remember her.. She’s that person I used to be a long, long time ago.. when I was fun and much more relaxed.

So now I’m spoiled.. just the last three days I’ve been able to get up with my son, where before I’d be on a bus at 6:45 AM to be at work by 7:30. I get to spend all day with him and reconnect in a way that I’m truly cherishing. Yesterday, we actually napped together… can you believe that? What a treat. I have to be honest, I’m new to this concept of life without the corporate buzz… no “to do” in my emails, no tasks lists, no phone calls about work that you have to do. It’s quite a new feeling to not have to see 50 emails in my inbox each day.

Today started some of the “what will I do now” discussions with my husband and best friend, but to be honest.. really enjoy this first week.

I hope you’ll tune in for more updates and confessions of my guilty pleasure of playing a quasi ‘stay at home mom’. Not sure how long it will last but will be happy to keep you posted ….. also perhaps you too, are experiencing a ‘new life . I hope also that you’re enjoying this new YOU for the time that you can get a glimpse…

Diane Yarborough is married and lives in Charlotte, North Carolina. She's the mommy of Trey who is the light of her life. When she's not writing for this blog or others, she enjoys the fall leaves and following husker football, in addition to decorating and designing. Diane is a member of CharlotteMommies.com

The Mommies Network - Help Wanted

The Mommies Network is currently a 100% volunteer organization (except our National Sponsorship Manager who receives a stipend). We are pretty much always looking for moms and dads who want to work with us...and we encourage our volunteers to add us to their resumes and reference lists. So if you're looking to keep up or beef up your professional skills think about working with us!

Below are some roles/tasks we'd love to get some help with. Please email admin@themommiesnetwork.org if you're interested in learning more or becoming a volunteer. All of these roles require someone who is self-motivated and can take a task and run with it. We're a pretty informal group and don't have a lot of extra time for training and hand holding but we're definitely available when necessary!

Blog Guest Writers - contribute stories to the TMN blog, relating to your experience as a mother (or father) and your TMN community.
Requirements: excellent written skills

Gear Pages - set up e-commerce pages for communities when they are holding a gear fundraiser.
Requirements: proficient in and own Macromedia Dreamweaver (or similar), Adobe Photoshop

Graphics - create community fliers, business cards and other standard graphics for our Mommies communities.
Requirements: proficient in and own Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe InDesign and Adobe Acrobat.

Graphic Designers - We have a new project starting. Our site web pages are in need of an update.
PHASE 1: Design of new pages - graphic layouts only, no coding
This part of the project would be creating prototype graphic layouts for:
http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/ and all its content
All the web content for the sites except http://www.SITENAME.com/forum/*
Design requirements:
purpose of the pages is to attract new members and new sponsors
current content must be kept
layout of content can be changed
additional content can be included
eventual pages can be coded in html or any web language as long as the language and any software needed to display the pages has a free license

Grant Writing - find and apply to grants.
Requirements: proficient in and own MS Word and knowledge of grant writing process.

HR Assistant - The duties for this volunteer position will include: Sending out exit interviews to managers, Asst. Site Administrator's, and Site Administrator's. Compiling information and distributing to appropriate staff, interviewing and hiring new Site Administrator's. Assist Operations Board in sending, receiving, and compiling reviews of all TMN staff, as well as
other HR tasks as determined by the HR Manager.

Insurance - research insurance options for TMN and provide quotes to the Board of Directors.
Requirements: Excellent communication skills, ability to email and phone insurance companies for quotes.

Legal - assist TMN with daily concerns regarding laws and legalities.
Requirements: background in law

National Newsletter - coordinate a quarterly e-newsletter, sent to our approx. 30,000 site members. This person will need to have experience writing content and creating an html newsletter. She will work with the Board of Directors and Operations Board on content, review monthly community newsletters to find information to share and help guide the process.
Requirements: Experience with e-newsletters and the ability to work independently required.

National Promotions - seek out partnerships that fit our mission, as well as find new ways to promote TMN and our blog both online and at events. May assist our National Sponsorship Manager when needed.
Requirements: Some background in promotions, excellent communication skills and a willingness to network and seek out new contacts.

Network Administrator - Do you love your role on your home site and think you can help less experienced SAs? We need you! Our NAs work with up to five site to help the SA (or co-SAs) of each community set and reach goals, find ways to better manage their team, manage site drama, and use our Network to their advantage.
Requirements: If you've been a Site Admin for at least six months or an ASA/manager for at least a year, and want to learn more about how you can help other TMN communities achieve your success (and learn from your mistakes)

PEP Team - The PEP teams work with new sites from pre-launch or sites with new SA's. If they are successful in doing this they'll be assigned at Network Admin within 3-6 months and move on to bigger and better things. PEP stands for Promotions, Events, and Posting. PEP Teams motivate, guide, assist, etc. the SAs in your "pledge class" to do three things: Get more members, Get those members to post, Get those members out to events The volunteer works with sites by visiting them daily and doing weekly/monthly reports.

Pre-Launch Team - This team will work with Karin to train new SAs. Our focus will be 4-week training sessions for new site SAs and SAs for sites coming out of Site Salvage, but we will also offer shorter sessions to train new SAs for existing sites. This team will also work with Karin, Amy, and Margie on opening "house sites"-- sites in key markets without an SA-- by helping to post, promote, and encouraging members to plan local events. They will also help recruit committee members and an SA for the site.
Requirements: This position is open to former SAs (especially site founders) and managers who left their position in good standing.

Press Releases - approve and help to write press releases for our Mommies communities.
Requirements: proficient in and own MS Word and have experience writing and distributing press releases.

Site Salvage Team - The site salvage team is reconstructing the way the team is set up so that we can better serve our struggling TMN communities. We are currently in need of the following:
Interim Promotions Managers- Will take care of contacting local newspapers, posting on craigslist, Myspace, Twitter, Facebook and the site blog. Look to hire someone from the committee to replace you.
Interim Recruiting Managers- Will take care of contacting local Meet-ups, Cafemom Groups and find any other outlet that we can potentially find a new SA or member.
Interim Events Managers - Will take care of researching FREE events in the area (including local parks). Encourage membership to host their own events. Plan a monthly chat and attend as much as possible. Look to hire someone from the committee to replace you.

Tech Team - help out with answering questions in the tech support forum. We have a test site that all tech members can access to learn or test the features on, so anyone can volunteer!

Stripperella Gets in Touch with Nature

It's a beautiful day and the mother decides to spend some time outside with her young charge. The air is cool and clean and the light breeze refreshes the mother's mood. She begins to relax.

Stripperella is sitting on the porch with sidewalk chalk, talking away.

"shalk, shalk, shalk, shalk"

From the bush a throaty voice calls back

"shalk, shalk, shalk"

Stripperella pauses in her artistic endeavors, looks up at her mother and sees that her mother isn't talking.

