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Monday, October 5, 2009

Back to work?

I have been having an emotional week as I prepare for a job interview this week. It is for a position that I would really love and enjoy, but I am heartbroken to leave my daughter. My mother will be my daycare which is a bonus, but I feel so sad thinking about all the things I will miss with her and her milestones. Its a hard decision because financially we need my income, but I am currently on unemployment. I can stay on this for a few more months, but its too tight financially. So I feel torn, I feel like I am abandoning my child and giving her to my mother to raise. I know that is not true, but that is how it feels. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and trust her inside and out. I just don't want my baby to loose her bond with me and bond with someone else instead. It makes me frustrated that more companies don't offer childcare. I mean everyone in every company has employees with children, and it would not only make employees happy but it would make them a better worker in a sense. If you can visit your child throughout the day on breaks and lunch, wouldn't that boast your spirits as a parent? It would inspire people to go back to work who do not want to because of childcare. It could be built into your salary and automatically deducted. I never realized how wonderful that would be for employees, and how important it is for company's to understand the wants and needs of their employees. I always here that large corporations are taking this on, but honestly how hard to you think it is to track them down and actually be able to get a job with them, especially within this economy at the moment.
Everyone says to me, not to worry yet until I get the job or until it actually happens. If I push off my emotions till that time, how on earth would I cope with that? I know I am not the first or only woman going back to work and leaving their newborn. I just cannot stand the separation anxiety I feel all day everyday. I wish I could work part time, but it wouldn't be enough. As horrible as it sounds, I wish my husband could switch jobs and make more money so I can stay home. However, I can't ask that of him because jobs are so sparse and everyone is getting laid off left and right. I am happy he is still employed. I always knew I would have to go back to work, but now it's so real and right around the corner. A few days ago she began talking up a storm and wiggling everywhere, and I have never had such a happy moment (besides her birth). It was amazing to see her learn and grow, and you never thought such a little thing could make you so happy. I give major kudos to all working mothers, as well as stay at home mom's. It is a lot of work both ways, I just think working moms go through an extra set of emotions. I just pray God will help me and be with me through all of this.
This post was contributed by Molly Bortree

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