She goes back to her art, and once again begins her monologue

"shalk, shalk, shalk"

"SHALK" the bush voice yells back.

Stripperella is now annoyed. Nobody mocks her! Nobody! She throws down the chalk, breaking it in half, which further infuriates her. She lets out a squeal of anger

"Eeehhh!"

"EEEEHH" the bush throws back.

Stripperella is red in the face now, her chalk broken and being mocked by a holly bush is just too much for a 2 year old to tolerate. She whips off her shoes and marches over to that darn bush, little bare soles smacking the brick surface, chubby cheeks vibrating with indignation.

Then she starts cussing that bush out, finger wagging. Although the words are unrecognizable to the English language the meaning is clear and could be translated thusly:

"Shut up stupid bush, just SHUT UP! I am the Goddess of my domain and I will be treated with the respect accorded to that position. My daddy has saws; don't make me have him mulch you."

Suddenly a large gray Mockingbird hops into view in the bush.

"Shalk" it says.

Stripperella lunges at the bird, shrieking in rage, hindered only by her mother's desperate leap to grab her before Stripperella toppled headfirst off of the porch and into the holly. Meanwhile the Mockingbird flies off into the upper canopy, seemingly unconcerned by his brush with the rage of Stripperella.

D.E. Mongomery is a member of CharlotteMommies and the author of “The Adventures of Curlylocks and Stripperella: A Modern Mother’s Tale” which is available on Amazon.com and the author’s E store at: https://www.createspace.com/3390652

Visit her fan page at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/D-E-Montgomery/121452927484

Economic Stress!

Being a mom and surviving this tough economy is an incredible challenge. Everyone has their own challenges and I think nearly everyone has altered their lifestyles in reaction to the state of the current economy. I have a friend who is battling ovarian cancer, for example. Yet another friend’s husband, no sooner did they move into their new home, lost his job. In comparison, my problems seem very small.

If anything, this crazy economy has taught me a valuable lesson about saving money. In our case, my husband is a builder and I am a Realtor^®. I hope one day to get out of debt and save enough money to last us a year if we need it.

I can bellyache about a lot of things regarding my lack of work in the real estate business. I can use that old adage that I am not working in spite of my child, I am working for him.

But the truth is I got into this business thinking that I could sell my husband’s homes on the side while staying at home and do both. The truth is I would rather be spending time with my nearly-three-year-old than having some jerk argue with me about a home warranty he promised to pay for. The truth is, I want another child but I can’t because we don’t have health insurance and even if we did, I’d be afraid of the costs on already tight resources.

When the stock market crashed in September ‘08, I knew my “cheese” had to be moved again. I didn’t like that. Already tightening the household belt, I didn’t want to have to tighten it further. But we did. I’d dropped my cheap gym membership and I would end up shopping at Aldi for our groceries (this helped us both save money on certain items and avoid other tempting items that Aldi just doesn’t carry, not to mention I hate cutting coupons). We got rid of almost every extra expense- our newspaper subscription, our AAA, and our Costco membership- that we felt we did not “need.”

I tried to think of how we could cut down on our other bills. Here are just a few examples on how we trimmed the fat:

I’ve started heating up water in our electric kettle instead of on our stove for things like pasta. During the winter months, I keep our thermostat down low and just put on an extra sweater. We’ve limited the amount of times we use our laundry drier and started using a clothes line for some of our loads.

Our showers have been cut back to 5 minutes. My husband was already good at this but I needed training. We are now bringing our son into showers with us versus drawing him a separate bath. For our land lines, we cut the one for our personal use and kept only the one for the business, since it’s run out of an office in our house. Plus, we decreased our internet speed so we could pay less. We are pleased to report we haven’t even noticed a difference (although, what were we paying for that whole time?!)

One of the hardest habits to break was our addiction to credit cards. We started living solely off our already strapped checking account. Besides, even with excellent credit scores, both of our credit cards had informed us they were jacking up our rates from 8% to 25% and that if we “refused” this, our accounts would be closed.

The cell phones and vehicles are a different story. These items are critical to our jobs. Otherwise, I probably would have volunteered to get rid of both my 2006 Rav4 and my mobile. But what we don’t need, in my opinion, is the TV.

I am still a firm believer that there is mostly junk on the boob tube and what might be useful is hard to tolerate, i.e. “the news.” However, we would have spent just as much money to get out of our contract as we would have if we would just keep the subscription for 9 more months. My husband has since convinced someone at our satellite company to give us some sort of price break and we’ve had a credit on our account for two or three months now.

Have I mentioned we are doing all of this on my husband’s unemployment checks? That I have been working part time at a local eatery and that the current administration’s “Home Affordable Modification” didn’t accept us because we have “too much equity” in our home? Don’t get me started on that!

When I do have a closing, that’s great and all, but $1,500 only gets us so far. That will pay our mortgage for another month but not a penny more.

The life insurance we decided to keep. Now that my husband is doing more manual labor, I fear something will happen to him and we will be left destitute. We also decided to keep health insurance for our toddler.

What I am trying to drop is my attitude. I know that my two-year-old is tapping into the stress. It is harder than ever for me to let things go about which I would normally be patient. I don’t want my son to be angry. I don’t want my son to be deprived. I want him to be confident and resilient and I hope I can discipline myself to provide those things for him in spite of our predicament.

Another way to trim the fat.

Lisa Duke is a wife, mother, dreamer, and Realtor^® in High Point, NC. She is a member of TriadMommies.com. You can view her blogs at http://dukebrothers.blogspot.com/ http://ljdepowski.blogspot.com/ or http://dukethebean.blogspot.com/

35 years old, pregnant, and not married.

After a few years of getting over a very nasty divorce, I was a 35 year old single mom. Finally I was getting in the routine of sharing my son every two weeks with his dad. I finally had a good job where I worked good hours and I could get home early enough to have dinner with my son. I had just saved up enough money to buy myself a new car. I was in a relationship with a guy that I loved and it was going good.

Mine and my guy's relationship was very unique; we had been dating for almost two years, but he lived 1000 miles away. Every month or so I would fly or drive to see him for a week - it was the best of both worlds for both of us. Everything was going well; everything was finally looking up in my life.

In August, before school started, I decided to take my son to my guy's house for a visit and see some of the local sites. Boy, I did not realize at the time that this trip would ultimately turn my life upside down.

My son and I stayed with my guy for a week and had a great visit, and then went back to our home state. About 2 weeks later my life came to a screeching halt.
I stared at the calender looking at the dates, thinking I had a monthly cycle on Aug 7th and here it was Sept 20th, this can't be possible. I waited a couple more days then I went into a drug store and bought a home pregnancy test.
When I got home, I went into the bathroom and the positive sign came up in about a second. I was in total shock, what am I going to do?
I sat there in the restroom and just stared at the test like it was going to change. All these things started going through my mind. My son is seven, I'm single, the father lives so far away, how am I going to tell people, what are people going to think, and could I have the strength to do this.
I decided to go ahead and call for a doctors appointment and get everything confirmed before I told anyone. Just so happens, they had a cancellation and I got in the next week.
I sat in the doctors office still in shock and wondering what I was going to do and how I could possibly make it with a new baby and everything that goes with it. As I sat in the doctor's office I felt like I was having an out of body experience. As the doctor came in and started telling me I was pregnant and how I was high risk and what was going to happen, I felt like I was alone in the world.
I left the doctors office and went to see my mom, scared like I was a teenager I needed to tell someone. As I sat there looking at my mom thinking she was going to say are you crazy, the words I am going to have a baby came out of my mouth. To my shock and surprise a huge smile came across my moms face and she said "I am so excited." As my mom looked at me she could tell I was scared and she said, "Baby you're not in this alone." She told me that no matter what happened with me and my guy that she would always be there for me.
At this point I knew that I had a support system and that I would be fine with this baby.

This post was written by Teresa or (tl0127) on LakeNormanMommies.com. Visit her blog at
http://struggleswithlife.blogspot.com

A Dad's Point of View: It’s a Tech World, After All

I love technology. I hate technology. I get so frustrated with technology. All of the above. That’s my generation and definitely me. My friend Marty is a tech wizard, while my wife is still using computers primarily for e-mail. I’m somewhat in the middle with my knowledge and depth of tech use and dependence, though my boys laugh at my attempts to learn anything new. But, it’s hard to resist all we hear about what every new tech gadget has to offer, especially for us men (a.k.a. boys and their toys).

When I get a new tech device, like a digital camera for instance, I am very excited by the purchase and I take it home with pride and eagerness. I carefully place it on my desk where it usually sits for a week or so until I muster the courage to open the box. Then, I take out the various parts of the device, and ask for some help to lift out the user manual. On viewing this lengthy document, in 42 different languages, I sit down discouraged, and place all the pieces and the manual on top of the just opened box, where it will sit for another week or two. A strong drink will finally give me the courage to start the learning process.

What inevitably follows is that I get stuck somewhere in the process and disgustingly pack all the parts back in the box with the full expectation to return it to CostCo, where I always buy such tech stuff, as they have the most liberal and no-questions-asked return policy. Usually, some sanity or maybe pride returns and I either figure it out or, embarrassingly, call the help line where I’m put on hold for four days after pressing 257 buttons on the self-help menu, until I finally get to speak to someone with a heavy accent that I don’t understand, in some country in a distant time zone.

Now, all of the above is sort of an exaggeration. It is usually much worse. LOL (now, I’m testing you). I’m capable of learning new things but these episodes often remind me of a wonderful article I read years ago titled, “Why Can’t They Make It Like a Refrigerator?” It was about the simplicity of buying and using a fridge compared to the struggles, especially when that article was written so many years ago, with buying and setting up computers.

This is where having kids is finally starting to pay off. They grew up with technology and it’s not only part of their everyday vocabulary, but it’s an integral part of their lives, possibly in this boomer’s opinion, to a destructive degree. The notion of playing outside has vanished with my boys, as their play generally revolves around some sort of screen, and there are so many—television, computer, game, cell-phone, etc. The importance of all their screens has even changed the way we punish our kids, as a therapist once advised me. They lose screen privileges as the consequence for poor behavior. The worse the offense, the more screens are prohibited.

My point, however, is that my older son actually can help me now. The down side is that I have to hear his sigh and subject myself to his disdain at his old man’s complete lack of being “with it.” They say all things come around, and this is just how I felt and acted when my parents just couldn’t figure out how to program and use their new VCR.

In all seriousness, I value what technology offers us but I also see a considerable downside. Our jobs as parents become more difficult when we have to monitor and be aware of all the things that can “attack” our children from these tech sources. There are programs we can buy that supposedly limit what our kids can find on the Internet as well as simple ways we can check their recent searches. But, being a policeman in this regard isn’t what I signed up for, but is clearly part of the contemporary job of parenting. It is equal in importance to being aware of any sort of drinking, smoking, or drug abuse. I’m fond of saying that all we can do as parents of teens is do our best to keep them alive, until some sort of sanity hopefully returns.

My next challenge is Twitter and learning to tweet. I’ve been told, along with Facebook, that it’s actually a useful tool to market one’s business. So, eagerly, I googled, found, and then went to the Twitter website. Like the unopened box of the new camera, computer, or other tech device I tend to let sit on my desk, I’ve looked at that Twitter tab for days now. A recent power outage took it away and relieved me of dealing with that one, for now. Whew.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

Stripperella’s Sticky Situation

The mother is once again lugging a basket of laundry up the stairs. Curlylocks is entertaining herself while Stripperella is munching a snack in the kitchen. As the mother is folding the laundry in said basket she hears a horrible crying coming from downstairs, and by the time she reached the top of the stairs she sees Stripperella part way up. She is sobbing horribly as if the world is about to end. This isn't a cry of temper, this isn't even a cry of pain the mother is unfamiliar with this particular screaming sob.

The mother holds out her arms to Stripperella and Stripperella attempts to go up another step but ends up flopping onto it face first instead, unable to pull up with her arm, which incidentally did NOT improve her mood.

Thoroughly alarmed now the mother rushes to her child and scoops her up.

There is a strange puckering of Stripperella's skin at her inoperable shoulder; it almost looks like a scar.

There is also a crusty residue on her arm and some on her face.

As the mother reaches up to touch Stripperella's shoulder she feels a strange tightness on her thumb where she had brushed Stripperella's other arm.

Suddenly the mother's synapses fire and her gray cells kick in.

Super glue.

A few days earlier the father had asked the mother to run to the store to pick up a tube of super glue for a project he was working on. When he had finished with it he had carried the tube back into the kitchen. He'd set it on the counter, and there it had stayed and it was there that Stripperella had found it.

Oh My GOD!

Frantic now, she rushes Stripperella to the bath room and starts a warm bath.

Think! Think! The mother is thinking, but most of the solutions involve chemicals that could melt her kid.

Plunking Stripperella into the tub she begins rubbing as much of the glue off as possible, to her surprise it seems to be working, she has at least managed to release Stripperella's arm from her side, but she is concerned about hurting Stripperella.

“Mom! Mom will know what to do!” Thinks the mother. “She was a teacher, she raised multiple children to adulthood and has helped keep dad alive, maybe she's run into this.”

So the mother calls the grandmother, quickly gives the abridged version, to which the grandmother asks, "do I even need to ask which grandchild this is?"

The grandmother suggests nail polish remover and calling the number on the tube of glue. The mother searches the bathroom for the remover and finds she has none. The grandmother promises the check in later and gets off the phone so the mother can call the glue hotline.

The glue hotline gives her another number for a glue medical hotline (the mother is slightly relieved that this must happen to other mother's) and she writes that number down and calls it.

There she met a very nice woman named Diane. Diane was sweet, courteous, and most importantly reassuring that the glue is non-toxic and inert if eaten and will come off. In fact she had all sorts of interesting information for people such as the mother.

Not only is the glue non-toxic, but given a week would have come off of the skin unassisted.

Rubbing Peanut Butter onto the glued areas will speed up the process.

Soaking in the tub is the best way to remove from children, but in adults who generally have less sensitive skin an acetone based nail polish remover will work well

Diane also reassured the mother that she had had her own child do this very thing and she gets lots of calls every day. Somehow that fact really meant a lot to the mother.

Thanking Diane profusely for all of her information and support the mother continued her soaking rub down of Stripperella, as though in some sort of insane day spa.

D.E. Mongomery is a member of CharlotteMommies and the author of “The Adventures of Curlylocks and Stripperella: A Modern Mother’s Tale” which is available on Amazon.com and the author’s E store at: https://www.createspace.com/3390652

Visit her fan page at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/D-E-Montgomery/121452927484

Three Boys

I am the mother of three boys.
I do not have any girls. I will not ever have any girls. Having a husband who has MS makes having three children more then enough for our family.

I think that sometimes, people who have daughters do not realize how easily some people (i.e. ME) can have their feelings hurt about girl things. Because maybe, even though we really love our sons and their legos and super heroes and ball games, we really wished for a daughter, too. When a statement is made about how much cuter girl stuff is then boys. Or about how they are so glad they only have girls because of X (dance, gymnastics, bows, whatever). Sometimes these statements just bring out a little bit of jealousy.

It does not happen all the time, but it does happen.

Catch me on a bad day and that etsy shop that only sells pink bows and doll dresses? I might want to flood the email account with junk mail.
Then, there are days were I think of all the cute stuff I could make...if I had a girl to make it for.
Sure, I've got nieces, but their mama is a crafty lady and they don't need my stuff. She fills their closets and drawers with her beautiful creations.

Okay, so the reason I got on this kick today is because before Brennan was born, we were told he was 70% chance of being a girl.

Yeah.

Right. I doubted Dr. Payne from that moment on. I mean, a 70% chance of rain can result in a beautiful cloudless day...I did not bite that bait, though some well meaning family and friends did.

My husband's aunt bought two beautiful dresses from an adorable shop in New Orleans for a shower gift. I would be willing to bet they cost a pretty penny and they are EXACTLY the kind of dresses I'd put on my daughter, were I to have one...heirloom, not too much lace, but some, beautiful.

I found one today while getting out winter clothes in the basement. I do not plan on getting rid of it. I got rid of all the other girl stuff we got from that shower when I found out Ethan was a boy and my girl friend was expecting a girl...sent it all to her, except for these two beautiful outfits. I keep them because I have hope that one day a granddaughter will be able to wear them. See, just thinking towards the future.

So, I know it might be hard, but moms of girls (or the moms with the "perfect pair") try to not be too braggy about all things girls. We mom's of boys might not show it or say it, but sometimes, it really hurts our feelings. Especially when you go on and on and on about the adorable hair bow you bought to match the perfect stockings that coordinate with the precious dress from that new girls only boutique.

Don't think I'm a girl "hater", because I am not...girls are needed to make the world go round, but boys are just as important to that equation. I'm just on a kick right now...all because I found the beautiful dress I never got to use.

Don't feel sorry for me because I only have boys. I am trying to make up for it by doing more crafty things for myself and being the best mom I can to the children I have. Heavenly Father wanted me to only have boys for some reason...so, I need to sit back and let my life live itself so I can find out why and enjoy what I have been blessed with.





Jessica Remington is the hospitality manager for MyOmahaMommies.com. She enjoys watching LSU sports, scrapbooking and spending time with her family. Her blog, Finding Joy in the Journey (www.geauxremingtons.blogspot.com) is her spot in cyber space to share a smile with her friends and family near and far.

Ever since my body became something more than just...me, I’ve been a little obsessed with it - in some ways good, in most ways bad. I’ve been unhappy with it, upset with it, downright furious with it. I look at the loose skin and stretch marks and the lack of perk in places I used to have plenty and I think, I never would have believed it if someone told me I’d lose my body as I knew it by the time I was 25.

So I struggle. Like, when I stand in front of the mirror for 10 minutes before I shower, picking at my face, inspecting the stretch marks that plague my entire torso, tracing the weird foreign lines of my own rib cage and hips - knowing that none of this was the same even just a year ago. I feel ruined, and used...and I fear stupid things like, my husband realizing if he just didn't have kids with me he could have had a hot wife forever, or that he'll leave me one day and no one will want me because my stomach looks like an 80 year old man’s junk. All humor aside, there has to be a silver lining to all this, right? Of course there is! A baby! He is the reason for my entire life, which is why complaining about these things is more of a trivial indulgence than anything else and I never take it very seriously. Even when I’m whining about it to anyone who will listen my mind is saying "don't be fooled, I don't really care, I have my baby!" It may not be the healthiest way to think, but if my husband never wanted to see me naked again (for the record, I already know this isn't true) or if he left me and I ended up an old maid thanks to my re-shaped body, I would still die happy. I’ve got my baby.

I spent so many years being pessimistic....it's kind of hard to break the habit. It’s ridiculous, really. I’m practically an expert at finding the way even good things suck. I’ve lost 35 pounds in the last four months and even though I feel better about myself, I’m finding all the ways it actually sucks. Without all the "mommy padding", I’m seeing the way my body changed shape - - the baby belly that refuses to shrink sticks out a little more without the extra cushion to make it look gradual. My boobs dropped a cup size and have lost all of their will to be perky. I know by doing this I’m discrediting the work it took to shed those pounds - so unfair to myself. But at least I can recognize it, and as I’m learning in all aspects of life with a baby (not just my body woes), there is always something good hiding among the suck - - there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I make myself at least search for these things now. At times it's hard to accept them, but I want to at least try to be aware.

And what have I had the hardest time doing this with? My stretch marks.

I didn't expect them to upset me as much as they did. When I was 13 or 14 and my hips stretched out and my booty showed up, I got stretch marks. I remember being that young, noticing them in the mirror as if they appeared overnight. Since they were so concealed I didn't think much of them, and before I knew it they were faded. Those ones don't even bother me anymore. I knew I was prone to them (you either are, or you're not...I got the suck DNA in that case), so I fully expected them. I somehow escaped them for 30 weeks of my pregnancy, but then a few showed up, and then a few more....and by the end, I was covered. I couldn't believe the way my skin transformed. It was the most disappointing change I noticed in my pregnant self. Suddenly I could never wear a 2 piece bathing suit, or short shorts, ever again. I didn’t wear either of these often (maybe, once a year?), I was just upset about the idea that I couldn't. Losing the choice to do something sucks more than the actual thing, sometimes. And yes - I did feel as though I lost the choice - my confidence isn't even a fraction as strong as it would need to be to throw caution to the wind and show them anyway.

My husband kept telling me they were getting better and that they didn't bother him at all. I always took this as either him feeling obligated to say those things, or thinking it was the best thing to say to raise my spirits. I was so busy being upset about them, I didn't notice that they actually were getting better. They were lightening every day, and their texture was smoothing over - slowly but surely. I will always be scared with them, but they are fading into my skin as if they were always meant to be there.

So as I showered this evening, I looked at them and thought about what my belly looked like when the stretch marks were made. I remembered what it looked like when my belly was the shape of a full size basketball and my son would kick me so hard from inside it hurt. I remembered his foot being wedged in my ribs, the position of it causing a strange numbness that plagued me for weeks. I remember the heaviness of carrying him around with nothing but my core muscles, wondering if he would get strong enough to break out - it sure felt like he would. And while I thought about the amazing feat he and I went through, just putting him together, growing him into a full human, I knew it was unrealistic to think nothing would give. I know being covered in stretch marks is just one of many sacrifices I had to make to have my baby and for that reason I would do it again and again.

So, is that enough to make me love them? Or even just enough to stop hating them? Or come to terms with what being covered in stretch marks means for me? Hmm, no. To me, there's a difference in being willing to do something, and loving doing it. So I kept thinking. I kept searching for the way to find peace with this - - desperate to banish this from being a thought on the forefront of my mind every single day. And finally, I found it.

This new idea filled my mind in a way that made me feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner. My stretch marks aren't just a side effect of pregnancy. They are little pieces of my son left behind from when he shared my body with me. Sort of like....a cave man leaving hieroglyphics on the wall of a cave. He made his mark. My stretch marks are a piece of my pregnancy, evidence of the only time I could be that close to my baby, that I get to keep forever.

When I look at his chubby thighs and wrists, when I smell his sweet baby breath and hear his coos...his first attempts at conversing with me, his toothless smiles......it's hard for me to picture him driving a car, graduating from high school, making someone girl love him so much it hurts and then breaking her heart, or finally finding his dream come true and settling down to have his own babies. Yet I know that the day is coming, and it's coming faster than I want it to. Every single minute, it comes closer. But even when he finds a woman to care for more than he does me....even if he moves across the country to accomplish whatever his goals may be....even if he grows to dislike my company and avoids me with all his effort....I will still have my stretch marks. I will still have the evidence that at one time, right at the cusp of his very existence, we loved each other more than anything in the world. I loved him more than my own life, and he loved me for helping him start his. And nothing - - nothing.....can ever take that physical evidence away from me.

So now....I think....when I’m inspecting my body in its new condition, I will smile when my fingers trace the deep groves of one of my more severe marks. I will know it came at the very end, when he was so large I looked top heavy, when he was my son in all definitions - fully developed, just waiting to be born. My heart will swell remembering how wonderful it was, being worthy enough to make him.

I love my baby. And now, I love my stretch marks.

This post was submitted by Jenn Rychlicki, otherwise known as mrsLicky on CharlotteMommies. Visit her blog at http://rychlicki.blogspot.com

The Introduction of a Mother

It never really hit me what motherhood was before I in fact became a mom. I'm not talking pregnant pre-birth mom, but the "in the trenches, surrounded by poopy diapers, trying to figure out what sort of cry this is, Oh My God what have I done?" mom.

My own mother and I are close, we always have been. However, she never once let on what I was in for. She never warned me about the intense emotional ties that would form. I was never warned about that feeling of constant worry, the "is the baby breathing?" fears in the middle of the night.

The night on which Curlylocks was born I had been induced at 6:30 that morning. By 11:32 that night, when she was finally delivered and plopped on my belly, I was exhausted. I was so sick and terrified that I panicked, unsure of what I was supposed to do with her. This baby was gooey, squirmy, and MINE. Forever.

Then instinct kicked in. I didn't react out of conscious thought. It was pure animal instinct. I held her close. I checked out all her tiny little parts. She looked at me and it was love at first sight. Having the nurses come and take her to check her over and clean her up was my first mama bear experience. I didn’t want anyone touching MY kid.

Since those first few terrifying moments of motherhood, I often reflect upon the awesome responsibility that lies upon my shoulders. I see my own inadequacies in fulfilling them. Yet somehow Curlylocks reached the age of three pretty much unscathed and I started to feel more confident. When I became pregnant with Stripperella, I figured, “ok, I can do this.”

No problem.

Yeah Right.

My mom also failed to mention that no two children are the same. Maybe she figured that since I'd been alive for 30 some years, it would be blatantly obvious that people are individuals and that people come into the world as children.

Turns out I'm slow on the uptake.

I handled the birth and immediate after effects of Stripperella better than I had with Curlylocks.

Then we came home.

Life with two is nothing like life with one. Once again, something that should have been obvious but didn't really hit home until I was home.

The personal schedules of two individuals who are not old enough to care for themselves and adapt easily, never coincide.

Having a fully mobile three and a half-year-old and a newborn requires a source of constant supervision of all parties.

Having a four year old and a newly ambulatory baby will rock your world. Honestly you can't baby proof enough for that.

Having a mild mannered, not as adventurous first child, does not prepare you for a highly dexterous and curious second.

I've been a mom for six years now. I'm learning daily how much I DON'T know.

D.E. Mongomery is a member of CharlotteMommies and the author of “The Adventures of Curlylocks and Stripperella: A Modern Mother’s Tale” which is available on Amazon.com and the author’s E store at: https://www.createspace.com/3390652

Visit her fan page at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/D-E-Montgomery/121452927484

Writers....we need you!

The Mommies Network is looking for Blog Guest Writers to contribute stories to the TMN blog. I would love to have regular contributions (although of course a one-time contribution is welcome too!). Pieces should be related to motherhood, children, parenting, the impact of your TMN site on you or your community, etc...basically stuff that would be an interesting read for someone across the country or someone looking to learn more about TMN and get a personal perspective. You can view the blog at http://themommiesnetwork.blogspot.com to see examples of what others have contributed. It should be a given, but please make sure to correct any typos or grammatical errors prior to submission. Thanks!

A byline with a link to your personal blog can be included, otherwise it will likely just list the guest writer's name and site name.

Please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org if you're interested in learning more or to submit blog entries.

THANK YOU!!!

A Dad's Point of View: Male and Female Roles in Our Politically Correct Society

I am more and more troubled by how male and female roles in our society have evolved. Clearly, I may just not fully understand and accept these changes, but I want to understand for the sake of my boys. I’m trying to teach them to be men, how to treat women, and to prepare my sons for the current social environment and workplace that we live in. And, frankly, I need to learn and adjust for myself, as this column will show.

I was raised in the fifties and sixties, where men and women had casual conversational fun with each other, both in the work place and out of it. It was fun and not harassment, to be clear, and included healthy banter and even occasional flirting. But, today this is forbidden and larger companies have seminars on proper work behavior that, I believe, limits camaraderie and rapport between colleagues. As communication often is via e-mail, the chances of misunderstandings are only enhanced.

Recently, I sent an e-mail to a female editor of a website that carries my column, asking about a change I’d noticed in how my column was presented. It happens to be a mom’s website and I’m the only male blogger. I asked the question about the change and then said, “I am your only man, after all.” To me, it is true and was completely innocuous.

The reply I got from the editor was a stern missive affirming her status at the website and asking that I stop this unprofessional behavior and flirting. It reminded me of when Barbara Boxer reprimanded a general in the army, in Congress, for calling her “Ma’am,” instead of “Senator.” Can you imagine a male senator doing the same when called “Sir?”

I was stunned at the editor’s criticism and immediately sent her an apology for any misunderstanding and said that my intention was solely humorous, and in no way flirtatious. It was, yet again, a reminder to me of the dangers of e-mail.

She replied, “Apology accepted.” Now, the fact that she had changed our agreement about how my column was to be presented was minimally addressed as I did not receive any acknowledgment or apology for her breaking our ground rules. Instead, an off-hand remark I made left a bad taste for both of us and I still didn’t get satisfactory resolution to my original question. I thought proper business etiquette required communication before a change is made to an existing agreement.

To this editor’s credit, she said she showed my e-mail to several male colleagues who all agreed it was in poor taste. While I didn’t ask, I wondered how old they were as there’s no doubt that younger men are growing up in a work and social environment whose rules are quite different from when I grew up. I think we had much more fun and, given that the most of my career was in showbiz, there was certainly plenty of healthy, and innocent flirting that regularly went on and, many times, it resulted in good business dealings.

To be clear, I am not talking about any casting couch sort of behavior as I never experienced it in the form of an actress offering me “special privileges” nor did I ever engage in asking for it. I was raised to treat women with respect well before sexual harassment handbooks and seminars became important business tools for employers.

I actually experienced some sexual harassment early in my career. A top female studio executive invited me to her home to “discuss business.” I was fighting her off the entire evening. My male bosses at the time thought it was hilarious and that I should have given in for the benefit of the company. Needless to say, I wasn’t amused so I obviously understand the difference between innocent flirtation and harassment. We often define sexual harassment as a man harassing a woman, but the reverse can be harassing as well.

I am trying to raise Will and David to be men who respect and treat women well. I expect them to be sensitive without being wimps, and hopefully still possess a twinkle in their eyes, and enjoy engaging the opposite sex. Flirting can be a kick but, of course, it has to be in the right situations.

I am stuck in my ways and obviously somewhat dense and/or stubborn--as this incident with the editor illustrated. Hereafter, I’m going to be extra careful with all of my future interaction with women. Frankly, it’s the clichéd point of being better safe than sorry, though I know that some of the interplay I’ve always enjoyed will be diminished.

Will and David have been taught other behaviors that I believe in, although these behaviors may be somewhat old fashioned. They know to open and close car doors for their girl friends or any woman or older adult. My teen knows we expect him to pay for any date that he may go on, though presently he’s doing the contemporary group date thing, so he’s off the hook. When we went to the recent Outside Lands music festival, he knew even though I did remind him, to look after his two female friends and, because of his height and gender, to take care of them in the crush of the crowds. They appreciated it and I was proud of his actions.

A friend of mine suggested that my generation might actually have the opportunity to learn from our kids about these kinds of behaviors. Growing up in a politically correct culture all their lives, they’ve been socialized and taught certain behavior and, like their comfort with technology, it may be second nature to them. Is it better? I don’t know.

Still, I think it’s a very confusing time for young boys and men. Some of the so-called progress that has allowed women to enter otherwise limited areas for them professionally, are clearly welcome. But, I question all these rules for gender interaction. Doesn’t it, to some degree, only infantilize women vs. teaching our young women to know proper boundaries and stand up for themselves? I’d rather any daughter that I had should know when to slap a guy, kick him where it counts, and otherwise not run to a boss or the government. And, conversely, she should know when it is time to seek intervention by a superior. What do you think?

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

My first time ...

The very first time I went to a TriangleMommies event I was so nervous that I dragged my husband along with me. Actually, it was a family event. Sort of a dinner out, kind of like the newcomers-type dinners we do today, but an unofficial one. I figured it would be the best way to get my feet wet and meet some of the mommies I had been talking to in the various site forums for a while.

And guess what? It was fun! Seriously. Even my husband had a good time. My daughter was so tiny that I had no clue what it would be like to be at a restaurant with our baby and a large group of people, but all of the moms and their spouses made it really easy. Everyone had their kids with them, and we were a pretty large table at a local chain restaurant.

Did I feel awkward walking in there having no clue who I was looking for? Sure! Did that matter once I actually met the people I was going to be spending the next few hours with? Nope, not a bit!

There are so many events on the calendar these days, that you can find a way to meet your fellow mommies and mommies-to-be with or without kids in tow, at a free event or the kind where you spend a few dollars, bring a few treats, and find yourself surrounded by people who are, in fact, just like you! They're moms. And no matter what your age, race, religion, background or take on motherhood, we're all in this together, and it's really pretty cool to simply log into a website like this and find someone out there who you can connect with.

So come on, if you haven't already, take that leap. Pick an event that's coming up this month and find a bunch of moms who are ready to meet you! With or without your little ones around. :D We've all been there, we know sometimes it's easier to get out of the house without them, and hey, that's OK!

Hope to hear about YOUR first time sometime soon!

This post was submitted by Andrea Bates (ace1028), Hospitality Co-Manager on TriangleMommies.

A Dad's Point of View: Not Too Old for Rock and Roll

I just returned from one of the best three-day trip of my parenting life. My son, Will, not yet 16, and two of his female friends and I drove to San Francisco to attend the Outside Lands Music Festival. It’s an all-day late-into-the-night, music festival on the Polo Fields at Golden Gate Park. There are multiple acts performing simultaneously on several stages throughout the festival grounds

The list of performers included such well-known acts as Incubus, Pearl Jam, Tom Jones (yes, that Tom Jones who has become a sort of icon to the younger set), The Black-Eyed Peas, and The Dave Matthews Band. On the more obscure side, especially to this ol’ middle-aged dude were acts I’d never heard of including Gooferman, Zap Mama, Kinky, Q-Tip, Albino, Dirty Rotten, TV on the Radio, Ween, Lenka, Cage the Elephant, and Heartless Bastards. Honestly, I didn’t make up any of these names.

There were tens of thousands of festival goers and the grounds at various times were full with excitement, tension, and anticipation as well as the ubiquitous smell, to quote Dave Matthews, of “Eau du Reefer.” The first day they ran out of beer as the jostling of the crowd to get to the drinks and food was almost as intense as getting to the front of the stage for the bigger-name performers.

During our six-hour drive from Los Angeles to the Bar Area, I was inculcated to the better-known acts by my son and by all three of the teens that played their music non-stop. It was definitely overload for this dad, but also an education. For my son and for his two friends, it was probably the first such adventure of this sort in their young lives with only one adult chaperone and an astonishing amount of freedom during the festival itself.

For me, it was proof of my theory, which I espoused in one of my first columns, that there is no such thing as quality time, only quantity time. The hours we spent together brought a closeness and, now, shared memories and experiences that are irreplaceable. I saw my son blossom as a man, learning to take care of the two girls in his charge. As one was less than 5 feet tall, she required special care when they were working their way close to the stage or she’d literally get trampled. My six-foot-two son rose to the occasion and all three kids were spectacularly happy and riding high, without the aid of any of the “Eau du Reefer.”

Our taxi driver, the first day when we missed the bus to get us to the festival, was an old hippie who had on a sixties radio channel and offered my son a buck off the fare if he could identify the song that was playing. He did. It was “Tired of Waiting” by The Kinks. It turns out this taxi driver’s name was also Bruce and he turned around to the three kids in the back, and sounding stoned, said “Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have a dad that takes you to this?” Needless to say, he got a big tip.

For me, watching my son interact with his girl peers was a chance to re-live those moments of growing up that are so special. The excitement of going to something that keeps you from sleeping the night before, the fun of being with a cute girl you like and sharing the experience, and maybe the tingle of pleasure that comes from holding her hand for the first time. I got to vicariously live those feelings again and maybe enable them to happen under wonderful and truly magical circumstances.

The first day, I watched from afar the big acts while the kids went into the tight mass of humanity crowding the stage. Modern technology, in the form of texting, allowed me to keep in touch. They couldn’t leave their spot to join me and see Tom Jones or they’d lose front standing room status, so I went alone to marvel at this Dorian Gray phenomenon. It seemed that Mr. Jones and I were the only middle-aged people present as I watched in awe as all these teens and young adults, seemed to know every word of every one of his songs. Thousands singling along to “What’s New Pussycat” was a complete hoot.

The closing act of the second day, turned out to be the highlight of the event for all of us as the Dave Matthews Band played for a non-stop 2.5 hours. I mustered up my resolve and for 30 minutes or so wormed my way through the crowd, tiptoeing over prostrate people, to stand adjacent to Will and his friends. It was worth it. Will would turn and look at me with this wide-mouthed grin. He and the girls were dancing in place and the whole field was alive with joy. I remember the same feeling when I went to see Peter, Paul, and Mary in 1967 with my first “love,” Robin, when it took me the length of the entire concert to get the nerve to put my arm around her.

Maybe the music has changed, but I don’t think growing up is any different today. The irony that I realized midway through the trip was that I was 15 in 1969, when Woodstock happened on that August weekend 40 years ago. Now, these three 15-year-old kids enjoyed this festival with the open-eyed enthusiasm I suppose all 15-year-olds bring to life. Maybe the difference is parents today choose to experience some of these things with their children. For me, it was a priceless time and memory.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

A Dad's Point of View: In-Laws, Second Marriages, and Baggage

I believe all clichés are generally true. How else could something become a cliché in the first place? Not surprisingly, then, all the clichés about second marriages are true. Indeed, comedy careers have been built around jokes about a second set of in-laws, second husbands or wives, and blended families. For good reason: in-law jokes, and family relationship humor can be hysterical--sometimes.

In a second marriage, couples want to believe that they’ve learned something from the first one and they’re going to take all that hard-earned experience and apply it, making the second marriage work beautifully. Hmmm, is that why there’s a higher incidence of divorce in second marriages and an even higher divorce rate in third and fourth marriages? It is sad, but true.

We live in California, while my new in-laws are in Vancouver, Canada. This means getting together, thus far, at most twice a year. The opportunities to get to know one another are crammed into these short trips where we’re all on our best behavior. Granted, it’s not as natural as the encounters we could have if we lived in the same city, but we’re all trying our best. My in-laws have had to adjust to not only a new husband for their only daughter, but her two stepsons. They’ve been absolutely terrific under these unusual and new circumstances. As we stay in my new in-law’s home, this just adds to the awkwardness of this new family dynamic.

My first marriage failed for many reasons and, truly, I can’t blame my former in-laws. I can try, but it wouldn’t be honest. With my first in-laws, I started off on the wrong foot and continued to chew it up till nothing but hanging toenails were left. My biggest and earliest mistake occurred just before we got married. I offered an opinion about the wedding gift my soon to be in-laws were giving us. As I was a showbiz veteran and they offered to get us a camcorder, I foolishly decided to weigh in on the good and bad features available, suggesting I’d go as far as to pay the difference to get a higher end one than they were initially considering. Well, that was obviously a bad move and, evidently, commenting at all was poor taste in their eyes, from which I was never forgiven.

This time around, I’m determined to handle things better. After all, my wife has to deal with just as much, actually more baggage, concerning me. She’s taken on the role of step-mom to my two boys, having not been a parent before. As we have my boys full-time, that is no easy task, especially when she met my older one as he was entering teen-dom.

It’s not easy under any circumstances, but my wife also has a large family. So large that they have a book about the family, just on my mother-in-law’s side, self-published that lays out the genealogy--in Chinese! I did mention my wife is Chinese, didn’t I, while I’m Caucasian? I can’t even begin to remember all the names of family members, not due to any ethnic linguistics, but simply due to my poor memory. They’ve been extraordinarily gracious to me and my boys, but the strain of remembering who is who is beyond my present mental capacity, and its diminishing limits.

I actually think it’s going quite well. We’ve spent Christmas there, and celebrated in various family mixes. It was fun, we brought presents for almost everyone, and my boys loved hanging with the other kids and doing the whole morning presents thing late on Christmas Eve. Our religious differences didn’t interfere at all, as we were all able to embrace this holiday with our new stepfamily. My wife has similarly embraced our Jewish heritage.

The truth is we actually all like each other. It’s just new; we don’t see each other often enough, and I want to make a good impression in spite of my natural instincts to be provocative. I’m on my best behavior but I still make the occasional slip like complain to my new mother-in-law (about her daughter) thinking, like a complete fool, that she might be on my side, as I’m obviously so “right.” Thankfully, she misunderstood and thought I was talking about one of my kids. I wisely kept my mouth shut at that point. Whew.

I know I’ve got great new in-laws. I’ve learned to be a better son-in-law by listening to my wife, accepting her advice regarding her family, praise their daughter incessantly (which is easy), and make sure my boys treat them with the respect they’re due. I actually think it’s working. We’re even talking about a family trip to Europe. That is not bad, for the second time around.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

When Labor May Be Induced

Health Tip: When Labor May Be Induced

My Responses are in BLUE

(HealthDay News) -- Labor is induced in about 20 percent of U.S. pregnant women, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says.

Labor may be induced -- causing the woman's cervix to open in preparation for a vaginal birth -- if the health of the mother or baby is threatened, the ACOG says. Here are some possible reasons for labor induction:

• If the woman is more than 42 weeks pregnant. -- WHY? There have been no studies showing an indication for routine induction past an EDD (ESTIMATED due date) which could be off by two weeks or more. Ask yourself, how many women do you know have been induced or pressured to induce WELL BEFORE 42 weeks of pregnancy? Most inductions, in fact, are done between 38 and 40 weeks, which is leading to a risk of pre-term and low birth weight babies, who are then sent to the NICU, have to fight off infection, have more breathing problems, at a huge cost to the parents and the country.
• If the woman has pregnancy-related high blood pressure. Granted, pre-eclampsia and/or eclampsia can be a definite medical reason for induction.. however, careful monitoring, home treatment including bed rest, as well as proper nutrition, rest, and prenatal care will go far in preventing and treating pregnancy related high blood pressure.
• If the woman has a uterine infection. To be determined how and by whom? The body is not inept at caring for a pregnant mother and her unborn baby.. in fact, infections of many sorts can cause labor to begin, even pre-term. Therefore, for a woman to not go into labor while having an infection would raise the question of if there is an infection in the first place. Not all documented infections would require something as drastic as induction of labor, either! Again, careful monitoring, perhaps treatment of the infection and/or bed rest, fluids and more are chosen by women all over the world.
• If the woman has a condition called placental abruption, where the placenta pulls away from the inner wall of the uterus. This may actually lead doctors to decide to deliver the baby by Cesarean section. This one I would not question as far as choosing to make sure mom and baby are safe... while some abruptions heal, many do not, however they are very RARE. What I do question is stimulating a uterus that is already having a bleeding problem.. medically with artificial/synthetic drugs. Be sure to find out the risks and benefits of any and all procedures before proceeding.
• If the woman's water breaks too early. Breaks too early for what or whom? Your body will continue to make amniotic fluid, particularly if there is no dehydration issue. A few simple rules of not inserting things vaginally reduces/minimizes infection. Ask yourself if your doctor is on a time table. Avoid going to the hospital.. one of the most likely places to pick up an infection and avoid VE's (vaginal exams)!

As with all cases, every labor and birth is different and sometimes things take an unexpected turn. What I would like to remind you is that birth is a NORMAL, HEALTHY EVENT. It is not the medical crisis that surgeons (ob/gyns) are trained to expect. Believe in your body, believe in yourself! Educate yourself. Ask informed consent questions:

WHAT procedure or course of treatment are you recommending?
WHY are you recommending it? Is this the "ways it's done" or are there other options?
HOW would it be done and what are the risks/benefits?
WHEN would it need to be done and what would happen if we wait?
WHERE will I see improvement? Where can I find more resources on this?

An induction quickly becomes a cascade of interventions.... some you may not have planned on or expected. Believe in the power of birth-- your body is not broken! Your body is an amazing well of knowledge, nature, wisdom, beauty, power, and strength!

Written by Kimberly Sebeck, Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator, Mom to a Tween

Proud Member of Knoxvillemommies.com

www.myspace.com/knoxvilledoula, www.cafemom/knoxvilledoula

A Dad's Point of View: Best Friend or Best Parent?

We just returned from a boys trip to Vegas. By “boys,” I mean my two boys, who are almost 16 and 13 and me, the oldest of the “boys” (according to my wife). I had to consider, yet again, the dilemma we confront as parents today, with the constant assault on our values and the non-stop sexual and violent imagery our kids face. We can’t fully shelter our kids, but what should be the limits?

When my boys were very young, their mom (my ex-wife) showed them the R-rated movie, “Pretty Woman” on our VCR, because she thought it was okay for them to see it, as it was her favorite movie. She felt they wouldn’t understand that the Julia Roberts character was a prostitute. I didn’t object and I think that was the first R-rated movie either of them saw.

Now, on this trip to Vegas, I took David, my younger son, to see “The Hangover,” as Will had already seen it with friends (which begs the question, how did he get into an R-rated movie without an adult?). He had my permission, so that isn’t the issue. I thought seeing “The Hangover” in Vegas would be fun and sort of appropriate. And, truthfully, we laughed loud and hard throughout much of the silliness. I found it more heartfelt than many of the other raunchy R-rated movies of late, but it still left me with a nagging feeling of innocence being lost too quickly. I’m still trying my best to preserve what little innocence I have left, as it’s clearly a lost cause with my boys.

Seriously, how often do I contribute to the problem because it’s easy or convenient to rationalize a situation? I suspect way too much. When Will was in first grade, we began watching the non R-rated James Bond movies—the older ones with Sean Connery, which really seem tame by today’s standards. Shortly afterward, his teacher requested a parent conference and related that Will had begun a regular routine of acting out shooting other kids, mimicking James Bond from the movies we watched together. I was stunned at my own naïve contribution to this minor, but not healthy, behavior. Stopping the movies quickly stopped the bloodshed. It was that easy.

I attended a parenting lecture by Dennis Prager, when I first became a dad, and there was substantial wisdom handed out at that event on these issues. He compared and contrasted raising our kids today vs. when his parents raised him in the fifties. In a nutshell, he said that his parents did not have to worry about what he was taught at school, what he’d see in movie theaters, listen to on radio or records, or be concerned about pretty much anything he read. They knew their religious values would not be challenged at his public school. Their pride in America would be honored by not only the Pledge of Allegiance but history textbooks, as well as the values taught and encouraged by the majority of his teachers and the school board.

He went on to say that his parents also didn’t worry about him walking to and from school, riding his bike around the neighborhood, or even be concerned when he’d go out all day to hang out with his friends, during the summer. What a contrast from what our children now face vs. what our parents did, just a few short decades ago. The list, today, is truly endless of the challenges to our values in the public and school spheres, let alone the over-protectiveness that has crept into our everyday parenting choices out of fear that something might happen to our kids if left on their own. The technology, as Mr. Prager pointed out, makes our vigilance and the job of parenting much more complicated and requires much more attention to the details.

So, now I’m back in Vegas and we’re walking the streets, where every place we go is a vendor handing out cards with naked girls, while wearing t-shirts supporting their “escort” service. The buses pass by with similar billboards and all the digital screens and sounds in sight blast the same sexual message. It’s so much that it’s literally numbing.

If we, as parents, are too vigilant or strict, we risk alienating our kids as so many of their friends are allowed even more than we might allow. Obviously, this requires a level of strength, confidence, and a willingness to face the derision of our own kids. If we value our values, we have to risk not being our kids’ best friend and choose, instead, to be their best parent. It isn’t as easy as it once was and I certainly haven’t helped my efforts by choosing Vegas for our boys trip. Maybe I should switch to a river rafting or other outdoor adventure trip next year. But, those buffets in Vegas…

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 50 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.